Be a Good Housewife
Are you a new housewife or are you just looking to really step up your game? Either way, this article will give you some great ideas for creating the perfect home and maintaining a healthy relationship with your family, whether that's just your partner or you partner and your children.
Contents
Steps
Running Your Home
- Cook (healthy) meals. Try to make healthy meals, to keep your whole family feeling their best, as well as keeping yourself healthy and strong (so you can deal with all the challenges in your day!). If you don't know how to cook, try to learn!
- Plan ahead, with the aim to have a delicious meal on the table when anyone who needs a meal gets home. It is often said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and it is absolutely true in many cases. Microwave meals are not always suitable cuisine, so find a recipe book you like and start experimenting.
- Having a great meal ready is a good way to let anyone know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about their welfare. A good meal can be an expression of love and a warm welcome for the returning household.
- Keep the house as clean as you can. Do your best to make your home a clean and pleasant place to live in. Having a clean house can reduce everybody's stress and make things run much smoother. Prevent the constant search for the misplaced keys and the annoying dirty-dish odor by staying on top of the household chores.
- Do the laundry. Laundry is stressful and time consuming, plus leaving it around can make your home stinky! If you want to reduce your household's stress, help out by keeping the whole family's clothing clean. With some careful planning, you can easily fit it into your day. You can even get the kids to help you fold!
- Have a schedule. You are like a general and your family are your troops. You have to keep everything running smoothly! Create schedules for cleaning and how you'll get through your days, in order to help everything run better. Scheduling time is a great way to make sure more gets done in your day, since you'll find yourself wasting much less time!
- Wake up early. Get a head start on your day to make everything go more smoothly. Oversleeping will only make you more tired anyway. Getting up earlier will make sure you get everyone's lunches made and everyone dressed and ready to go without all the stress and scrambling to find that missing backpack.
- Create a healthy environment. Everyone in your family should come home to a healthy, empowering, uplifting environment. Do your best to make sure that everyone's spiritual and emotional needs are being met, including your own, to make your home the best home it can be.
Maintaining Your Relationship
- Discuss expectations with your partner. Discuss realistic expectations, and how to meet them as best as you can. Do not presume that you have the same expectations because you may find out the hard way (through arguments) that you don't. Sit down and talk it over.
- The definition of a good housewife depends on which house you live in. It is also very culture-dependent.
- What are the things your partner is hoping you will keep up with in the home? What are their responsibilities in the home? If you are primarily responsible for keeping the house clean, your partner may take responsibility for cleaning up after him or herself: putting dirty laundry in the hamper, putting dishes in the dishwasher, etc.
- If you are also caring for young children or special needs children or adults during the day, you may be surprised by how difficult it is to also keep up with household tasks. Your partner may need to help significantly with the cooking and cleaning, if possible.
- Maintain a respectable appearance. It is all too easy to stop paying attention to your appearance when you have are a busy housewife but maintaining attraction is a key element of a long-term relationship. While it was important to keep a good appearance during dating/courtship, it is even more important in a married relationship, or any committed relationship. Make sure you're bathing regularly and wearing clean clothes. This is really about showing your partner that you still respect yourself....and you should respect yourself enough to take care of yourself!
- If your partner often tells you they like it when you wear a certain garment or outfit, by all means, take the hint.
- Treat your partner as a partner, like an adult, not a child. It is important for your partner to still have control over their personal situations, like choosing their hobbies, their meals, their clothes, etc. When you are home a lot, it can be easy to want to take control of everything your partner does in the home, but this may not be their preference. It's all right if you want to give your input in a polite way, and of course fine if they asked you. Otherwise, let them have space, just as you want yours. You are two separate human beings, always remember that.
- Listen. A good partner listens to what her spouse has to say without interrupting. Show empathy and learn how to have great conversations. The key idea is that to be a good conversationalist, you should strive to listen more and talk less, by engaging the other person to talk more about his interests. That is the mark of humility, respect, selflessness, and generosity.
- This will also set a good example and they should also listen to you more!
- Find a balance in arguments, but avoid them if possible. Nagging never works, and will only serve to irritate your spouse. Not speaking your mind is just as bad. Husbands are not tyrannic creatures: if you find a balance in arguments, and take turns to speak, things will surely improve. Just remember to respect each other, and things will go much better.
- Some arguing is normal. Don't worry if this happens. You are different people and you will disagree sometimes! Just handle the arguments in a healthy way and everything will be okay.
- Love your spouse for who he is. Don't criticize him in an nonconstructive, cruel, or nagging way. Whatever your image of the 'ideal' man may be, everyone is unique in his own ways, so try to respect that. Before you try to improve others, try to improve yourself first. If you find things disagreeable about him, let him know in a mature, sensible and loving way: chances are that he will agree on some things and/or explain others, plus it will build trust between both of you and save unnecessary conflicts.
Going the Extra Mile
- Make intimacy a priority. A healthy sexual relationship is extremely important for relationships to succeed long term. This does not necessarily mean having a lot of sex, but instead means that both partners should be satisfied with the amount and quality. Talk out your expectations and become a better lover if you can. It never hurts, and will only help to learn more about the sexual side of marriage.
- Be considerate of your spouse's needs. People need space and alone time every now and again. While you have time to yourself during the day (while the kids are at school or asleep), your husband doesn't have that and may need some alone time to unwind when he come home from a hard day at work. Be available to spend time with him and comfort him, but if he wants to spend time alone or with his friends and not you, take a step back and let him have his way.
- Help him unwind more by welcoming him home with a big smile and allowing him to relax. Have his favorite meal and drink ready, and let him relax after a tough day of work.
- Set up activities for your kids. Set up fun, educational activities for your kids or for the whole family. You can do some research and then do a guided tour of a museum, or you can go on a hike and teach everyone about the natural features you encounter.
- Be a great hostess. Show everyone you know all of the hard work you do by hosting block parties or holiday parties every now and again. Make some great food, decorate your home, and set up fun activities. This will let everyone bond and have a great time!
- Create the perfect atmosphere. If you really want to go above and beyond, take your home decorating skills up a notch and try to get that magazine look in your own home. This will give you and your husband something to be proud of, as well as creating a great environment for your kids.
- Get your husband out of the house. Help your husband arrange activities for himself, like a fantasy football group or a bowling night. This will help him unwind. A happy husband makes for a much less stressed wife. Let him choose his own activities, of course, but make sure he knows that you think it's healthy for him to get out of the house sometimes. Not everything is about work!
Keeping Your Spirit Up
- Get out of the house regularly. It is easy to get caught up in your work and barely leave the house all day. This is a good recipe for the blues. Find some weekly activities (local libraries are a good place to look) that will get you out of the house at least once a day. If the afternoon rolls around and you realize you have not been out, go for a stroll, hang out at a bookstore or coffee shop for a half hour, or call a buddy and meet for tea.
- Have friends. It seems pretty basic, right? But housewives can often get so busy that they forget to make time for their friends and maintain those social relationships. But if you create an environment where your husband is your only friend, you'll find yourself talking his ear off! Spend time with your own friends (by having lunch dates or weekly meetings) to keep everyone happy.
- Take up a hobby. You need to do things that make you happy too. Have something that is just yours and that gives you the opportunity to do something productive or creative that doesn't involve your home. This will give you an important emotional outlet. Try taking up productive hobbies, like sewing or cooking.
- Consider getting more education. Just because you may not need a degree for your job doesn't mean that you can't get better educated! Learning is fun and will make you feel more productive and self-confident. You don't even have to go to an actual school. You can read a lot of books (find them at your local library!) or you can take online classes for free through websites like Coursera or MIT Opencourseware.
- Consider taking a side job. There are lots of jobs that you can work from home if you have some extra time. This will give you a way to contribute to the household and will also give you something to be proud of! You can open a home daycare or petsit, or even do things like data entry or run a travel agency. There are lots of options!
- Let your family take care of you sometimes. You work hard and your family should occasionally help by bearing some of the load. They will probably want to do this naturally, but you can also have a set-aside one day a month where they do all of the things you do. This will have the added effect of making them appreciate the things you do more.
Tips
- Live joyfully. Make sure that you create a routine and role for yourself that brings you and your family joy. Being a good housewife is about doing the best you can for the welfare of the entire household, so make it work for you, your partner, and everyone else in the family.
- Don't gossip. Gossiping is in bad taste, no matter how fashionable it might look. Talking behind people's backs will make you seem untrustworthy and if your husband finds out he will have every right to question if you have been talking about him behind his back as well. Discussing your problems with a trusted best friend is one thing, but gossiping with your book club is another. Always be respectful, so people will treat you (and your husband!) with respect.
- Encourage your husband to take time off to de-stress and relax, but make sure that you are also taking the same amount of time for yourself! Women are less likely to speak up and make sure they get time to themselves.
- Learn first aid, to help keep your family safe.
- Take a break. A good housewife does not have to look after the home and children twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, always cooking and cleaning. If he gets time off from his job (evenings, weekends), you likewise deserve a break once in a while. Maybe he can do laundry or entertain the kids on one of his days off while you take a break to recharge your batteries, such as volunteering for a local organization, visiting a spa, or spending time with your friends. Not only will it allow you to foster your sense of individuality, but it will also allow him to see what housework or childcare is like, and he may respect you more for taking on these responsibilities through the week. Do not take too much time off, however, as industry is a virtue in most cultures. Be giving and generous, and work industriously, and you will be respected. Also consider enjoying these activities together as a couple. But always remember, you need some time to yourself alone, too. So maybe taking a break once in a while would be a good excuse to do some activity by yourself.
- Pay close attention to little things. Remember his birthday, wedding anniversaries, etc. Pay attention to the tiny hole in his shirt and repair it. Pay attention to the speck in his coat and clean it. Little attention add up to big attention, and you will have a happy marriage as a result.
- Create a peaceful atmosphere at home. Teach your children not to quarrel too often (it is very much unavoidable that they will do so once in a while!)- the excess of noise will stress both you and your husband. Have nice, relaxing, or even classical music CDs and play them often. Noise in a house is unavoidable, but you CAN avoid excess and unnecessary noise. And doing so will benefit both your husband and you.
- If your man buys you a gift, show how grateful you are by making use of it, so that you do not offend him. But remember that if you do not like it, you should tell him in a polite and still grateful manner: that way he can get to know you better, too.
- Remember, if you are feeling low, depressed, or stressed, be sure to talk it out with your husband. After all, you are human too and marriage is all about both sides: supporting and understanding from both sides is a must, and you deserve it, too.
- Breakfast in bed at the weekends is a great way to make your man feel good.
- If you have a new baby and are having trouble keeping up, get help from your husband, family and/or friends! Don't underestimate how much energy it takes to birth and keep up with a new baby.
- Show him how much you appreciate his love by treating him to a regular massage.
- Make sure his favourite food and drinks are always available.
- If you're experimenting with a new recipe have another dinner option just in case your new recipe goes awry.
- "Mommy and Me" yoga classes, playgrounds, and libraries can be great places to meet other moms.
- Take care of your diet. Even if you are not a great cook, make sure that you and your family eat well. If you do not cook well, keep practising, and try to keep the meals simpler, focusing on fresh, healthy ingredients. No matter how busy your day gets, make sure that you eat regularly and healthily. Have no junk food in your house; instead, try to keep healthier snacks around, such as fruits and nuts.
- Mention his name all the time. Men (just like everyone else!) love to hear their names, and it will make them feel special.
- Do not complain about his favourite TV shows; but ask him if you can take turns watching the TV.
- Never criticize, condemn, complain, yell, or tell your spouse that he is wrong. Nobody appreciates that. But make sure that he knows when you do not approve of something. If you must point out something disagreeable, try the sandwich technique. Be sure to give plenty of sincere compliments and appreciation for things he does right before and after you discuss any faults.
- Avoid arguments like the plague, and apologize as soon as possible.
- Whatever you do, do not give up who you are inside. Many men will try to change you and have you doing what they want. Stand your ground. They fell in love with you the way you are so do not change too much.
- The problems you have in your home can be discussed with someone you trust, but it is neither wise nor courteous to go talking about them to everyone you encounter. Don't be distrustful towards all, but be discreet and moderate when talking about personal trials and problems you might have in your home. Nobody wants their personal problems out in the open.
- If your man is the type to explode in an argument and say offensive hurtful things because he wasn't taught any better, remember that some men are used to unhealthy relationships and bad habits die hard. Don't do the same thing he's doing. Just listen and wait till he finishes his nonsense. When he's done, in an even calm tone, get your point across and remind him that you require the same respect you give and you will not tolerate failure from him meeting that requirement. People can change and if you love someone you should give them the opportunity to fix their flaws.
- Exercise daily for at least half an hour to build stamina and release stress. Encourage other members of the family to do the same. Develop and maintain a workout routine to keep your energy levels and spirits higher. If you can afford it, find a gym (one with free childcare if you have kids), and go regularly. Or if you cannot, look for fun workout videos on the internet or at your local video shop. If all fails, walking the dog, playing or taking a stroll outside on a regular basis will always help.
- Treat his parents and relatives with the same love and respect as you would with your own kin.
- Serve as a good role model for your children, and train them early on in reading, math, critical thinking, etiquette, and self-care. Help them with homework (but don't do it for them!), listen to them, be alert to detect any problems early and exercise discipline to correct them, and guard them from bad influences.
- Help balance the family budget. Track your spending, learn to save money and invest it wisely for financial security.
