Find a Girlfriend if You Are a Bisexual Teenage Girl

If you are a bisexual teenage girl, it can be hard to find a girlfriend. It is not always obvious to others that you date girls, and it can be hard to find other girls that date women, too. If you are committed to finding a girlfriend, however, it is possible. You will need to be open about this desire. Work at finding other bisexual or lesbian girls to date, and figure out the best way to ask people out.

Steps

Preparing to Find a Girlfriend

1. Figure out what bisexuality means to you. For example, does wanting a girlfriend mean that you want a monogamous girlfriend, or do you want to be able to date other people, too? Figure out what type of relationship and what level of commitment you want before you ask people out. This will allow you to communicate your desires and needs to a prospective date.
   • There is a stereotype about bisexual people which says that they are all promiscuous and unable to commit to a relationship. While there is nothing wrong with any level of sexual activity, this stereotype is not true. Bisexual people express their sexuality is a ton of different ways and you get to decide how you want to express yours.
2. Think about who you are attracted to. Is there a specific person you really like? Or if you don't already have someone in mind, do you find yourself attracted to a certain a type of girl? This will help you figure out how to find the girl of your dreams.
   • Perhaps you like sporty girls? Or maybe you like girls who are into punk rock? Whatever type of girl you like, this information can help you find them out in the world.
   • It's OK not to have a type. You may want to leave yourself open to possibilities.
3. Come out if you can. It will definitely be easier to find a girl to date if it is generally known that you are into girls. When deciding whether or not to come out, gauge the benefits against the disadvantages and then make the decision that is best for your life.
   • The good news is that young people are more likely to be accepting of your bisexual identity than older people. Try coming out to your friends first if you are nervous about the general reaction. They are likely to accept you for who you are.
   • There can be some huge benefits to coming out. First of all, it can be incredibly empowering to live an authentic and truthful life. Keeping secrets such as this will only hold you back in life emotionally. Additionally, coming out will allow you to connect more deeply with all the amazing LGBTQ people out in the world. Coming out allows you to be a part of a global community that can be supportive, empowering, and amazingly fun.
4. Delay coming out if you can't or don't want to. Coming out is not always easy and can create some challenges for you personally. Depending on where you live, it can also be dangerous. If you aren't feeling ready to commit to coming out to everyone in your life, it's OK to wait.
   • Don't feel like you have to come out to people if you don't want to. It is your decision and you shouldn't rush it. You can still date a girl even if you haven't come out.
   • Coming out does not mean that you have to tell absolutely everyone about your desires. Judge each situation individually and decide if it is in your best interest to come out in that situation.

Finding Girls to Date

1. Start scouting out the girls you would consider dating. If you figured out what type of girl you are interested in, go to places that type of girl might hang out. For instance, if you are interested in a sporty girl, go to local sporting events. If you are interested in meeting a girl that is into punk rock, go to a punk rock show. Even better, go to a punk rock show of a band that has members in the LGBTQ community.
   • The good news is that LGBTQ people are coming out at earlier and earlier ages as time goes by. This means that you will be more likely to find a girl that is willing to be out and be your girlfriend than ever before.
2. Befriend LGBTQ people your age. Finding other people in the LGBTQ community, even ones who you are not interested in dating, can eventually help you find a girlfriend. Are there any other students at your school or in your neighborhood that you know are lesbian, gay, bi, or trans? If so, make an effort to befriend them.
   • For example, making friends with someone who is gay could lead you to meet their other friends. This, in turn, could lead you to a potential date that you did not know before.
3. Join your school's gay-straight alliance. To find other LGBTQ people at your school, try joining your local LGBTQ-straight alliance or start one at your school. This will help you to join the broader LGBTQ community in your school, and it will help you to scope out all the girls that might be into dating other girls.
4. Go to your local LGBTQ center. Many LGBTQ centers have programs for LGBTQ teenagers. In fact, there may even be a LGBTQ teen community center in your area. These centers are created as safe spaces where you can meet new friends, and potential dates.
5. Go to a LGBTQ Pride event. LGBTQ Pride is an annual event that celebrates the beginning of gay liberation. This event happens in many cities and is usually celebrated in June. In most cases Pride celebrations include a parade and multi-day festival. If you want to meet girls who are interested in dating other girls, the Pride festival can be a great place to do that.
   • Unlike most other places, at a Pride festival you can usually assume that the girls are lesbian or bisexual, instead of straight.
6. Search for the local LGBTQ community online. You can find other bi girls outside of your school or your neighborhood by joining online communities. Try to meet people who are openly bi or lesbian online, and see if you can form friendships that then turn into relationships. Websites, such as emptyclosets.com, have forums where you can communicate with other LGBTQ teenagers and build online relationships.
   • It can be hard to find a safe space online where people are honest about who they are and what their intentions are. Be careful and protect yourself by not giving a stranger too much personal information about yourself.
   • Don't meet a stranger without telling someone where you'll be and try to meet them in a public place. If you are uncomfortable telling your parents where you are, at the very least tell a friend.
7. Tread cautiously with straight girls. Sometimes we have a crush on someone that does not have the same sexual orientation as we do. There are some cases where this may work out, and our crush changes her mind, but in many cases it just ends in heartache. Just be sure if you decide to pursue a straight girl that you understand that it may not end in romance but in hard feelings instead.

Getting a Date

1. Create a friendship first. If you like a certain girl, get to know her. If find out that she is straight and not interested in exploring dating girls, at least you have a new friend.
   • You shouldn't go into a friendship with a girl expecting to make her bisexual or lesbian when she is not. That is just setting yourself up for failure and it could make for some really awkward interactions.
2. Figure out if the girl you like is interested in dating girls. You can ask her straight out or you can be more subtle. Bring up something about LGBTQ folks, perhaps a current news story, and see how she reacts. This won't always tell you exactly where she stands but it could open the window to a more personal conversation about sexual orientation.
   • This may be the end of the road on your quest to date this girl. She may say that she's not interested in dating girls, or she could even say that she finds it gross. Be prepared for this to happen and be willing to walk away from a girl that's not interested. The old saying is very true, there are a lot more fish in the sea.
3. Show genuine interest in a potential date. Ask her about herself and offer personal information about your likes and dislikes. While you do this, you can figure out your mutual interests. Perhaps you have similar taste in books, music, or movies.
   • If you can't find a lot of similar interests, show interest in learning about what she likes. Perhaps she likes a type of music that you have never listened to. Ask her to play some for you and to explain what she likes about it.
4. Tell her, or give her subtle clues, that you are interested in dating women. If you want to be blunt, you can tell her that you are looking for a girlfriend or that you think you might be attracted to girls. Or you could just mention casually that you think a famous girl is cute. This will get your message across without having to have a very blunt conversation about it.
5. Flirt with her. Give her a little eye contact and smile at her. If she smiles back, you have an opening. This should give her a clue that you are interested in being more than just friends.
   • Flirting is basically an art form that needs to be practiced. Don't feel bad if you try to flirt and it doesn't go as planned. Practice makes perfect.
6. Let her know that you are interested in her. Be bold! Ask the girl to hang out, just the two of you, or you could even ask her out on a proper date. You will never get a date if you don't put yourself out there.
   • Remember that the worst that will probably happen is that you will get turned down, and that's not really the end of the world. The upside is that you might get a date and eventually a girlfriend!
   • Try this: After you let it slip that you think a famous girl is cute, then you can tell your crush that you think she is cute too. This will probably be flattering if the other girl you mentioned is also beautiful.

Tips

• Always try to become friends with a person before trying to date them. The best relationships blossom from friendships.
• Think about the person. If they don't love you for who you are, it's their loss. Ask a parent if they have some free time and talk to them about that. You could also see the other local lesbians!

Related Articles

• Approach That Hot Stranger You've Been Eyeing
• Find and Date a Lesbian As a Teen

Sources and Citations

See also

• Get a Man (for Gay Men)
• Use Grindr
• Ask a Girl out if You Are a Girl
• Know if Your Date is Transgender
• Pick Up Gay Men
• Date a Bisexual Person
• Find the Right Lesbian Partner
• Get a Lesbian Girlfriend
• Get a Boyfriend As a Guy in High School
• Have a Gay or Lesbian Relationship

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