Fake Sick to the School Nurse

Every so often, students may need to fake an illness to the school nurse. You may have less severe or embarrassing symptoms that you don't want to tell the nurse about, or you could just need to get out of school to miss a test, avoid a bully, or just to take a mental health day. Since there are many people who fake badly, here are some tips to faking an illness and still being believable and hopefully getting a parent to pick you up from school.

Steps

  1. Play the guessing game. Never tell her what you think you have ie. flu, cold, migraine, etc. Just tell her your symptoms (i.e. stomach ache, head ache, itchy throat, achy, nauseated, etc.).
  2. Plan in advance. If you have a test you are trying to avoid, go to the nurse hours before. They will always ask what you have right now and if anything important is going on.
  3. Mention feeling bad that morning or the night before to your parents. They won't be shocked when the nurse calls your house.
    • Just mention it casually. Ask if there are any cough drops at the house or where the box of Kleenex is.
    • Don't overdo it with the parents. If they don't let you stay home sick don't try it with the nurse or it could end badly too.
    • Keep the symptoms you told your parents similar to what you tell the nurse. You may want to escalate the severity a bit. For example: tell your parents you have a little sore throat or cough a bit, and ask for cough drops. Then tell the nurse you have a sore throat, headache, and feel gross or ache all over.
  4. Avoid suggesting they call your parents. NEVER ask the nurse, have her suggest it to you. This is a tragic mistake many people make. If you overextend yourself she'll send you right back to class. Instead, ALWAYS ask to "lie down", just to "close your eyes" or to see if your mother can bring you some Tylenol or Advil. This is more believable. She'll probably allow you to do that for a period. In elementary school, about 2 hours
  5. Fall asleep or at least fake it when you lay down. This makes the sickness more believable. Cover your face with the pillow or a rag.Try not to do something funny some nurses check to see if your asleep.Some people panic and try to fake snore, but, all you have to do is keep your eyes close, mouth open a little if your head is tilted let a little sniff or cough out to convince the nurse that you're not faking (but you are;-)).
  6. When she "wakes" you up, tell her you still feel really sick. However, you can't ask to go home. You have to get her to make the very first move.
  7. Don't be too eager. She'll ask if you want to call your mom. You are almost there, however, if you jump up and accept she'll be a little wary.
    • Say something like "I don't know, I don't want to miss school," or "I think I should get the homework first."
  8. Slip in the, "Maybe you're right, I just can't concentrate."
  9. Keep it simple! You're more believable when you aren't trying to fake vomiting or other serious syndromes. Leave your fake vomit recipes for Halloween parties. Not everyone throws up when they're sick and it's too easy to spot a fake. Vomit has a bile smell so even if it looks like vomit it won't smell like it.
  10. Give them credit! School nurses have seen most of the tricks before so you're better off not bothering with tricks (vomit, fake fevers, etc.) and just saying you feel bad. They become suspicious when someone says "vomiting" because that's the first trick some people try when they want to go home. If the nurse takes your temperature, let her put it in your mouth, and once she leaves or looks away, take it out and wave it in the air. Especially if it is the chemical type (i.e. a small plastic tab that has dots on the end that change colors like green, blue, and red) Then put it back and say "I feel sleepy" because low body temperature makes you feel VERY drowsy...
  11. Be more believable and instead of feigning vomiting, just say you started feeling bad. The fewer and more normal the symptoms the more likely they'll believe you.
  12. Act sick until your mother or father picks you up. Close your eyes and clear your throat often (if complaining of sore throat) all the way home.
  13. Go straight to bed when you get home. Stay there until your parents leave to go back to work.
  14. You could also make your eyes really red and say you think you have pink eye, or an eye infection. The nurse won't let you stay if they think you are contagious. You can do this by putting a bit of blush around your eyes to redden them but avoid glittery ones at all costs.
  15. One sure way is to say you threw up in a bathroom. If the nurse asks you if anyone saw it say one of your friends did (name the friend don't say she/he's your friend!) and tell your friend in advance to play along if the nurse asks. EVERY public school sends a child home if they threw up.
  16. Before hand, you could say you feel really dizzy, and in class, take slow breaths. Try blinking your eyes a couple times, and when you do, keep them closed for longer than a regular blink. (A couple seconds will work.) If the teacher asks you if you feel okay, you could say you're really tired and that the lights hurt your eyes. Sometimes that happens. Be believable. Often if students feel sick or dizzy, they don't mention it to the teacher because they think it will go away.

Tips

  • Say you have to go to the bathroom to the nurse, flush the toilet, and wash your hands. While your washing your hands, put hot water in your mouth and come out, the nurse will ask if your better now, just shake your head no (say no quietly if you're faking a headache) and swallow the hot water, now she will put the thermometer in your mouth. Most likely it will be 102 or higher.
  • As you walk into school try to look tired and slouchy. People will think there's something wrong with you.
  • Try to time it so your parent's day won't get ruined or they simply can't come get you. Don't try it when they're at the airport trying to catch a plane. There's nothing worse than being sick, the nurse making the call and you're still stuck because your parents are tied up in meetings. Pay attention to what your parents say about their schedule. You may have to get to the nurse earlier.
  • Pay attention to what other teachers and students have been getting sick with the last week or two. If strep throat or a stomach flu is going around you can jump on that symptom bandwagon. The nurse will probably know it's been going around.
  • If you're stuck in the nurse's office during lunch she may ask if you're hungry and want to get some lunch. Say no and that you're just not hungry.
  • Prepare for coming back. When you go back to school, your teachers will make you do the work you missed. Try to get the homework from your sick day the day before, but be careful, so you won't cause suspicion.
  • Tell her you've had a few bathroom emergencies with an upset stomach. Your potentially embarrassing symptoms will make it seem unlikely that you're lying. Let her know your stomach cramps up until you get to the bathroom and then it's better for a while.
  • Don't suddenly stop being sick or your parents will catch on very quickly. If you do comment how you're feeling better at least 20 minutes before.
  • If you want to, test your luck with the vomit. Bring a good friend that says you threw up in the bathroom.
  • If you are complaining of a head ache also tie in sore throat, feeling achy. You can also say you blew up green when you blew your nose. This looks like a sinus infection or a head cold. This is potentially contagious and they won't want you at school.
  • Believe it, if you get into it good enough you can sort of trick your body into believing that you're sick, making the symptoms more realistic.
  • Try to rub Vaporub on your eyelids. It will make you teary, a classic symptom of a cold.
  • A headache with light sensitivity is a symptom of a migraine. Don't try to fake one if you've never had one. The symptoms are pretty unique.
  • Faking a headache or being dizzy is easy. Just do things slower and be clumsy. People can't prove that you are faking it! ;)
  • Act tired and if you're standing up try to look flushed and wobble about a bit as if you're going to faint if you don't lie down.
  • If they ask if you've had anything to drink say yes. They'll expect your cold intake to hide a fever.
  • If you decide to go with a sore throat, be prepared for the throat swab!
  • Know your target. If you know for a fact that the school nurse is much more likely to fall for a fake sick story, bring out all your techniques on her more so than your parents.
  • Don't take any prescription medicine. If necessary take a low dose aspirin or something.
  • Tell her you threw up last night. How many times you threw up is up to you, but 2 is a good limit.
  • Look at what rules your school has on sickness so you won't run into any mishaps. Use it to your advantage!
  • Dress and try to look as pale as possible.
  • Timing is important; avoid trying this on Mondays or after breaks.
  • Girls, either don't wear makeup that day or don't wear dark makeup. Use lighter colors and skip the lipstick, blush and mascara. Borrow pale powder if possible. Under do it. Your nurse will probably see that something looks different about you and assume you must be sick.
  • A worsening sore throat could also be the beginnings of strep throat.
  • If you're trying to fake a cold or sinus issue you should walk in with a tissue in your hand and perhaps a non medicinal cough drop or piece of hard candy in your mouth.
  • If you miss too much school, you'll have trouble keeping up in class.
  • Certain symptoms go together and some don't. Don't try to combine a stomach ache with an earache.
  • It may be wise to look up the symptoms for a particular illness. You can just look up any parenting website and look at the symptoms! When the nurse begins to question you make sure you fit at least 3 criteria for the target illness and more if she doesn't catch on, don't overdo it though and use simplistic terms not advanced medical terminology. Gastrointestinal symptoms are usually the easiest to fake.
  • Keep saying that you feel nauseous and think you need to throw up. Lay down, curled up. after 5 minutes sit up and run to the bathroom (or ask if there is anything that you can vomit in). Every few minutes run to the bathroom, stay in for a few minutes, and come out saying nothing happened but you thought it started coming up. Or if the nurse has a bin or bucket you can put the bucket on your lap and lean over as if you need to vomit and say "it won't come out". After a little while, run to the bathroom again but this time come back holding you stomach, crouched over and say you threw up a lot.
  • Get a little paper foldable cup. Go to the restroom and quietly fill it with water. Make a loud gagging sound and pour the water into the toilet. It is your choice to make it slow or violently throw it in. For an extra part, put garlic and avocado in your mouth for the smell.
  • <b>: If you have your period, tell your mom in the morning and the nurse later that your cramps are <b>much<b> worse than normal. Holding your stomach helps with this.
  • During lunch run to the nurse's office to get your heart rate up just to keep your heart rate when the nurse sees you; jog in place outside of the door.
  • If the nurse doesn't believe you, even when you had told them your symptoms, just sit down and use the bathroom as much as you can to make it look like you aren't lying.

Warnings

  • Don't fake sickness frequently. It increases your chances of being caught.
  • Don't tell a friend you don't really trust that well about your plan. She/He may tell a teacher or the nurse and you'll get into big trouble.
  • Don't go for big sicknesses! The nurse/teacher will take extra precaution. Try on a little make-up (Even if you're a guy) to look like your tired or sick. Try to look up the symptoms too to make it more believable!
  • If you get caught faking an illness, people will not believe you the next time that you really are sick.
  • Don't try to look pathetic unless you're really good. A fake-looking pathetic face will instantly make your parents or nurse suspicious.
  • Faking sick to avoid a bully will not make the bully go away. Report the bully to your parents or the principal (Or if you're in middle/high school, report to your counselor).
  • Don't ever overdo it! The nurse and your parents can get suspicious if you overdo it, but don't under-do it either because you'll just get sent back to class.
  • Lying in any form is very disrespectful. You're also wasting the nurse's time when she may have actual sick students to care for. Then it wouldn't be fair for those students. It's better to always be honest.

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