Pick Up Gay Men

Meeting gay guys is hard. First you have to determine if the guy you're interested in is gay or straight. Then you have to approach him and strike up a conversation. And that's assuming you have the confidence to walk up to an attractive stranger. Take some time to build up your confidence, and before you know it walking up to that cute guy at the bar won't be a problem.

Steps

Gaining Confidence

1. Strike a pose. Before you go out, stand in front of the mirror and take a wide stance with your hands on your hips. Think Superman or Wonder Woman. Studies show that assuming what's known as a "power stance" can improve your confidence. These changes in posture can give you a mental "boost."
   • Try the "victory" pose. Put your arms in a "V" over your head.
   • Stretch out in your seat or cross your legs and put your hands behind your head.
   • Hold these poses for about 2 minutes before going out to the bars (or doing anything stressful).
2. Pay attention to how you look. This isn't to say that you can only attract a guy if you look good. Rather, this is about making yourself feel good. If you feel good, you'll have more confidence.
   • Try dressing in clothes that you want to see yourself in. If you've always wanted to wear a suit, go out in a suit. The point is to wear something you associate with power and confidence.
3. Take the pressure off yourself. You're not trying to impress every guy at the bar, you're trying to find the guy that impresses you. Focus your attention on looking for the guys you want to approach.
4. Practice your confidence. Gaining confidence will take time; don't expect it to happen overnight. But, the more you stick with it, the more likely it is that you'll become a confident person.
   • Feeling confident is only part of the battle. You have to act with confidence as well. It's a common opinion that people find confidence attractive.

Making a Move

1. Go to a place where you can meet gay men. While it is possible to meet gay men at any old bar, you'll have more luck if you go to a gay bar. Not every guy in the place will be gay, but the numbers are in your favor.
   • Don't feel obligated to stick to gay bars. If you want to go to a bunch of different clubs in an evening, feel free to do so. The world is a more progressive place, but be careful. Some guys may not appreciate if you question their sexuality.
2. Approach guys that interest you. You might have to approach a lot of men to get a response. If you want to meet guys, you have to put yourself out there.
   • You don't have to approach a man every time you go out. Make sure you're in the mood to flirt and be flirted with.
   • Don't hit on every single guy you find attractive. You'll come across as disingenuous, and it may hurt your chances of meeting someone.
3. Skip the pick up lines. Start with a simple "hello," or even a smile. Using a pick up line is bound to get you ignored, or worse, laughed at.
   • This doesn't mean cracking jokes or spouting off a witty one-liner is out of the question. Quite the contrary: if it's original and you're saying it honestly, go for it.
4. Be friendly. Once you've approached your guy, just start talking. Try to let the conversation happen flow naturally and just keep it simple. Don't try too hard to seduce him.
   • Don't play games. If you like the guy you're talking to, then let him know you're into him.
5. Talk about shared experiences. If you're dancing at a club, talk about other places you like to go dancing. Invite him along. Keep the conversation fun and easy. While it's good to ask questions, don't interrogate him. Let the conversation happen naturally.

Getting His Number

1. Make sure he likes you. You don't have to come right out and ask him. Pay attention to his body language. If he's following your body with his, and maintaining eye contact, it's pretty clear he likes you.
   • Prolonged conversation is another good sign. If he doesn't look distracted and isn't trying to find ways to get away from you, assume he's interested.
2. Ask for his number. Be simple and direct. No need to dance around the topic or make a big deal about it. Ask him out for coffee, ask him to go dancing. Just make sure you keep talking once you have his number so you don't give him the wrong impression.
   • Prepare yourself for the eventuality that some guys may say "no." Even if you had a nice conversation, they may not want to move things further. That's okay. Everyone encounters rejection. Don't let it scare you away.
3. Follow up with him. You don't have to ask every guy you talk to for his number. But, if you've gone through the trouble of approaching a guy and you end up getting his number, follow up with him. Invite him out for that coffee, or let him know you'll be going out with your friends. He may want to join.
   • It's possible that he won't respond to you. If he does, maybe you'll find that the two of you don't have much in common, or the attraction isn't there anymore. Either way, be respectful.

Tips

• No matter what you do, be yourself. Don't try to be something you're not and don't try too hard to impress someone.
• Body language is one of the best ways to gauge a man's attraction towards you. If he's got good eye contact, touching his face or chin, or rolling up his sleeves, it's a safe bet he likes you.
• A little touching here and there is okay, just make sure you aren't pawing at him. People like to be touched, but you don't want to be off-putting. Touching the arm or shoulder is a good way to let a guy know you're into him.
• You can meet a guy just about anywhere. It doesn't have to be at a bar. Go out to museums, art shows, or concerts and try your luck there.
• Some guys just want to have fun and maybe that's what you're looking for as well. But, if you're expecting to find a relationship, be patient.

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Sources and Citations

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