Deal With Someone Who Calls You a Racial Name

Being called a racial slur can be a painful experience. You may feel anger, sadness, and a host of other negative feelings. Here's how to handle it appropriately.

Steps

  1. First, take a deep breath. A racial slur, much like a gender orientation slur is meant to harm you psychologically. The speaker is attempting to imply that you are somehow inherently inferior to them. First, since you can't control others, you must maintain control of yourself.
  2. Assess the situation. Again, racial slurs are very similar to gender slurs in that they can be simple outbursts or they can be a prelude to an attack or further attempts at humiliation.
  3. If it is just an outburst, you can choose to ignore it, or choose to report it to someone in authority (who may or may not do anything about it). Also, you can choose to insult the person that insults you, but be aware that this tactic may escalate into an argument. Do not waste time reacting to those meaning more harm than just insulting you such as threatening your life.
  4. If it is most unfortunately a prelude to an attack, be aware that, in an attempt to move beyond being a verbal bully, like a rapist, a violent racist's objective is to humiliate you, through the individual's twisted, irrational sense of self-worth, annihilate your self-esteem; You are dealing with a nut. Go into survival mode.
  5. Do whatever you must to survive an attack situation, including getting away. If only you do not have the choice of getting away, then stand your ground and try to fight back. Let them see that you cannot be broken no matter what they say or do to you.
  6. If all they are going to do is talk trash and try to provoke you to attack them, don't give them what they want. Just report them or tell them that they are being silly. When people are talking trash, they want to be treated as if they are really a threat. Laughing at them for the idiots they are, cuts them off at the knees.

Tips

  • Racial insults are often a reaction to a cause that is not at all your fault, there is no measurement of worthiness of a race and the person using unpleasant words in surely has no knowledge or proper judgment abilities. Keep that in mind when you think of a response.
  • Remember that people from all ethnic groups and religions are the victims of racial hatred just as much as other ethnic groups. If you belong to any of the other ethnic groups that is being racially abused DO stand up for yourself, report the incident and make sure that it is followed through.
  • Remember to stand by those who are abused, a strong unity is the proper and retaliation of abusive nonsense words.

Warnings

  • Be aware that most racial slurs/name calling is done in a non aggressive way, responding in an aggressive manner is likely to provoke a potentially dangerous situation, as well as re-affirm the verbal attackers ignorance and stereotype.

Psychosocial Analysis

Even when done in a seemingly non-aggressive way, it hurts.

But there is a reason for this that every victim needs to understand in order to protect him or herself. It has to do with the concept of societal acceptance. Imagine this, you grow up, and you see members of another race live in the best houses, drive the best cars, wear the best clothes. But you are excluded from that because of your race. Years later, when some random stranger comes up to you and calls you a racial slur. It doesn't matter even if the person is disheveled or even homeless; in your mind's eye that racial slur symbolizes the exclusion and hurt that you have faced all these years. It's a low blow, it hurts.

Obviously there are several disconnects here. But the brain is conditioned to work like this.

Now you only have 2 basic options;

1) Passively ignore the person and walk away.

2) Actively by engaging in a verbal altercation and possibly physical altercation.

None of these options are particularly good.

Option 1 hurts you and perpetuates the damage to your self esteem (of course if you can truly ignore it, then this doesn't happen) but it is hard!

Option 2 is risky and requires time and energy. Only engage in option 2 if you are sure you can get help and support either from bystanders or authorities. You need to be sure that you can effectively neutralize the threat. Remember, aggression can take the form of counter-insults, belittlement instead of physical violence. Better to let out that aggression on your attacker to defend yourself than to carry it home to your loved ones. Remember your goal is prevail over your attacker and to show that he or she is weaker than you are (and if they have to resort to picking on a complete stranger to feel good about themselves, then trust me they are weaker and stupider than you are).

I would take a deep breath then use a multi-step graduated approach. try to use the low aggression opening lines whenever possible to minimize violence.

Low aggression. "Say I really don't appreciate that comment" "I find that very offensive!"

Medium aggression. <Laugh Sarcastically> "That's funny, did you come up with that yourself? Must have taken you all night, you idiot!"

High aggression. <Laugh> "That's funny son, your mama seemed to like me just fine last night!"

Memorize a few choice lines now. Practice in front of a mirror to control the level of menace. That way it will come out without having to think about it! Please understand that this situation will come up again, since whatever made you an attractive target in the first place will likely be unchanged! So the better prepared you are for the next time it happens, the better you will be at it; come up with a game-plan now and stick to it.

Remember this is about dominance and aggression. If you don't want to feel bad, you do have to be aggressive. If you are good at protecting your self-esteem through meditation then go with option 1. Otherwise whenever, you hear a racial slur, you should be able to retort with a reply and/or response immediately.

Remember these people ARE idiots and bullies and you need to treat and remind them as such; if you are hurt make it known and gather as much support as you can, you don't get a medal for suffering in silence.

Indirect/subtle racial slur

This is a more subtle slur that is harder to respond to and perhaps more pervasive. The perpetrator has more of a modicum of "class" or "intelligence", and may say something seemingly indirect in your direction such as "I can't believe the people they let in here these days" or "Immigration has really ruined this country".

Make no mistake, this is a baited trap. If you were to respond too vigorously, you will definitely lose, since they can easily label you as overreacting and truly a proof of their racial superiority and class, and they can easily back out of any responsibility of their comments. After all, they weren't talking to you were they?

In this case the best response is to not fall into the trap. Shake your head, and look at them with pity and laugh if they are really in your face. Again, this is about aggression and dominance. Once you can get them to commit to overt racism, then you can call them out.

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