Relax and Be a Better Mother
Being a mother can be a rewarding but stressful experience. Oftentimes, in the busy world of motherhood it's easy to get caught in small details and set backs. Many mothers worry about passing on a stressful mentality to their children. If you want to relax a little to be a better mom, practice regular self care, spend quality time with your kids, and try to develop a sense of perspective.
Contents
Steps
Caring for Yourself
- Practice self care. If you want to take care of others you need to take care of yourself. Not only do you need the energy gained from good self care habits, remember that your kids look up to you. Model a healthy lifestyle that involves regular self care.
- Motherhood is often seen as a game of sacrifice. Mothers are expected to give up certain luxuries and comforts in order to meet their child's needs. Such an approach can actually backfire. Kids will learn to let their own needs go unmet to meet the demands of others. The best way to teach your child to take care of himself is to show him how to do so.
- Model a healthy lifestyle. Take regular breaks from work and chores. Stop to eat lunch at midday. Get enough sleep at night. Splurge on a babysitter once in awhile to go see your friends. Many mothers feel guilt at indulging, but you do not need to worry. Your children will not feel neglected or overlooked but will instead come to recognize what a positive, healthy lifestyle resembles.
- Obviously, self care is easier said than done. This is especially true if you have very young children and are the primary caregiver in your household. It's okay to ask for help. If you have family in the area, see if your brother or mother can take the kids on an afternoon outing so you can catch up on sleep. If you're co-parenting, ask your partner or spouse to watch the kids for a weekend afternoon.
- Try deep breathing. If you're feeling high stress during your busy routine, a regimen of deep breathing can help keep you calm. Practice the following technique if you're having a high stress day.
- Breathe in slowly. Try to take air into your stomach rather than your chest. Count to four, holding in the air.
- Purse your lips and exhale slowly while counting to four.
- Rest for four counts without taking any breaths.
- Take two normal breaths and then start the activity over.
- Admit when you're stressed. Many mothers believe admitting to stress is a sign of weakness. This is not the case. It's actually healthier to admit when you're stressed than to try holding it in.Avoid stress during the Christmas season
- Many mothers feel guilt if they do not find motherhood to be an entirely blissful endeavor. However, keep in mind all mothers get stressed, and all aspects of life, even positive ones, come with stress attached. Remind yourself that it's okay to admit to being overwhelmed on occasion. Recognizing that these feelings are normal and okay makes experiencing them easier.
- If you're having trouble managing your stress, never hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you better manage anxiety and regulate your moods. You can find a therapist by asking for a referral from your doctor, seeing what's covered by your insurance, or going through your school or employer.
- Familiarize yourself with tricks to reduce anxiety. There are small tricks you can engage in to reduce your anxiety. Throughout the day, keep the following techniques in mind if you need a quick and simple stress reliever.
- Close your eyes. If you feel overwhelmed by a situation, and you do not need to be vigilant in the moment, close your eyes for about 30 seconds. Shutting out the world gives you a chance to relax and regroup.
- Drink water. Having a glass of cold water can help quell anxiety. The act of drinking and the calm, clear nature of water help many people relax during high stress situations.
- Listen to music. Have a few soothing songs ready to go on your iPod or laptop. Making a playlist of relaxing music to have on hand during stressful days can be a great way to relax quickly.
- Try to spend time outside. People tend to feel more relaxed if they're not cooped up in a house all day. Just a quick 10 minute walk around the block can help you unwind.
- Seek support groups. Motherhood is difficult and many mothers struggle from time to time. Seeking out support can help you know you're not alone, which can be comforting. There are many online forums where people discuss mothering and parenthood. You might also find a group of moms in your community who meet to talk about their experiences with childcare. Seeking out support and advice from others can help you become the best mom you can be.
Spending Time with Your Kids
- Tell your kids it's okay to be imperfect. School and extracurricular activities have become an increasingly competitive arena. Children often have high expectations of themselves. As a mother, reminding your kids it's okay to be imperfect and make mistakes is important.
- Understand kids need to be kids. While it's fine to encourage your child to explore his interests in things like sports and arts, remind him it's okay to take a break and relax as well. Tell him his work at school and extracurriculars should be driven by a love of learning and a particular hobby instead of perfection, achievement, and grades.
- Allow your child to make mistakes. If your daughter misses a shot at her hockey game, remind her even great athletes play less than perfect games. If your son doesn't end up first chair saxophone, remind him he should play because he loves music and not to be the best.
- Focus on the positives. You can model a positive attitude for your child by focusing on the good things in life. Teach your child to adopt a "glass half full" mentality to increase his sense of happiness and security. Focus on your kid's positive attributes and try to look on the bright side of any situation. This will help both you and your kids relax.
- Do not compare yourself or your kids to others. Parenthood can be a surprisingly competitive endeavor. Many parents boast about their children and are constantly holding them to the standards of others their age. Remember, your child is a unique person in his own right. Do not compare him to other kids.
- Children move and develop at their own pace and have their own strengths and weaknesses. Your son might still be struggling with basic subtraction but be reading at a high grade level. Your daughter might not remember dates in history class but excel at biology. Remember the old saying, "Everyone is a genius in their own way. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it'll spend its whole life believing that it's stupid."
- Discourage your kids from comparing themselves to others. As they move on in school or get more involved in extracurriculars, they might be tempted to compare themselves to other students who they feel are more successful or advanced. When you catch your kid doing this, remind him that he's special and unique in his own way. Tell him to focus on himself and his own work rather than holding himself to the standards of those around him.
- Don't compare yourself to others, either. Children learn by example. If you frequently compare yourself to other mothers and talk about your shortcomings, your kids will learn to compare themselves to others too.
- Help your child learn to problem-solve. Life is full of setbacks and problems. As a mother, you might be tempted to try and fix issues for your child. However, as your kids get older it's more effective to teach guide them through problem-solving techniques so they learn to be more independent. This will reduce both your stress levels.
- Listen to your child when he or she explains a problem. Then, slowly try to show him or her how to work through the problem calmly. For example, say your daughter is frustrated that her friend Eve constantly hogs the role of teacher when they play school. Understand why your daughter wants to be the teacher and why she's wary of expressing this to Eve. Then, the two of you can discuss effective communication strategies she could use to talk to Eve about the issue. For example, you could say, "Why don't you ask Eve if you two can take turns playing teacher? Eve might not realize it's important to you if you haven't expressed this to her. Maybe she thinks you prefer to be the student."
- By going through problem-solving techniques with your child, and guiding them to the solution rather than outright explaining it, your kids will learn to be more independent. They'll be less reliant on your to help them with small problems throughout the week. They'll also feel more adept at addressing stressors in their lives. This results in less stress for you and your kids.
- Remember that your kid may not always want your help. Sometimes he/she may just want someone to listen. This is especially true for teenagers.
- Teach your kid about good sleep habits. One way to keep your household calm is to work on prioritizing sleep. Poor sleep habits can lead to higher stress levels, resulting in tantrums and other outbursts.
- Have a regular bedtime. The body runs on a circadian rhythm that adjusts to the sleep cycle we provide. If your kids always go to bed at 9 o'clock, they'll naturally feel tired around that time.
- Engage in relaxing bedtime rituals. A story or bath before bed can help your kids wind down and fall asleep easier.
- Relaxation techniques before bed can also help. Teach your child about deep breathing. Ask your child to imagine himself somewhere peaceful and calm. Encourage him to imagine the smells, sounds, and sights of a pleasant memory until he nods off and falls asleep.
- Encourage healthy self-image attitudes. You should teach your kids to be healthy and eat right. However, do so in a way that encourages them to be healthy for their own benefits and not to impress anyone else. Teach your kids about what constitutes a balanced diet and how to have fun while being physically active. Discourage them from comparing themselves to others. If you have body image issues yourself, try to work through them with a counselor or therapist. Oftentimes, kids pick up on unhealthy eating and exercising habits from their parents.
Having Perspective
- Let go of small imperfections. Part of having a solid perspective is to learn to forgive small imperfections. No one can be the perfect mother all the time. Accept that some things will not turn out exactly as imagined.
- Sometimes, chores fall to the wayside. You might not get laundry, dishes, and vacuuming done on the exact schedule you desire. Try to let it go. You can always wash dinner dishes in the morning or put in a load of laundry at night.
- You might not make it to every event. You might end up missing a family dinner night now and then or skipping out on a meeting for church or PTA. Try not to stress and remind yourself you're doing the best you can.
- Reconsider priorities. Oftentimes, motherhood is stressful because of skewed priorities. Mothers sometimes get caught up in small matters rather than focusing on what's really important.
- Finances can be a stressful part of parenting, but try to remember time over money is what matters. You may not be able to afford the same toys a child across the street has, but what really matters is quality one-on-one time with your kids.
- Think about how you spend money. Many parents invest in their kids by spending extra money on expensive sports equipment, art supplies, or other things to fuel a child's passions. While it's important to encourage your kids to explore their interests, remember again that time is what matters most of all. Instead of buying a new, better piano for your daughter to practice on, consider paying someone to help out with cleaning. Use the time you would spend on dishes and laundry listening to your daughter play.
- Strive for gratitude. While it can be hard to feel grateful when you're stressed, striving for gratitude can help put things in perspective. Try to be thankful for your family and your children, even when things are hard. This can reduce your stressful level and make for a more harmonious home.
- Ask for help. Many mothers see asking for help as a sign of defeat. Understand this is not the case. It's okay to ask the sitter to stay extra hours or ask your parents if they can take the kids for the afternoon. Being a mom is hard and it's normal and healthy to occasionally reach out to others if you need help.
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