Cope With the Death of a Grandparent

The death of a grandparent is often a child’s first experience of death and grief. Coping with this loss can be difficult and may take time to deal with. Grief is a process that affects everyone differently, no matter your age group. There are no right or wrong ways to cope with the pain of losing a grandparent, but you can use healthy methods to process your grief.

Steps

Reaching Out to Others

1. Talk to someone in your family about your grandparent’s death. Reach out to your parents, your siblings, or another person in your family that you feel close to. Try to talk about your grandparent’s death as a way to process your grief. Ask questions about your grandparent’s life, especially if you did not know her well. Focus on addressing her death with others in your family as a way to cope together.
   • You could start by asking your parents, "Where did grandma go?" or "Why did grandma go away?"
   • If you are a parent responding to your child's questions about the grandparent's death, use simple and clear language. Respond with: "You know that grandma has been sick for some time with cancer. He wasn't sick the way you were when you had a cold last week, this was very different. We all hoped she would get better. But she didn't and now she has died from cancer."
2. Do not feel afraid or ashamed to cry in front of others. While you may think it is embarrassing or shameful to cry in front of others, releasing your emotions can help you to grieve and displaying grief to others may also help them grieve. Be okay with crying and showing emotion around your grandparent’s death. Support your family members or friends who are also upset and give them a hug or comfort them in some way.
   • Parents who are talking to their children about the death of a grandparent should be open with their emotions and cry or get upset. Your child will take this a sign that he can also cry or get upset, allowing him to process his grief.
3. Attend your grandparent’s funeral with your family, if possible. Though it may be difficult, attending the funeral can help with the grieving process and make it easier to understand that your grandparent is gone. Going with your family can offer you support and kinship as you grieve.
   • Parents can ask the child if she would like to go to the funeral to celebrate and acknowledge the life of the deceased grandparent. Offering this option will allow the child to decide if she is comfortable with attending. Often, children will opt to attend so they can say goodbye to their grandparent.
   • If your child decides to attend the funeral, you should talk to her beforehand about what to expect at the funeral. Note that she may line up behind other family members and choose to view the body or she may decide to stay on the sidelines. Explain what a casket is and that the grandparent may appear like he is sleeping in the casket. You may also want to talk to the person running the service and let him know that you are bringing a child with you to the service.
4. Share your fears around death with close friends. If you have close friends who have also recently experienced the death of a loved one, reach out to them and share your fears and emotions with them. Telling others how you feel can help you to process your feelings and feel a bit better about your loss.
   • Parents should also reinforce that it is not the child's fault that the grandparent has passed away and that the grandparent passed away because of an illness or an accident. Children can experience fear and anxiety around death, and may blame themselves or become afraid that everyone around them is going to die. Be patient and explain that grandpa died for a specific reason and that older people are more susceptible to health issues.

Paying Tribute to Your Grandparent

1. Create a memorial for your grandparent. Sometimes it can help to create a physical tribute to your grandparent by making a memorial. This could be a collection of photographs of your grandparent or a drawing or painting you make of your grandparent and frame. You could then hang it in a special spot in your home or your room so you always remember your grandparent.
2. Visit your grandparent’s grave. Take time out of your day to spend some time at your grandparent’s grave. Bring flowers or sentimental items to place at his grave as a form of tribute and acknowledgement. This can also give you the opportunity to “talk” to your grandparent at the grave and share any emotions or feelings you are experiencing. Often, visiting the grave can act as a form of comfort during the grieving process.
3. Write a letter to your grandparent. Another way to create a tribute to your grandparent is to sit down and write a personal letter or story about your grandparent or dedicated to your grandparent. You can then store the letter in a safe place and read it whenever you are feeling sad about her death. Expressing your emotions by writing them down can help you to process your grief and cope with her death.
4. Share memories and stories about your grandparent with other family members. Another way to pay tribute to your grandparent is to keep his memory alive by sharing memories and stories about him with your family. This could be a funny story from his childhood that was relayed to you by another family member or a memory you have of a time you both spent together while he was still alive.
   • You may make this a habit around the grandparent's birthday or on the anniversary of her death to remember her and pay tribute to her. Having a consistent day or days where you remember the grandparent can help with the grieving process.

Getting Professional Help

1. Talk to a counselor at school. If you are younger in age and struggling with the death of a grandparent, you may want to reach out to a counselor at your school. Talk about any emotions or feelings you may be having and how you struggling to process these feelings. Often, your grief can lead to other issues, such as doing poorly in school or feeling socially isolated from others. Sharing your feelings with a counselor may help to alleviate some of your sadness and grief, allowing you to start to feel better.
   • The counselor may suggest coping with your grief by taking up extracurricular activities you enjoy doing. She may also help you recognize any triggers in your external environment that could cause you to feel sad, upset, or depressed.
   • The counselor can also teach you positive coping strategies, where you channel your negative feelings into positive actions, such as doing relaxation exercises, socializing with family and friends, getting enough sleep, and maintaining a healthy diet.
2. Speak to a therapist if you feel disturbed or upset by your grandparent’s death. You can also seek professional help from a grief counselor or a therapist that specializes in grief. Talk to your parents if you are of a younger age and experiencing intense feelings of loss that will not go away or that are conflicting with your day to day life.
   • The therapist may suggest writing down your feelings and emotions in a journal, run through role playing exercises with you, and help you to process any feelings of "unfinished business" with your deceased grandparent so you can gain a sense of closure.
3. Join a grief support group. There are many grief support groups that you can join, whether in your area, or online. Look for a support group that focuses on the loss of a grandparent or an elder. Often, it can be very comforting to talk to others who are experiencing very similar emotions as you in a safe, welcoming environment.

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• Cope With the Loss of a Loved One
• Cope With Death
• Cope With Losing a Loved One

Sources and Citations

See also

• Emotionally Prepare for a Funeral when You Have Depression
• Grieve a Friend's Death with Mutual Friends
• Deal With Death
• Deal With the Death of a Grandparent
• Deal With a Friend's Death
• Deal With Your Brother or Sisters' Death
• Deal With a Parent's Death
• Help People Dealing with the Death of a Loved One
• Deal with the Death of a Grandmother
• Mourn

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