Fake Vomit
If you want to cook up a batch of fake vomit to pretend you're sick, you can learn to pick the right ingredients to make it look right. Learn a few recipes for gross-looking fake vomit and how to sell it like you're really sick.
Contents
Steps
Making Fake Vomit
- Use leftovers from dinner. After dinner take some leftovers from dinner and chew your food about 20 times and spit it into a plastic Ziplock bag. Make sure you have a lot of Make Leftovers Into Tasty New Meals, but not so much that it'll be obvious all the leftovers are gone.
- Use some water to help thin out the chewed up food and make it look more vomit-like. Other additions that make fake vomit look gross include thousand island salad dressing, Vaseline, and milk.
- Alternatively, you could use breakfast cereal or whatever it is that you plan on eating for breakfast. You might be able to make it a more convincing show.
- Mix orange juice, milk, and crackers. Maybe the most accurate looking fake concoction you can make easily and quickly is to combine three simple elements into a Ziplock bag quickly. Mix equal parts of orange juice and milk and then chew up a handful of plain saltine crackers and spit them into the liquid. Massage the bag to mix it thoroughly and make it look gross.
- Use canned soup. If you don't have any leftovers to use for your fake vomit recipe, start looking through the cupboards for cans of soup that you could use for your concoction. Good candidates include clam chowder, beef stew, pea soup, or other fairly chunky soups that will look like they've already been swallowed.
- Like the leftovers, try to thin the soup out some with some water or some milk. You probably don't need to use all of the can of soup, maybe less than half a can. Store the vomit in a plastic bag or a jar and hide it in your room.
- Use oatmeal and food coloring. Get an empty bottle and fill it 3/4 with water, then add a few drops of different colors of food coloring to make a gross, brownish, dark color in the mixture. Add a pinch of chewed up leftovers to the mixture for extra texture and grossness.
- The mixture should be mostly water. If you add too much oatmeal, it's going to look like oatmeal. If your parents look closely and know you haven't eaten oatmeal recently, you'll be caught.
- Make spoiled milk vomit. If you want to go really gross with your fake vomit, you can do some planning ahead of time. Pour some milk into a glass and hide it in your room, preferably in a corner far from your bed so you won't have to smell it. Wait several days until it spoils and gets all chunky and gross. It'll usually take between three and five days. Chocolate and strawberry look best.
- Before it spoils, you might want to add some chewed up food and other stuff just so you won't have to add it later. You'll want to be around it as little as possible.
Faking Sick
- Hide the vomit in your room until the coast is clear. Keep your fake puke in a plastic bag or a jar and hide it somewhere in your room. Make sure it's safe in a container, because you don't want to spill it somewhere and have a disgusting mess on your hands.
- If your puke is discovered before you get ready to 'reveal' it in the toilet, just play it off like it's a science project, or an "experiment."
- Fake getting sick first thing in the morning. As soon as you get up, start complaining that you feel sick. Don't eat breakfast, or try chewing food with a horrible look on your face, as if you can't imagine eating something. Just start acting like you feel terrible. Make sure that your parents know you're "not feeling well."
- The morning is the best time to fake it. If you're throwing up, you won't be sent to school in the morning. If you fake it too early, like the night before or in the middle of the night, it's more likely that you'll be caught.
- Take your fake vomit into the bathroom. When you get a chance, slip away into the bathroom with your fake vomit in a plastic bag. Make sure you lock the door so you don't get caught fumbling with a plastic bag full of the fake stuff.
- If the vomit had dried, shake a bit of water around to get it moist again. Now kneel down in front of the toilet and start groaning.
- Make a big scene. When you get into the bathroom, start groaning and making retching sounds. As you make the sound quickly pour the vomit into the toilet as if you were vomiting. Dispose of the container as soon as possible. Turn slightly away from the toilet, groan and breathe slowly as if you had just been sick.
- Don't dump your fake vomit on the floor. If you think you might get in trouble for pretending to get sick, imagine how much trouble you'll be in if you faked getting sick and made your parents clean up rotten milk and soup off the carpet.
- Brush your teeth immediately after fake vomiting. It's possible to get caught immediately after dumping your fake puke, if it looks like you haven't puked. After you dump it out, start brushing your teeth, which is something you might normally do after throwing up. Open the door and let your parents see the puke in the toilet, just before you're flushing it down. The reason why you should brush your teeth is because usually, people get bad breath while they're sick, so parents may ask to smell your breath. If they do, tell them you brushed your teeth.
- Keep selling it. For the most part, you shouldn't have to do much more after your parents see a toilet full of "vomit". You'll be able to stay home from school that day. But, that doesn't mean you can suddenly turn around and start doing cartwheels. Act like you're pretty wiped out and tired, head to bed, and relax throughout your day off.
- If your parents call you from work, put on a groaning and tired voice. Say you are still feeling awful but not as much as in the morning.
- Don't overdo it. The suggestion of puke doesn't need to be overdone. If you want to stay home from school, you might even be able to get away with it just by saying that you puked and not necessarily showing it to anyone. Don't over think it. You don't have to prove that you're sick by taking a mouth full of disgusting soup and milk combo and fake puking on the floor.
- If you want to fake throwing up in front of someone for fun, do it in one quick motion (like a muscle spasm), leaning forward. Puff up your cheeks like you're about to puke. Repeat about 3 times, then pretend to swallow. Do this a few times, more dramatic each time. Finally in two more retches, spit out the mixture.
Tips
- Tell your parents (or whoever) that you don't feel well the night before your "big scene".
- Don't do it right away. If you walk to school or your parents drive you, don't do it first thing in the morning. Get dressed and get ready for school like normal, but be a little slower than usual and pretend to be dizzy. If your parents ask you what's wrong tell them you're not feeling well. Then a few minutes before you're about to leave head to the bathroom and bring out the big guns.
- Try not to keep saying 'I feel sick' or it gives it away.
- Try not to overdo it with the groaning or the sound affects.
- Make sure you know how stinky and gross your puke is. If it's too watered down it looks like you faked it.
- Make sure not to overpower the mixture of leftovers and milk or juice or else it will give it away.
- Say you feel light-headed, dizzy, or nauseous beforehand.
- It helps if you lie flat on your back while on the phone or tip your head back. This makes you sounds like you have a blocked nose.
- Try making constant trips to the toilet, then on the last trip, pull off your fake vomit.
- Don't make your mixture too potent. A wretched smell can lead to actual vomiting, and then you will actually not feel well...
- Be careful because fake vomiting can lead to a trip to the doctor.
- Keep an exhausted look in your eye to get the sick vibe going.
- Make sure that it is not obvious and don't complain so much but still complain.
- Act how you actually act when you're sick. If you usually deny being sick, deny being sick, and vice-versa.
- Wash up the container you used when nobody is around. Doing it while people around can get you caught.
Warnings
- Make sure you don't mind sleeping with the smell of half-eaten food in your room.
- Be aware that you may be missing something important at school and may have to get notes off a friend or student.
