Be a Good Band Girlfriend

Dating a musician, regardless of gender, is not always easy. In fact, the life of a musician can make relationships hard. Nonetheless, you can work to make your relationship better and be the best partner you can be to him or her, though don't forget to expect the same in return.

Steps

Being a Supportive Girlfriend

  1. Show up when you can. One way to support your partner is to just be there when he or she is playing. Showing up to gigs when they are in town and when you have the opportunity to do so to lets your partner know that you support his or her art.[1]
    • That doesn't mean you need to come to every show. In fact, sometimes it's good to develop your own interests and spend time with other people.[2]
  2. Skip the practices. While you want to show your support for your partner, practice is usually not the place to do it. Practice can be awkward and frustrating for the band, and they need to be working out problems, not trying to impress you. Unless you're specifically invited, it's probably best to skip it. Plus, it probably won't be that exciting for you.[3]
  3. Give your partner the space he or she needs. That is, your partner will probably want to go on tour. If that's the case, you may need to stay at home, especially if everyone is crammed into a tiny van while on the road.[3]
    • It's the band's job to be out there and having an extra person around can make things uncomfortable. Unless there's plenty of room or you take your own car, you probably should skip it.[3]
  4. Be understanding about money. When it comes to musicians, many of them are working hard for their art but not making a lot of money. That doesn't mean your partner should expect you to support him or her. However, you may need to be understanding when it comes to things like expensive dates or gifts. In other words, you may not be able to do expensive things for a few years, or if you do, you may need to provide some extra funds on your end to make it happen.[1]
  5. Accept his or her bandmates will be close friends. Bandmates spend a great deal of time together, and they form close bonds. You may find yourself a bit jealous of those relationships. While that's perfectly natural, it's important to realize that whatever your partner shares with his or her bandmates, it doesn't take away from the relationship you have with your partner.[1]
    • On the other hand, because you are associated with the band, you may find you have a built-in group of people that you can develop friendships with.

Developing the Relationship

  1. Check in with each other. Even when your partner is on tour, it's important for you two to check in with each other often, every day if you can. Try to move beyond just saying "hello" and "goodbye."[4]
    • Make sure both of your needs are being met by checking to see how each of you is doing emotionally.[4]
    • For instance, you could ask questions such as "How are you holding up emotionally? Are you feeling good about what the band's doing out there? Are you able to find time for yourself?"
  2. Express your gratitude and love. When you're apart often, it's important to verbally acknowledge your love and gratitude to each other, as you can't express it in nonverbal ways like hugs and kisses. Say you're grateful for him or her, and that you love the person and are proud of what he or she is doing on the road.[5]
    • For example, you could say, "I just wanted to let you know how much I miss you. I'm always glad to hear your voice. Just chatting with you makes my whole day better."
  3. Take time to listen. When you haven't talked to your partner much, it can be tempting to go on and on about what's going on with you. However, it's equally important to really listen to what the other person is saying. Hear what's going on in his or her life, and respond accordingly.[6]
    • One way to show you're listening is to ask relevant follow-up questions to draw more out of your partner.

Taking Care of Yourself

  1. Be an independent person. Because your partner is going to be gone much of the time, you need to develop your own interests and sense of self. Of course, that's a good idea in any relationship, but it's especially good when you need to fend for yourself for months on end. Make sure to develop a social network outside of your partner, as well as your own hobbies and interests.[2]
    • For instance, try joining local hobby clubs that interest you or taking classes at a nearby community college.
    • It's important to develop your own life because otherwise, you may end up very unhappy in the relationship, as the band will draw your partner away a good amount of time. If you're unhappy, the relationship isn't going to last.
  2. Learn to not take things personally. If your partner is in a band, he or she may be moderately or even really famous. That means that you may have other people trying to cut into your time with them. You may also find that people are trying to get into bed with your partner. It can be a difficult part of the lifestyle to deal with for you, but it's part of being in a band. Therefore, if you want to stay with your current partner, you have to decide to deal with this aspect of the relationship.[2]
    • If people are constantly interrupting your time while you're trying to have a date, it may be time to take it somewhere private so you can actually spend time with each other.[2]
    • In addition, you probably worry about your partner cheating on you, especially if he or she goes on tour, but it really comes down to whether you trust the person or not. If your partner has the integrity not to cheat on you at home, he or she won't do it on the road, either.[3]
  3. Set boundaries. Being a band is a lot of work, and everyone around can be dragged in, including you. You need to know exactly what you're willing to do and lay that out clearly to your partner. For instance, you may be willing to help with setup, but you may not be willing to host the band every other night for a giant party.[2]
  4. Get enough sleep. You know you need enough sleep to feel good and be healthy. When you live someone who lives a bit of an alternative lifestyle, it may be more difficult to get the number of hours you need. However, getting enough sleep is important to relationship success because it helps you maintain self-control, which is essential for healthy relationships. Plus, it makes you happier overall, which in turn, contributes to the relationship.[5]
  5. Feed yourself well. Eating a healthy diet is an important part of taking care yourself and being present in a relationship. When your partner is often away, it can be harder to motivate yourself to cook and eat healthily. However, studies have shown that when you don't eat enough, for instance, it can make you angry and more aggressive in relationships.[5]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://www.thefrisky.com/2013-05-07/dating-donts-12-things-to-know-about-dating-a-musician/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/04/how-to-survive-being-married-to-a-musician/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 http://www.chicagoreader.com/Bleader/archives/2013/02/09/dating-a-musician-relationship-donts
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/01/5-things-that-make-a-good-partner/
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/7-simple-ways-you-can-become-better-partner
  6. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/01/5-things-that-make-a-good-partner/
Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Be_a_Good_Band_Girlfriend&oldid=331225"