Act Around Girls

Talking to girls can seem intimidating. You have to approach a girl you don’t know well or maintain your cool around one you’re interested in. These girls are like anyone else in your life, though, and if you consider them that way you’ll see that talking to them isn’t so scary after all. By gaining confidence in yourself and mastering communication skills, you can have fun and be relaxed around any girl.

Steps

Gaining Confidence

  1. Be yourself. Altering your personality to gain the approval of a girl can work in the short-term, but eventually she will find out who you truly are. In the meantime, you’ll feel fake and unhappy. Know who you are. Own up to your thoughts and feelings in life. This makes you appear genuine and certain of yourself, which is appealing to girls.[1]
    • Avoid becoming overly generous or aggressive in an attempt to win her over.[2]
    • Put less attention into pleasing girls, too. Appreciate your flaws and don’t let them distract you.
    • If you like yourself and become comfortable with who you are, then you will be more comfortable around other people. And if things don't go well, it won't matter as much. Only you can make yourself happy, and if you like yourself, that's the most important thing.
  2. Clean yourself up. Maintaining proper hygiene makes you look and feel better. Take a shower in the morning. Wash your hair. Put on deodorant and clean clothes before you go outside. It’s better than having to worry about how you smell when you’re around a girl.
    • You may choose to put a little perfume or cologne on your neck and shoulders. If you do, use it sparingly.
  3. Dress well. If possible, go out and find some clothes that are right for you. They don’t have to be expensive, but they should fit well and feel comfortable on you. Clothes that you like wearing make you feel more confident and able to focus on girls instead of your appearance.[3]
    • Try observing those around you for ideas on what’s fashionable, but remember that a good outfit is one that is customized to you.
    • Ask store employees for feedback. Many can guide you to a proper fit.
  4. Do what you enjoy. You can have fun with girls doing what they want to do, but remember to take time out for yourself. Go out and continue to do what makes you happy. If it’s watching science fiction and reading comics, do it and don’t be embarrassed. This makes you happier and appear more genuine because you don’t have to feel ashamed of your interests.
    • You may find yourself getting absorbed in a girl you like. Remember to take a step back some days and give yourself some space.
  5. Relax. Being tense around girls makes them tense too. If you’re looking around trying to figure out what to say or how to escape the situation, you aren’t focusing on the girl. Breathe deeply before approaching and when not speaking. Repeatedly tell yourself that nothing bad will happen. Stay present, focused on the girl instead of an anxious feeling.[4]
    • Most people aren’t out to hurt you, are absorbed in their own lives, and will forget your mistakes.[4]
  6. Be honest with your intentions. Starting out befriending a girl you’re interested in is a good idea, but if you have feelings for her, don’t hide them. Work towards starting a relationship, paying attention to her. If you hide your feelings, she won’t know how you feel and can feel betrayed or in a bad position when she does find out. Conversely, don’t lead on a girl if you only want to be friends.[5]
    • Remember to respect her boundaries. Don’t push your feelings upon her if she doesn’t return your interest.

Communicating Effectively

  1. Maintain eye contact. As you approach a girl to start a conversation, look her in the eyes. This displays confidence and, when she is speaking, an interest in what she is saying. Don’t stare, however, especially when you’re not having a conversation with her. Look at her enough to show that you’re paying attention, then look away.
    • To practice eye contact, start with a mirror, then move on to friends and strangers.
    • Eye contact is difficult but it prevents you from getting caught looking at the rest of her body.
  2. Engage girls in conversation. Greet girls by saying hello and bringing up appropriate topics. Icebreakers include asking for opinion on clothing, talking about a class you share, complimenting a girl on making a good point, or offering to help her.[6]
    • Do this at times to gain confidence around girls and build towards deeper conversations.
  3. Listen actively. Truly listening to what she says and means will be appreciated by a girl. Put down your phone and try to grasp the complete meaning of what she’s saying. Don’t interrupt. Show interest by nodding and responding when she’s finished.[7]
    • Respond by paraphrasing the message, such as by saying, “So what you’re saying is…” to show that you get the important point of the girl’s message.
    • When you respond, be respectful and nonjudgmental no matter how you feel.
  4. Show genuine interest in people. To grow trust between you and a girl, communicate on a deeper level with them. Ask a girl about herself, her interests, and her desires. Show that you’re interested in learning about her as a person. This makes you appear more confident and helps girls feel more comfortable around you.[8]
    • A good question, for example, is to ask her what kind of music she likes. If she likes the same music, you can share that interest.
  5. Be attentive to her feelings. Displaying an interest in a girl’s life builds trust with her, so she may open up to you about something that’s troubling her. Listen with interest and respond to her empathetically. Never make her feel judged or ridiculed.[9]
    • For example, you can say, “That’s okay, the test was really hard. You did your best.”
    • Encourage her in her goals, too. If she wants to be a photographer, encourage her to do it no matter what you think of the idea.
  6. Make her laugh. Humor is an effective way of being charming and charismatic. Engaging in banter with girls reduces awkwardness as you learn about each other and allows you to talk about more serious issues. You don’t have to be a natural comedian, but making witty observations or recalling funny tales from your past will help you communicate with girls.[10]
    • Not all humor is appropriate in every situation. For example, avoid telling crude or sexist jokes around a girl you’ve just met.
    • As you spend more time with a girl, you’ll learn what she finds funny and develop inside jokes between you and her.

Behaving Appropriately

  1. Respect personal space. When first meeting a girl, a handshake is enough. Don’t crowd up against her, bring your face near hers, or touch inappropriate areas such as the face. As you build your relationship, use your judgment as to how much physical contact is welcome. Start with gentle hand and shoulder brushes during conversations and standing close during opportune times such as parties and concerts.[11]
    • If you desire a relationship, ramp up your contact as you go. Then you can try hugging and flirting if she is okay with it.
    • Never touch a girl when this is unwanted. Respect her personal boundaries and pull back when she is uncomfortable.
  2. Display good manners. Behave with grace around girls. Inappropriate actions including swearing, farting, or telling rude jokes are sure to make a girl not want to be around you. In addition, hold open the door and say please and thank you to show respect.
  3. Treat everyone the same. Talk to everyone — boys, trans people, and so on — the same way you’d talk to a girl. Show everyone respect and kindness and you listen to what they have to say. Avoid starting fights. When girls are around, they’ll see this and consider you to be a mature and genuine person.[12]
    • This is hard to do when arguing or encountering someone you don’t like, but try to avoid outbursts of emotion. Breathe deeply and control what you say.
  4. Don’t talk about people behind their backs. Talking badly about someone who isn’t present has the same effect as an unpleasant confrontation in-person. Avoid gossiping. Sharing negative information will make you look immature to girls and cause them to wonder if you talk about them too when they’re not around. Continue to be respectful as much as possible.
    • In return, don’t speak negatively about girls or share their secrets with your friends. This information may get back to them and give you a bad reputation.

Testing Your Knowledge

Doc:Impress a Girl Quiz

Tips

  • Don't panic if you do something embarrassing. Own your mistake and rebound with humor.
  • Be especially careful around shy girls. Break conversation and touch barriers slowly. Give her space.
  • Pay attention to her body language in order to gauge how she is feeling and how you should act.
  • If you’re interested in starting a relationship with her, don’t be afraid to flirt.
  • Unless you’re in a committed relationship with a girl, don’t show jealousy over her spending time with others.
  • Remember to be friendly towards her friends and family no matter how you feel about them.
  • Stand up for a girl when you can, but don’t get into a fight.

Warnings

  • Never pressure a girl into physical contact or a relationship if she isn’t ready for it.
  • Trying too hard to hide your feelings or impress a girl will be noticeable and make you feel unhappy.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/how-to-always-be-yourself/
  2. ↑ http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/science-men-act-differently-around-women/
  3. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/caroline-garnet-mcgraw/dressing-better_b_7781314.html
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/just_one_thing_relax_needless_fear_around_others
  5. ↑ https://pairedlife.com/dating/Why-Does-a-Girl-Act-Hot-and-Cold
  6. ↑ http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/10-foolproof-ways-to-start-a-conversation-with-absolutely-anyone.html
  7. ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm,
  8. ↑ http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/how-to-be-yourself-around-girls/
  9. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-help-someone-feel-loved-and-understood/
  10. ↑ http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-ways-to-attract-her-with-humor_8.html
  11. ↑ http://www.kveller.com/this-5th-graders-list-of-rules-for-how-boys-should-act-around-girls-needs-to-be-required-reading/
  12. ↑ http://secretsofagoodgirl.com/advice/male-perspective-act-hurt/
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