Be Honest when She Asks if an Outfit Makes Her Look Fat

“Do I look fat in this outfit?” Arrgh, she asked that question! Now you're on the spot. What do you say? If you say "yes," you're toast. If you say "no," and it really does, you're toast. Whether it’s your best friend, a girlfriend, or your wife, rather than blurting out an immediate response that's a little too blunt, take a few minutes to find a kinder, gentler way to answer this tricky question.

Steps

  1. Point out what does look good. Tell her it complements her midsection, or how the hemline showcases her legs. Point out the good aspects of her figure and hope she doesn't go for followup questions.
    • Focus on one feature and remark about how many women would kill for that body part. For example, if she always complains about her rounded backside, remind her that numerous women go under the knife to have butt implants or spend hours at the gym doing squats to achieve a similar bottom—and that that skirt really highlights that.
    • This is a great time to commend her for any dieting and exercising she's been doing lately! Don't, however, phrase it like this: "That diet is really working—a few more pounds, and you'll look good in that dress!"
  2. Critique the outfit, not the lady. Tell her that the article of clothing in question is poorly fitted, or made of cheap fabric, or just plain ugly and does not do her figure justice.
    • The reality is that with a good cut of clothing in quality fabric, most people can look good, whatever their size. However, many people do themselves a disservice by trying to wear fashion fads, clinging fabrics or poor quality clothing and such clothing often accentuates figure weaknesses rather than disguises them. So you can definitely have a go at the clothing in good conscience.
    • Tell her the outfit doesn’t complement her shape. After telling her what you like about her body, explain that the cut or the outfit’s design does not accentuate the beautiful aspects of her figure. For example: "You have such nice curves and this dress is like a giant square!"
    • Explain that the clothing hides her figure. Point out certain areas of the outfit that are unflattering—it’s not her, it’s the clothing. "I don't like how it tugs at your chest so much."
    • Perhaps there’s too much fabric in one area, the color is wrong for her, or the pattern is too busy—verbally identify what seems “off” and unrelated to her figure.
  3. Redirect her attention to a better outfit. When asked whether her current outfit makes her look fat, tell her "I like the pink one you tried on before. You looked awesome in that." Tell her which outfit(s) make her look smoking hot.
    • Help her to see that she has clothing that makes her look wonderful by explaining that you love seeing her wear those other pieces. In fact, refer to those other pieces to use as a model when choosing a new outfit.
    • Grab a pair of pants or a dress that you love on her. If you're at her house, go to her closet and take out the items that compliment her shape. Find different pieces, such as dresses and work clothing to workout wear and casual ensembles that look good on her.
    • Explain why the other outfit looks good on her versus the one she has on now. Pick apart attractive outfits and identify why she looks great in each piece. For example, you may think she looks great in V-necks or straight leg pants because they compliment her shoulders or legs. Give her examples and why you like certain pieces on her.
  4. Turn the tables. If all else fails and you panic, try to get her to answer her own question. It's cheeky but it may just work. When she asks if she looks fat in an outfit respond by quizzically saying, “Well what do you think?” Followed by, “Do you like the outfit or do you maybe want to try something else?”
  5. Hide behind what does seem good. Point out one feature that you do like about the outfit, if there is anything. Not to confuse the situation, you could identify some redeeming features the outfit offers. For example, if you think the clothing is well-made, tell her you like the quality of the fabric and stitching. The drawback to this approach is that she'll probably notice you've not mentioned anything about how she looks and this may sting.
  6. There's always the unvarnished truth. There are a couple possibilities here. One is that she's overweight, and she's got to be careful how she dresses. She knows she's not a stick figure, and pretending she is could just suggest to her that you have a spine of jelly.
    • If the outfit makes her look fat, say "It's not a good look on you. Try that black number you had on earlier—that looked much better on you."
    • The other possibility is that she's not overweight, she's just insecure about her looks. In that case, just say something like "No, not in the least. You have a glorious bod, and pretty much anything you wear looks good." If you just don't like the dress, you can continue with "Now that other dress you had on a few minutes ago—that was a wow!"
    • If she keeps asking about this, cut to the chase. "I love you and think you're absolutely beautiful. It worries me that you're asking me this so often. Why are you so concerned? Is everything okay with you?"

Tips

  • Consider that she could be wearing the wrong size. Unfortunately women become “married” to wearing a certain size, even though not all designers make their clothing uniformly. If she typically wears a size 6 but it is now too tight, suggest trying a size 8, “just to see.” The outfit may look completely different (in fact good) in the right size. Give lots of reassurance that this is normal for many women and that larger clothing often makes you look smaller provided it fits, however paradoxical that may seem. If her goal is specifically to look thinner than usual, wearing something a size larger than she needs will often give that impression.
  • Mention that not all clothes are designed for every woman. If she’s in love with the outfit, suggest that she look into having it professionally tailored for a better fit.
  • You could open a discussion of fat consciousness and why it matters if she looks fat more than whether she looks good. But be prepared for a long discussion. Most women aware of this topic wouldn't ask "Do I look fat in this?" anyway because they're past that way of looking at themselves and their clothes. This approach only works if you are another woman and educated on the idea of fat consciousness. If you're a man, don't try it on the spot. Tell her you read an interesting article by a female author, mention the author's name, don't act like you know what's better for her than she does. You're just passing on something interesting that her question made you think of.
  • Admit ignorance. "I don't know what would make someone look fat or thin. You know a lot more about this than I do. I like how you look in it, though I don't think it looks as good as the other one, but I couldn't tell you why."
  • If you do understand fashion and color and lighting, get technical and give specific advice that may help her look prettier. Ask what effect she's trying to achieve.
  • If she feels insecure about looking bad in some outfits, remind her that everyone does. Mention that you've worn a few doozies, and even supermodels do too. (You may even want to save a few clippings as proof.)

Warnings

  • No matter what, never flat out tell someone that she looks fat—comments like that are hurtful, even if she solicited feedback. The only exception to this is where the two of you have a very honest and open relationship and it's already well established that you can say such things without feeling insulted.
  • If she is painfully thin, or if she obsesses over weight or diet, watch for other signs of an eating disorder. If she does, when she asks if an outfit that makes her look like a bag of bones makes her look fat is a good time for an intervention. Have your evidence lined up, find some resources for her before broaching the subject and be prepared to spend a good long time listening to her feelings as you open it up.
  • Avoid lying, especially if it's your best friend who is honestly seeking your advice—this could get you into trouble later in other aspects of your friendship.

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