Get a Boyfriend As a Guy in High School

High school can be an exciting but a stressful time. As you are getting to know about yourself, you may have realized that you identify as gay, pansexual, or bisexual. Dating in high school can be hard, and finding someone to love while you are finding yourself can be even harder. Finding your community, meeting new people, and beginning a new relationship will help you get started.

Steps

Finding Your Community

  1. Tap into your community at school. See if your high school has an LGBTQ club or group, and join in! Often times, these organizations are open to both LGBTQ members and to allies, so if you are unsure about being out or not, this may be a good place to start.[1] If you are sure, then joining in will help you find potential dates. Additionally, you'll be able to find a support network among the group of others who understand what it is like to be LGBTQ and date while in school.[2]
    • If there is no LGBTQ club or group at your school, start one! Speak with an advisor, counselor, or teacher about starting a club or group. Being a leader is a great way to be attractive to others!
    • If you are hesitant about joining an LGBTQ group, still try to find a community at your school. It could be a different club, or it could be the music, art, theater, or sports programs.
  2. Find a group online. Joining a group online will help you with a sense of community and a place to network within the community.[3] If you are cautious about exploring through your school, or you live in an area that is less accepting, the online community may feel like a safer place to start. Share your experience, ask questions about dating or coming out, get inspired, and inspire others. Make your safety your number one priority. Never agree to meet someone you met online in real life by yourself.
    • LGBT Chat & Forums
    • Empty Closets
    • Daily Strength
    • It Gets Better
  3. Locate any groups in your local area. In addition to joining groups online and through school, access resources in your local geographic areas. Joining groups in your local area and accessing what they have available will also provide you more networking opportunities and possible dating partners. Local groups will also provide places for you to go if your home environment is not as accepting as you would like it to be.[4]
    • LGBT Community Centers
    • PFLAG Chapters
    • Search your nearest city for non-profit organizations or centers for LGBTQ youth.
  4. Make a few friends. Keep your old friends, but make new ones, too. [5] Pick a friend, someone you're close to, but someone you can also talk to openly about what you are going through. Make friends with people in the community that you admire and that you'd like to be more like. In this way, your new friends can help mentor you around the dating world.
    • Find friends in the activities that you like to do, or the hobbies and interests you have.
    • Smile. It's remarkable how much easier it is to make friends when you are smiling.
    • Be helpful. Another good way to make new friends in engaging in community service.
  5. Try to ignore judgments. Many people will be judgmental of both you and your lifestyle, unfortunately that thinking is still alive in the world. Remember that people are fearful of what they do not understand. Tell them that they have no right to condemn you, the way you choose to live your life, or who you choose to have a relationship with.[3]
    • Be too busy discovering your new community and getting yourself out there to care what they think.

Meeting People

  1. Find other gay, bisexual, or pansexual guys. Any organizations you have joined or networking you have done will likely help you meet potential significant others. Try and focus on meeting other people first, as you get to know them or as you find someone that you like, you'll be able to begin to determine their orientation and if they are single or in a relationship.
    • If you'd like to be a little more overt, try dating applications like the BRO app.[6] Be careful with any interaction involving dating online, especially if you are underage, and make sure you are thinking of your safety first.
  2. Approach guys you meet. At events or organizations, you may meet someone you really like and are interested in. Pay attention to the body language both yours and his for signals of interest. If someone is interested in you or you are interested in them, the body may react in the following ways.[7]
    • Stomach gets pulled in to look sleeker or slimmer.
    • The chest puffs out in order to look bigger or more muscular.
    • The head will lift, to make the person appear taller.
    • The jaw juts out as a way to look more dominant.
  3. Ask friends to set you up. Whether they are old friends, new LGBTQ friends, or guys that you have recently met, if you are ready, ask your friends for help. Tell you friends that you are looking to date and ask them if they know any single guys that might be a good match for you.[8]
    • Make sure it is a friend who knows you well and who cares about you. You want to make sure whoever you are asking will set you up with a quality guy and that they are basing it off what they know about the two of you.
  4. Figure out orientation. There are some subtle and not so subtle ways to figure out if a guy you are interested in is also interested in men. Be careful not to assume orientation based on stereotypes or appearances alone. Your best bet to determining their orientation is to talk to them and get to know them. If you would like some hints, here's what you can do for:
    • Look at his eyes. Do the pupils dilate when they look at you? Pupil dilation is a sign of sexual interest, and indicates that he finds you attractive.[9]
    • While you are talking, mention that you are interested in men, and see how he reacts. Mentioning your orientation may make him feel more comfortable and give him an opening to tell you about his.
    • Ask him. Try and be nonchalant and unassuming about it. "Hey, I don't want to assume anything, but I like you. I was wondering if you were interested in going out with me sometime?"[10]
  5. Get involved in events or activities. Another great way to meet a potential boyfriend, is to meet by getting involved in events or activities that you like. If you meet a potential boyfriend there, you already know you have a common interest, and being involved with events or organizations will give you a built-in excuse or reason to see them again. You could also try joining the activities of someone you like or are interested in.
    • It is best if you get involved in events or activities that you like.[11] This way you are being true to yourself, and you won't have to pretend to be interested in or like something you do not just to keep seeing someone.
  6. Be yourself. Most importantly, as you are going through this part of the process, be your awesome self. You may feel a lot of pressure to find a special someone, but don't give up parts of yourself just to win someone's attention.[12] You want to find someone to be with, and you are going to want that person to accept you for who you are, so be you!

Starting out in a New Relationship

  1. Be confident. Asking someone out, starting out in a new relationship, or the “seeing each other” phase, can bring nerves as well as excitement. Have confidence in the fact that the person you are and your personality attracted your date in the first place. If you are getting ready to ask someone out, have confidence in yourself and it will show to them.
    • If you need a little boost in confidence, get a new outfit that makes you feel great, or get a new haircut.
    • Stay away from negativity and only listen to positivity.[13]
    • Change your posture, eye contact, and smile. These will help you present yourself as a confident person and will help you feel more confident and controlled as well.[13]
  2. Ask someone out. Maybe you have asked your friends to set you up. If so, that's great! If you have already met someone you like, you may have to take matters into your own hands and ask them out. It can be stressful, but if you really like the person, step out of your comfort zone and take the risk! There are several ways you can go about asking someone out on a date.[14]
    • Use a mutual interest to ask them out. If there is an event you were both planning on attending, ask, “You and I were both planning to go to the dance on Friday, why don't we make a night out of it and go together?”
    • Ask in a casual way. If you want to set a relaxed vibe, ask them out for something casual like coffee. “Hey, I was wondering if you would be interested in getting coffee after school, you know, just you and me?”
    • Ask in a more formal way. If you'd like the date to be a little more serious, or if you think your date would appreciate the extra effort, you could leave a note attached to something asking, “Would you like to go on a date with me?” or simply stating, “I would like to take you to dinner sometime.”
  3. Don't be overly intense. Maybe you've been really wanting a relationship like this for a long time, maybe you're nervous, or maybe you met the perfect guy and you are really excited. These are all great things! Be careful not to get too caught up in the emotion that you it becomes too intense too quickly and scare him off.[15] Take things slowly, and let them develop naturally.
  4. Enjoy it. Even if a date doesn't work out, try and enjoy the dating process. It may take time to find your person. Use any bad dates you have as funny stories to tell your friends, and any good dates you have as confidence boosters. Just enjoy it, don't be worried about what will happen next or what others think. Love is love is love, and you deserve to find yours.

Tips

  • Don't be afraid to report any incidents. Even if you live in an area not friendly to LGBTQ people and relationships, always remember that you have as much right to respect, a good life and and a great relationship as anyone else. Bullying and hate are never okay.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.glsen.org/sites/default/files/Gay-Straight%20Alliances.pdf
  2. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23688311
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a35136/things-i-wish-i-knew-about-being-gay-when-i-was-younger/
  4. ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/06/16/us/LGBT-orlando-shooting-reactions.html?_r=0
  5. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-become-a-magnet-for-friends-7-mindful-tips/
  6. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bro-app-straight-men-dates-sex_us_56a94d8ae4b0d82286d4ddfd
  7. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-alvear/the-5-principles-of-gay-b_b_307721.html
  8. ↑ http://www.glamour.com/story/7-ground-rules-for-setting-up
  9. ↑ http://www.datingadvice.com/advice/how-to-tell-if-a-man-is-gay
  10. ↑ http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/asking-someone-about-their-sexuality
  11. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/meetpeople
  12. ↑ http://www.theprospect.net/the-importance-of-being-yourself-in-college-37191
  13. ↑ 13.0 13.1 http://www.inc.com/peter-economy/5-powerful-ways-to-boost-your-confidence.html
  14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-indirectly-ask-date
  15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/200908/loving-too-much
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