Convince Your Parents to Let You Date Someone Poor
Money plays a significant role in your life, but it should not act as a barrier for love. Your parents may not see this, but hopefully you will be able to convince them otherwise. Here are some steps to get started with the process.
Contents
Steps
- Try to understand your parents' feelings. It will help you convince your parents if you know why they don't want you to date this person. Consider the following:
- Are they worried about your finances? Your parents may worry about your financial future - will you be able to afford things like health insurance, a place to live, or even food throughout the month?
- Do they think that this person is using you for your money? It is not unheard of for this happen, so it is understandable for parents to have concerns about this. This does not mean that they are right, or it is okay for them to assume this is why someone would want to date you.
- Are they worried that this will affect what you want to do with your future? Do they think that you'll give up your dreams? Do they think that this person does not have any dreams or goals?
- Is it just that they're wealthy themselves and stuck up about it? This is not okay, and is unfair.
- Write down your responses to their reasoning. Evaluate each concern they might have, and address and why they should see it a different way. Try to think of everything they could say against the person you want to date, and come up with respectful ways to prove otherwise.
- It might be helpful to write these things down. Keep the list handy when you approach your parents, so you can make sure that you don't forget anything.
- Discuss your plans for the future with your partner. Meet up with the person you're dating, and talk about money-related issues in the future. For instance, talk about ways that each of you can earn money, career goals, whether you're applying for college, how you plan to manage finances, whether you'll need to take out any major loans, and so on.
- Again, you might want to write these plans down. Doing so shows that the both of you are considering your future very seriously. You will want to write about:
- Consider any and all problems that may arise in your future, and write about how you will handle them. Coming up with hypothetical situations and how to combat them will show your parents that you are prepared to handle life with this person, should the relationship develop into a serious and committed one.
- Prepare what you will say when you talk to your parents. Combine everything you've thought about in the previous steps into a small speech that outlines your response to your parents' concerns. Try to be respectful, mature, and optimistic. Also refrain from sounding angry, as your parents will just shut you out as soon as they detect that you are getting upset.
- Start the conversation at the right time. Catch your parents in a good, relaxed mood and ask if you can talk about something serious. Sitting down and talking to them is the best way to get your feelings out, as it will allow for discussion and a better understanding when they can see exactly how you feel.
- Say what you have prepared and then allow for Hold a Real Discussion. Discussion is one of the most important parts about this. If you have left anything unanswered, now is the time where they will be able to share their views and you both can come to a better understanding about how each other feels.
- Consider writing a letter if your parents refuse to listen and/or discuss the issue. By writing a letter, they cannot interrupt you while speaking, because it's all written down already. The only thing they can do is stop reading, or refuse to read it altogether, but parents generally get around to reading what you have written.
- Ask if you can introduce your partner to your parents. If the discussion about their concerns goes well, the next step is inviting your parents to meet the person you're dating. The hope is that meeting your partner in person will help relieve any lingering concerns your parents might have about the relationship.
- Point out your partner's good qualities before the meeting. Before your boyfriend/girlfriend meets the parents, take the chance to brag up him or her. Talk about the qualities you admire, such as how kind he is, or how she's an incredibly hard worker. Telling your parents what you see in this person can help them view him or her in a more positive light when they do meet.
- Do something fun with him/her and your family together. By having fun, it will lighten the atmosphere and allow everyone to open up. In the end, your parents may find that they like who you are dating, and you may finally get the approval you seek.
- Put a time limit on the interaction. The event should have a definite end point, whether it's as soon as dinner is finished or after you've played a round of a game. Whatever it is, make sure all parties are clear on when the meeting is over.
- Don't be too offended if your parents warm up to your partner slowly (or not at all). Old habits die hard, and it may be that your parents will never truly like the person you're dating. Don't worry too much, though - relationships change over time, and your parents might surprise you someday. In the meantime, focus on acting mature and reasonable.
Tips
- When doing something altogether, your parents may not be sensitive to your boy/girlfriend's feelings about their financial issues and may say something offensive by accident. Be patient and forgiving.
- Your parents may not even want to meet this person. Don't press the issue as long as you can get them to allow you to at least see him/her.
- Do not get mad! Parents often stop listening when you get mad, so keep calm.
- When coming up with something fun to do with your family and your boy/girlfriend, a good idea is to come up with something cheap that he/she can normally afford - this shows your parents that you can have fun even without plenty of money. However, don't make him or her pay.
- If your parents still refuse after you've talked to them, ask them to please think about it. Bring it up later when they are in a good mood again.
Warnings
- If you are being warned a lot by your family and friends about the person you are dating, take a step back and consider if they have just reasons to be worried.
- Even after discussing the issue, your parents may still not see things the way you do. Be prepared for them to say no.
