Deal With Girls

When you’re in school, everyone around you is changing, dealing with stress, and trying to find out who they are. It can be really tough to fit in. Maybe a girl is being really mean and you don’t know what to do. Maybe you have a crush on a girl but don’t know how to talk to her. Maybe there is a cool girl that you want to become friends with, but you don’t know how to start. A few helpful tips can help you deal with girls in these different situations.

Steps

Dealing with Mean Girls

  1. Know why they’re being mean. Girls can be bullies for a number of reasons, and it usually has nothing to do with you.
    • The need to be accepted and in control sometimes causes girls to be mean. They might not feel accepted at home, or feel out of control in another part of their lives. They might act mean to feel like they are on top for once.[1]
    • Girls are sometimes mean to another person just because the person is different. If someone is a little taller or quieter or better in class, it can be threatening to a mean girl, so they make fun of that person. This has to do with their own insecurities, not with the target of their bullying.
  2. Stand up for yourself. It might not be easy, but mean girls often don’t expect someone to question them.
    • If they’re making fun of you, immediately tell them to stop it. Showing confidence and strength lets the mean girl know you are not an easy target.
    • Say something like, “Hey, stop! You’re being rude and I don’t have to listen to it.”
    • Have your friends stand up to the mean girls with you. Like dealing with anything else, a little backup helps! It’s easier to stand up to a bully if you have some support.[2]
  3. Kill them with kindness. A mean person does not expect to get nice words in return. Being kind to a mean girl can throw her off balance.
    • If a girl is being mean to you, you can ask something like, “Are you having a bad day?” Showing concern and care might stop her in her tracks.
    • Being nice when someone is being mean will, at the very least, get on their nerves. It might also make them think about their behavior.[3]
    • Being kind also shows that you are confident enough to ignore their meanness and be the better person.
  4. Like yourself. Be confident in yourself and surround yourself with people who care about you.
    • There is nothing wrong with being smart, short, a little overweight, or different in any way. When you love yourself and have friends who love you, the mean girls don’t matter.
    • When someone is mean to you, it is really their problem, not yours. If you respect yourself, then the mean things they say aren’t important.[2]

Talking to a Girl You Like

  1. Approach the girl with confidence. Girls are more likely to be attracted to a person who is confident in who they are.
    • Smile and be in control of yourself. Even if you are nervous, a smile will show that you are friendly and approachable. Try not to fidget or show that you’re nervous.
    • Stand up straight and make eye contact. Standing up straight will make you feel stronger, and eye contact lets her know that you are paying attention.
  2. Start a conversation. Asking her questions about herself is a good starting point.
    • This will show your interest and get the conversation flowing. Try asking her if she likes sports, if she’s seen a new movie, or how her day has been.
    • Think about some things you’re interested in, and ask if she’s interested in these things too. You might find that you like the same soccer team, or both love hip hop.
    • Ask to borrow something, like a pen, even if you don’t need it, to get her talking.[4]
  3. Listen to her. Genuinely hearing and responding to what a girl says lets her know that you care.
    • Pay attention to how the conversation is going. If you are doing most of the talking and she is barely responding, she may not be interested.[5]
  4. Point out what you have in common. If you like the same kinds of books or even have the same classes, talk about it!
    • If you both take Spanish, ask her to help you with that day’s assignment. If you both have dogs, offer to go to the dog park together.
    • You probably already like her because you have some things in common. Having the same favorite book or movie will make a girl feel more connected to you.[4]

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

  1. Be genuine. People can tell when you are faking interest in them.
    • Genuinely pay attention to what a girl says and does. Showing true interest in her life will let her know that you respect her.
    • Remembering small things like her favorite food or the name of her dog will show that the things she says are truly important to you.[6]
  2. Look for telling behaviors. If a girl isn’t showing as much interest in you, she may not be friend or girlfriend material.
    • If she isn’t asking you questions, showing interest in your life, or giving you all of her attention, then you may not want to spend any more time with her.[6]
    • If you try to make plans to hang out and she doesn’t seem interested or changes the subject, then she might not be the person for you.
  3. Give a girl some time and space. Don’t follow her around and bombard her with questions. If she wants to be your friend or girlfriend, she will also seek out conversations with you.
    • Being clingy with a girl can be annoying, and may make her change her mind about hanging out with you. She needs time to be alone or hang out with other people, just like you do.[6]
    • If you've given her some space and she comes to talk to you, then she is probably interested in having a relationship with you.
  4. Know what you want. Pinpointing what kind of girl you are looking for can help you decide if she is the right person to spend time with.[6]
    • A friend or girlfriend is someone you can freely talk to and trust. If a girl makes fun of other people or is disrespectful, then she is not friend material.
    • Make sure you actually like the person and don’t just want to be around her because she’s popular. Relationships are based on shared interests and respect. If you want to be someone’s friend only because of social status, then you are trying for the wrong reasons.
    • Friendships and relationships are special bonds. You should only spend your time with someone who respects and cares about you as much as you care about her.
  5. Have open, honest communication. Relationships that are built on secrets and lies will eventually crumble.
    • Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. From the beginning, friends should accept each other for who they truly are. Relationships are built on truth and honesty, and they will crumble if you aren’t being true to who you are and honest about what you want from the other person.[7]
    • Being open with one another can prevent fights in the future. Tell each other when and why you’re getting annoyed or mad, when it's actually happening. Then things will not build up over time and boil over into a huge fight later on.[7]
  6. Have fun together! The best part about relationships is doing fun things with someone else.
    • Go to the movies, hiking, shopping, or dancing together. You and your friend or girlfriend have similar interests, so do things that you will both enjoy.
    • No matter what you’re doing, blowing off steam with a good friend is the perfect way to balance all of the challenges and hard times in life. Your girlfriend should be there for you in the bad times, but also in the good.[8]

Tips

  • Respect and be kind to everyone, no matter how they treat you.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://teens.webmd.com/girls/features/dealing-with-mean-girls?page=2
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://teens.webmd.com/girls/features/dealing-with-mean-girls?page=4
  3. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/dinagachman/2013/03/06/four-ways-to-deal-with-mean-girls-and-guys/#4a0aa31f2d66
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://classroom.synonym.com/talk-crush-first-time-school-9555.html
  5. ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/crush-on-girl
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 6.3 http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/how-to-make-friends.htm
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201301/5-ways-maintain-lifelong-friendships
  8. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ron-culberson-msw-csp/friendships_b_2957789.html

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