Deal With Being Alone

Not everyone likes to spend time alone, but spending time alone can be a great way to relax, work on yourself, and solve problems. If you have a hard time spending time alone, then figuring out how to make the most of your alone time may help you to enjoy it more. Even though alone time can be healthy, keep in mind that spending too much time alone can lead to loneliness, so it is important to seek help if you are feeling depressed or anxious as a result of spending too much time on your own.

Steps

Making the Most of Alone Time

  1. Make plans to spend time alone. Sometimes alone time is necessary because plans fall through or nothing is going on, but it is also a good idea to make plans to spend time on your own now and then. Try setting aside about 30 minutes per day to be alone and do something that you want to do. It might feel strange to plan alone time at first, but over time it will become easier and you may even begin to look forward to it.[1]
    • Try setting aside a specific block of time that you will spend by yourself. For example, you might decide that you are going to spend some time alone from 5:30-6:00pm every evening.
    • Decide what you want to do during your alone time as well. If you are not sure what you want to do, you can start with something simple like taking a walk around your neighborhood or going to a coffee shop by yourself to read.
  2. Choose activities that you will enjoy doing during your alone time. To help make alone time more fun, plan to do something that you want to do. Alone time is a great way to indulge in your hobbies and to get to know yourself better, so think about what you would really like to do during your alone time.[1][2]
    • Try learning a new hobby, such as a sport or craft that you’ve always wanted to get into. Some good sports for alone time include running, biking, skateboarding, swimming, and dancing. Good hobbies for alone time include knitting, baking, sewing, building model planes, writing, reading, and scrapbooking.
    • Consider filling your alone time with a project that will take some time, such as a knitting an afghan or learning how to skateboard. That way you can use each of your alone time slots to work on the project and you will feel a sense of accomplishment when you finally complete it.
  3. Take care of yourself. It can be hard to pamper yourself when lots of people are around, but alone time can provide you with the opportunity to pamper yourself and see to other personal needs as well. Try using your alone time to do things that you want to do for yourself.[3]
    • For example, you could use your alone time to see to personal care needs, like taking a bath, styling your hair, or giving yourself a manicure.
  4. Learn something new about yourself. When you are alone, you can focus more on the things that you want to do without being interrupted or distracted by other people. Try using your alone time to get to know yourself better.[1]
    • For example, you could start a journal to write about your thoughts and feelings during your alone time. Or, you could try listening to a new genre music, try out a new hobby, or identify a new goal that you want to work on.
  5. Relax during your alone time. Being with people all of the time creates stress and takes a lot of energy. Spending some time alone each day can give your body and mind the chance to recharge.[1]
    • To relax during your alone time, you could try meditation, yoga, tai chi, or deep breathing exercises.
  6. Solve a problem that you have been facing. When you spend time with others, you may not be able to focus enough to solve difficult problems. Having some alone time each day can allow you to spend time deep in thought and work on solutions to problems.Try using some of your alone time to just sit and think about a problem that you have been trying to solve.[1]
    • For example, you might be facing a difficult personal problem that you need some time to think about. Or, you might have a challenging project coming up at work or at school that requires some deep thought.

Having Healthy Alone Time

  1. Seek out people when you need to talk instead of turning to social media. You might be tempted to turn to social media when you feel lonely, but it is better to call someone or speak to someone face to face when you need social interaction. Social media may seem like a good substitute for human interaction, but it can increase feelings of isolation.[4]
    • If you need someone to talk to, then call a friend or go somewhere where you can talk to people.
  2. Watch television in moderation. If you have difficulty getting out or making friends, then you may try to find substitutes for human interaction, like watching TV. But watching TV when you feel lonely instead of spending time with people can make matters worse.
    • Try to limit yourself to an hour or two of television per day and do not use it as a replacement for interacting with other people.
  3. Limit your use of alcohol when you are alone. Having a drink by yourself now and then is not a problem, but using alcohol to cope with being alone can cause major problems for you. You should not need to drink or use other substances to make alone time bearable.[5]
    • If you are relying on alcohol (or drugs) in order to deal with being alone, then you should seek some help from a mental health professional.
  4. Learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. Being alone just means that no one else is around, while being lonely is when you feel sad and/or anxious because you want to interact with other people.[6]
    • During alone time, you should feel content and comfortable. When you are feeling lonely, you may feel depressed, hopeless, or like you are an outcast.
    • If you are feeling lonely because of too much alone time, then you may want to speak to a therapist about these feelings.
  5. Remember that fear of being alone is normal. It might help you to remember that it is normal to be a little afraid of spending time alone. People crave human contact, so spending time alone may not always seem like a fun prospect. That is why it is important to find a balance between being alone and seeking appropriate interactions.[4][7]
    • Keep in mind that it is normal to feel a little fearful of alone time, but it is unhealthy to avoid it all the time. If you think that you have an extreme fear of being alone, then talk to a therapist about ways that you can overcome this fear.[7]
  6. Seek out healthy relationships and let go of unhealthy ones. While it is important to maintain your good relationships, you should let go of any relationships that are unhealthy or that make you feel unhappy. Some people stay in unhealthy relationships out of a fear of being alone, but doing so may be more harmful than helpful.[8]
    • If you are in a relationship that makes you unhappy, but you are afraid to end it because you don’t want to be alone, talk to someone who can help. Arrange to meet with a trusted friend, a spiritual leader, or a counselor to discuss your situation.
    • Make sure that you grow and maintain your support network. Part of dealing with being alone is having a solid support network of friends and family that you can turn to when you need help. Look for ways to meet new friends and maintain your current friends, such as taking a class at your gym, meeting up with a friend for coffee, or joining a special interest group in your area.

Tips

  • Consider starting a new book or a taking an online class, so that you have something to look forward to during your alone time.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201201/6-reasons-you-should-spend-more-time-alone
  2. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-be-alone/
  3. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/20/3-self-care-strategies-to-transform-your-life/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201410/the-importance-being-alone
  5. ↑ http://alcoholrehab.com/alcoholism/dangers-of-drinking-alcohol-alone/
  6. ↑ http://www.counseling.ufl.edu/cwc/how-to-deal-with-loneliness.aspx
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 Reeve, J, (2008), “Understanding Motivation and Emotion”, ISBN 978-0470392232
  8. ↑ http://individual.utoronto.ca/sspielmann/Spielmann_et_al_inpress_JPSP.pdf
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