Be Yourself Around Someone You Admire or Like

It is hard to meet someone we admire. Most people act like a totally different person when they are around someone they admire or like. Keeping your cool, being yourself, and keeping perspective will help you be yourself around that person and overcome any anxiety. With time and a little practice, being around someone you admire will become easier.

Steps

Keeping Your Cool

  1. Smile. Smiling has been shown to give people a better impression of you. When you smile, you show that you’re friendly and confident. If you want to make a good impression on someone you admire, it’s best to smile when you meet them.[1]
  2. Breathe. One of the key strategies for keeping calm when you’re nervous for any reason is simply to breathe and focus on your breathing. Your heart will naturally slow down and you’ll feel calmer.[2]
  3. Slow down when you’re talking. When nervous, we tend to speed up our speech, and this can cause another person to miss what we say. When talking to someone you like, you won’t want them to miss what you say. Speed-talking will make you seem nervous. Just repeat to yourself, “Slow down. It’s going to be okay.”[3]
  4. Make your posture seem relaxed, but attentive. Making eye contact will make them feel as though you’re paying attention.[4] You’ll want to keep a good posture by standing with your back straight and your arms at your side. If you’re meeting this person for the first time, be careful not to act overly familiar by waving as though you know them.[2]
  5. Listen to what they are saying. In addition to helping you keep calm, paying attention to what they are saying will allow you to have something intelligent to say back. You may find yourself getting lost in anxiety or overthinking what you want to say to them. If that happens, think to yourself, “Listen.” This should help you return to the moment.[5]
  6. Ask open questions. By asking open questions, you can get to know who they really are, not just your impression of them. It's okay to be quiet and listen while they talk. Give yourself time to think about an open question they've asked. You might say, "Let me think about that for a second." As long as you answer the question openly and honestly, such a response won't make you seem like you're dodging something uncomfortable.[6]
    • It's also perfectly okay to set boundaries when they ask something you don't feel comfortable asking. You can say something like, "I appreciate how curious you are, but I'm not really comfortable answering that right now."[7]

Being Yourself

  1. Prepare yourself. If you’re going to meet someone you admire or like for the first time, make sure you have researched a bit about them. This will help you know how to connect to them.[8] You may also want to prepare by listing out your good qualities on a sheet of paper before the meeting. This will remind you that you are worthwhile too, no matter how the interaction goes.[9]
    • If you're around someone you like you may want to look on their social media to see what they like, or by asking a mutual friend.
  2. Don’t lie or exaggerate about yourself. It may be tempting to lie about connections, positions, or even personality qualities in order to make yourself look better to someone you like or admire. However, simply put, with the internet, it is often easy to find out any lies, especially if you are going to have a working relationship with the person for any amount of time. Secondly, when you lie about your abilities or personality, it can make you less confident about yourself, and make the interaction even more tense.[10]
    • For someone you like and may want to date, it is especially important not to lie, as dishonesty can quickly destroy trust in a relationship.
  3. Find common ground. Finding something in common is one of the quickest ways to make a connection. While the research you have done about them will help you with this, it is important not to mirror them too much, as this will make you seem creepy. However, simply talking over a recent show or book that has come out can foster conversation. Talking about common interests can help connect you with a crush as well.[11]

Keeping Perspective

  1. Don’t think the worst. Remember that even if you make a mistake, it is unlikely that it will seem as big a mistake (if they see it as one at all) to the person you admire. When getting ready to meet someone, talk the negative thoughts down, and remind yourself that it is extremely unlikely that the worst, or even something very bad will happen when you meet the person you like.[12]
  2. Remember they are people too. A lot of times we get nervous around our heroes or crushes because we’ve built them into something they’re not. They aren’t perfect, but they are human. They’ll do some things better than you, but it is just as likely that you will have some skills they don’t. Remember to value their contributions, as well as your own.[8]
  3. Stay in the moment. Staying in the moment can help you keep perspective, as it allows you to forget what the moment will look like to your friends, or to think the worst of any mistakes. Taking the interaction moment by moment will help you listen, as well as say what you want to say.[13]

Tips

  • Remember that the person is just a person. It's not as hard as you think.
  • Try to imagine yourself with a relative or friend you feel comfortable around and be yourself.
  • Don't worry about what the other person is thinking.
  • Remember to enjoy yourself. You are, after all, spending time with someone you like.

Warnings

  • If you feel you have extreme social anxiety, or some other mental health issue that severely impacts your life, you may want to contact a mental health professional.
  • Body language is different for different cultures. If you are meeting someone from a different culture, do your research and acknowledge your mistakes when you make them.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4253483/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2013/11/27/how-not-to-freak-out-when-you-meet-someone-you-admire/#147772b455e4
  3. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2011/10/26/how-to-speak-with-authority-hillary-clinton-michelle-obama/#14e616266385
  4. ↑ http://ccare.stanford.edu/psychology-today/reading-bodies-touching-minds-how-eye-contact-facial-expressions-and-body-language-are-the-key-to-connection/
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together
  7. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2015/02/25/why-healthy-relationships-always-have-boundaries-how-to-set-boundaries-in-yours/
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 http://www.dumblittleman.com/2014/01/dont-freak-out-how-you-can-suppress.html
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201309/why-we-lie-and-how-stop
  11. ↑ http://www.fastcompany.com/3033921/hit-the-ground-running/8-steal-worthy-secrets-of-power-networkers
  12. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/cognitivedistortions
  13. ↑ https://www.umsystem.edu/newscentral/mindfuleating/2015/10/19/talk-and-listen-with-mindfulness/#more-1465
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