Choose the Right Friends

Building healthy friendships is an important part of your social life. Your friends can have a major influence on how you think, feel, and behave.[1] You should look for friends that have good qualities and seek out new friends that are positive and supportive. You should also try to avoid negative friends so you can maintain a healthy, active social life.

Steps

Looking For Good Qualities in Your Friends

  1. Make sure your friends offer emotional support and guidance. Good friends will be willing to support you on a consistent basis, through your high points and your low points. Your friends should offer to support you during any difficult emotional times and be there for you in a real, genuine way. They may also offer guidance and advice when you need it.[2] [3]
    • You should consider if you feel supported by your friends and if so, in what ways. Maybe you remember a time where you were going through a rough break up and your friends checked in on you every day. Maybe your friends also tried to distract you from your emotions by taking you out for fun outings or by spending time with you one on one.
    • Good friends may also offer good advice and guidance during a confusing or hard time. Your friends should only offer advice when you ask for it and be willing to support you, even if they do not agree with your decision at the time. They may not like your decision to move away for school, for example, but they should still try to support you the best they can, as a friend.
  2. Determine if you have a good balance of give and take. Good friendships also have a good balance of giving and taking, where you feel mutually supported. You should try to cultivate friendships where there is a balance of give and take, and where you do not feel you are giving or taking more than the other person.[4]
    • Some people are natural givers, where they will do anything to help someone and support them. Some people are also natural takers, where they will take up someone else’s time and energy to fulfill their own needs. You should look for friends who can maintain a balance between these two extremes.
  3. Decide if your friends bring out the best in you. Your friends should also encourage you to develop into the best version of yourself you can be. They should help you focus on how you can be yourself and achieve your goals. Your friends should act as your own personal cheer squad, where they proudly encourage you to go after what you want.[2][1]
    • For example, maybe you are determined to get into medical school. Your friends may encourage you by asking about your studies and by helping you prepare your applications. They may also help you relieve the stress of the applications by taking you out to dinner and celebrate you when you get into school.
  4. Determine if you can communicate effectively with your friends. Another key aspect of a good friendship is positive communication, where you can share your thoughts and feelings without limits. You should be able to be yourself around your friends and feel you can share your opinions with them. You should not feel you have to censor yourself or keep quiet about your thoughts around your friends.[2][5]
    • However, you should also feel comfortable being called out or challenged by your friends. Strong-willed friends with strong opinions can help you cultivate a better sense of self-control and learn better from your mistakes.[1] You should not be turned off by friends who challenge your opinion or call out a comment you make that seems problematic.
    • Good friends will be willing to tell you when you are right and when you are wrong, as this will lead to healthier and more honest discussions. You should be comfortable doing this around your friends as well, as you should feel you can express your opinions, even if it seems counter to what your friends have to say.[5]
  5. Consider if you trust and respect your friends. Good friendships are built on mutual respect and mutual trust. You should feel you can trust your friends with private information and trust that they will support you, even when you’re not around. Good friends will stand up for you and support you in company of strangers and other friends.[2][5]
    • You should also cultivate respect for your friends. Though you may not share all the same interests or preferences, you should still respect their choices and the way they conduct themselves around others. You do not necessarily have to be into the same things, but you should show respect and consideration for each other.

Seeking Out Positive, New Friends

  1. Focus on making friends in person, rather than just online. Finding friends on social media can be a positive thing, especially if you are shy and struggle with meeting new people. But cultivating friendships in person can often lead to deeper and more meaningful connections. You should try to seek out others in person and build friendships by spending time together in real life, rather than just online.[1]
    • If you are shy and find it hard to make new friends, you may start by communicating with others on social media. You may start conversations on social media or follow certain users to connect with them that way. Over time, you may feel comfortable taking the online conversations into real life and spend time hanging out one on one.
  2. Take a new class or join an interesting club. You can also expand your friend circle by putting yourself in new, exciting situations. Maybe you take a class on a hobby or activity you’ve always wanted to get better at or join a club that focuses on something you are passionate about. You could then connect with others who share similar interests with you and build meaningful friendships with them.[2]
    • For example, you may have an interest in video games and want to connect with others who share your interest. You may join an online video game group and play with new people. You could then build friendships over time and spend time doing other things, like hanging out one on one or going to see a movie together that you will both enjoy.
  3. Volunteer for a cause you believe in. You can also meet new people and build positive friendships by volunteering for a cause or an organization you believe in. Volunteering is a good way to meet people who share the same beliefs and goals as you, which could then lead to strong friendships.[2]
    • For example, maybe you want to volunteer at an event for your local Women’s Shelter. You may spend time volunteering with a group of people who are all supporting a cause you believe in. You may connect with certain individuals and spend time after volunteering talking over a cup of coffee or a drink. This could then lead to a friendships with someone who you know shares the same values and beliefs as you.
  4. Turn an acquaintance into a friend. You may have a work acquaintance that you would like to turn into a friend or a mutual acquaintance with your partner that you would like to get to know better. Turning an acquaintance into a friend can be a good way to transition an existing relationship into a more meaningful one.[2]
    • You can try to turn the acquaintance into a friend by inviting them out for coffee or for dinner one on one where you can get to know each other on a deeper level. During the meeting, you should ask thoughtful questions and be a good listener to show the person that you can be a good person to get to know and hang out with.

Avoiding Negative Friends

  1. Stay away from friends who talk down to you or put you down. You should look for warning signs of a bad friend so you do not end up with friends who are negative and harmful. Avoid friends who belittle you by talking down to you or by putting you down with negative comments. These actions can be harmful to your self-esteem and your self-worth, leading to friendships that can be toxic and unhelpful.[2]
    • A negative friend may talk down to you by telling you that you are “worthless”, “stupid”, or “dumb”. They may also constantly tell you you are wrong about things and that you do not know what you are talking about.
    • They may also put you down in front of others to make themselves look better and focus on the things you are bad at to make you feel diminished. You may leave your hang outs with negative friends unsettled and feeling low.
  2. Avoid friends who use you. You should also stay away from friends who are only takers and do not give you any encouragement or support. Friends who use you are only interested in their own personal gains and wins. They may show no interest in your own needs and fail to show up when you need them.[5]
    • For example, maybe you win a big writing prize and feel your writing career is finally taking off. You may share this news with a friend, think she will be happy and supportive of your success. Instead, she may act jealous or disinterested in your news and instead focus on her own goals and needs. She may also try to use your success for her own gain and disregard your needs in the process.
  3. Try not to get involved with individuals who focus on the negative. You should also try to rid yourself of friends who are always harping on about the negative aspects of a situation, as this can end up draining you of your energy. You may have friends who only view things from a negative point of view and refuse to focus on the positive aspects. This may then lead you to also adopt a negative point of view and put in you in a permanent state of negativity.[5][2]
    • You may try to cheer up friends who are negative, to no avail. You may also feel you are responsible for making your negative friends feel happy and productive, leaving you with little time to focus on your own needs and goals. Avoiding negative friends will allow you to spend time on your own development and not use all your energy on someone else’s issues.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/5-reasons-studies-say-you-have-choose-your-friends
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 2.8 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
  3. ↑ http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/mar/08/choosing-friends-friendship-breakdown
  4. ↑ http://www.uklifecoaching.org/friends.htm
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 5.3 5.4 http://greatist.com/live/relationship-advice-how-to-be-a-true-friend
Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Choose_the_Right_Friends&oldid=273170"