Be a Good Christian Wife in Traditional Marriage

The Bible says, [1](1 Peter 3:1-4)

Do you sometimes think about what it takes to have a wonderful married relationship as a female, good Christian-wife in a traditional marriage consisting of one male with one female? Actually, it's up to you and your husband as traditional Christians to work through your relationship in Christ and how you can each do your part to fulfill the desires and needs of each other.

You can be a great wife and glorify God in your own family that you've formed together, and here are some suggestions.

Steps

  1. Be secure in yourself through keeping Christ's Spirit in your marriage. Plan to have family worship, sing spiritual songs and have Establish Personal Quiet Time with Christ together, worshiping God and developing your walk in Christ. Be sure to study the Bible and to praise God for your opportunities and for giving you your very life. Have a personal relationship with Jesus. Anything that goes wrong pray to Him and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
  2. Choose joy in your married life: J.O.Y. is based upon loving "Jesus", "Others" and then lastly, "Yourself"-"but not least," as the Bible says you are "to love others 'as you love yourself'." So love yourself as much as you love others and then you have the winning concept straight from Christ! This, for example, also means do not try to directly control your husband or other people (try gentle persuasion). J.O.Y. also means that you should not judge wrongly or harshly, but you will forgive yourself and others.
  3. Learn to pray fervently and effectively. The Bible says: "Stay in a habit of attending church regularly" with your husband or alone (or with girlfriends), if necessary. "Pray for each other." Pray together and "pray without ceasing" and "honor Christ in all you do and say"... Our physical lives are in Christ and spiritually "His life on this earth is in us and we are in Him." He is "at the right hand of the Father in Heaven where He is always interceding for us." (Romans 8:34)
  4. You can have a long, happy Relationship by being cheerful, positive and confident with the husband, if he is "thoughtful". Criticizing and putting yourself down to your husband or in front of him in public is a way of insulting his taste in women. Realize that if he is with you, it's because he chose you and wants to be with you. He finds you sexy enough, even if you don't feel like you are; so be there for him. Remember that attitude and willingness are important parts of feeling and being sexy. Poor self-esteem leaves a hole in your life that is terrible for your marriage. Make sure you continue to actually have occasional fun and help each other have an interesting life together, not just trying to control each other or only teasing about fun. Tease nicely, and mean it. Have a sense of humor.
  5. Imagine: "What if your husband is gone tomorrow?" Will you still have girlfriends you see at least once a week, your special church group that you go to, full days and busy evenings? If you were not whole, your husband would always have to be trying to fill a hole in your life. Well, it's one that he won't ever fill, and you might both feel inadequate and unhappy, if you can't keep yourself up with friends and family as well as busy cheerfully serving Christ.
  6. Express your needs clearly, but don't accuse each other. Except in case your husband reads minds, don't expect your husband to just know what you want. If you want or need something, ask and discuss it together. Don't just drop hints and figure that he'll get it and "come around" without communicating calmly, clearly and directly. If something is wrong for you, say so. Be a Christian Others Feel Comfortable Talking With About Faith work best when each partner calmly expresses their current emotion -- without harping on what the other did. Frequently, a "I feel confused", or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored (or insulted)." Let "I feel..." be your key word. Avoid saying "you"--as in "you made me sad." Say "'That' made me feel sad." Take responsibility for your own needs and feelings.
  7. Don't expect him to give you your dreams. He needs to keep trying to do well, and you need to keep trying also, but neither of you will ever be perfect. Unsatisfied expectations frustrate everyone. However, if you both continue to work on your marriage, you will always be involved in each others lives, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high, very idealistic or unrealistic, you should set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions. Have the love of your life at home; staying home, try having home cooking at several meals per week versus going out to eat junk food instead.
  8. Share the cooking and house chores as much as possible, especially if both work outside the home. Also, should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled with some effort, washing clothes and cleaning house together and relaxing together.
  9. Pick your battles. Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes get clean and are unbroken, for instance: don't nag about how you want the dishwasher loaded--the "the right way". Let him do such things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is more important and don't be a complainer. Maybe explain the theory as you show him how you believe it needs to be done one time and then leave it alone.

    "Wives, place yourselves under your husbands' authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord's authority."(Ephesians 5:22) but only so far as he is not doing crimes, is not cruel or actually abusive (not the blame game...) to you, the children or other persons.
  10. Encourage your husband in the Lord: that he is to do as The Bible says: "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it." (Ephesians 5:25) If your husband is not showing love, do not demand attention or affection. Just ask cheerfully for some help and pick a time to give a playful or sexy hug and kiss: he may respond well, if he's not angry--or unless it is not the right place and time.
  11. Help him to feel comfortable in showing simple verbal and courteous affection without it always leading to sex: begin this helpful guidance in public with public praise for courtesy and kindness by showing that you are thrilled by that attention; smile, slightly giggle and say something like "flattery will get you everywhere," and try "playing tag" sometimes, or playing "keep away;" having fun--and being alluring and a little bit coy when there is no chance of going too far, ie: in front of his in-laws, at the store, and such. This affection and fun will carry over to when you have the chance and the time in private.
  12. Keep your sex life interesting, but if something feels demeaning, do not fail to explain how it made you feel. Be willing to try some innocent, new things (or even suggest/approach it affectionately without asking) and discuss them - don't just turn down fun and harmless play when he suggests something you don't feel is appealing immediately. This may make him feel rejected or that you are not having fun. At least be willing to discuss it nicely, and perhaps try it, but never do anything you are uncomfortable with after discussing it with him. Also, don't be afraid to discuss anything you might be interested in. Physical intimacy is as important to a marriage as is "emotional intimacy". Nurture them both.

    "Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Corinthians 7:5)
  13. Accept him and especially his little mannerisms and habits. Accept him as he is, so that you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change for you. He has so much to offer you, if you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you similarly.
  14. Be modest in public: as such a woman is a lady. "And that women may be dressed in simple clothing, with a quiet and serious air; not with vanity about her hair and gold or jewels or expensive clothing;" (1 Timothy 2:9) Encourage your husband to expect you to be modest in public and erotic in private with him. There is much temptation that results from women feeling as if they need to turn other men on and to show their sensual side in public. One thing may lead to another. Avoid immodesty.
  15. Always be quick to forgive, quick to repent and quick to believe:
    • Quick to forgive. Your spouse is not perfect and he will at times upset you, or even hurt your feelings. When this happens you have a choice to make; you either harbor offense and let your heart become hardened, or you can remember how patient and forgiving God is with you and forgive your husband just as you have been forgiven by The Lord.
    • Quick to repent. Just as your husband is not perfect neither are you. The Bible says that "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6) It is so important in your relationship with your husband and with God that you be willing to humble yourself and ask for forgiveness when you are wrong, or have acted in an unloving way.
    • Quick to believe. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, "it (love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
  16. See the best in your husband and in life. Don't simply focus on the bad about your husband, but see him the way God sees him; focus on the attributes that you love about him and always believe and compliment him, such as: "Honey, God is working in your heart, and so you are becoming more like Christ everyday." The trick is to believe this even when it doesn't look like it! That is real faith in action, believing God can bring it to reality even when you don't see it.

Tips

  • Be supportive, encouraging, and compliment him as much as you can. This doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your concerns, but there's a difference between expressing your needs versus criticizing his ability to meet them. Show consistent loyalty and loving regard in his absence and in his presence (whether you're in front of people or you're alone together). Affirm (praise) mutual agreeableness and patience for each other, nicely expecting similar regard and respect from your husband.
  • Developing a great marriage is up to you and your husband as you grow in your Joyful life in Christ, but you can both learn to be wonderful partners for each other by applying what you know. Be vigorous and lively in your pursuits as a loving, affectionate Christian.

    [2] (1 Peter 2:15-17)

Warnings

  • Violence is not tolerated--if he ever does it, even if he comes back seeming as loving as ever, and apologizes again and again and again--but the violence repeats and even escalates each time. Read How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship.
  • Don't be a control freak or an angry, aggressive wife. Be fair and honest about what is happening, but not tricky, controlling or self-centered...
  • If he turns violent, even once, make sure you're safe. Depending on the situation that might mean moving out, or calling the police, or telling someone, who should help you, what's happening; whatever you do: don't continue to suffer horrid behavior in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical, spiritual or emotional) in your relationship.
  • If you're forced to do things, or your good effort is unappreciated; if he hits you at all; if he tries to control your family or girlfriend that you see, or he demeans you, it's definitely not a good relationship. A real man gets what he wants without forcing. Talk things out or see a counselor.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ "...they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives..." -- 1 Peter 3:1-4
  2. ↑ "...by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men..." -- 1 Peter 2:15-17
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