Get Lots of Friends

Having good friends is very beneficial to your physical and mental health. Social relationships teach you how to interact with different types of people, help you figure out who you are, and keep you inspired to reach your goals. Friendships even create the same brain responses as pain relieving drugs, helping people cope with physical ailments more easily. Getting lots of friends is a matter of mastering three areas: meeting lots of people, turning them into friends, and keeping the friends you make by being a good one yourself.

Steps

Finding Places to Meet New People

1. Join more clubs. Extracurricular activities are a great place to meet people with similar interests. Join as many clubs as you can, but make sure to only participate in those that you have a real interest in. If you are out of school already, look at your local newspaper(s) or weekly periodicals to find clubs in your town you might like to join.
   • If you take a foreign language, join the French, Spanish or German clubs. You will not only meet new friends, but have people to practice your language skills with!
   • Try out band. School bands are pretty large, offering a wide base of potential friends, and there are so many different instruments you are bound to find one you enjoy playing.
   • If you like to sing, join the glee club or show choir.
   • Do you like to convince others of your opinions? Try out the debate club. Not only will you meet people at your school, but also can attend debate competitions and meet kids from other schools like yourself.
   • For adults, your city no doubt has dance troupes, singing groups, bands that need new members, and other opportunities for meeting new people in your area.
2. Join a sports team. Like some school academic teams, sports teams play other schools and thus give you a chance to travel outside your city and meet kids from other areas with like interests. Team members also practice together a few times a week, usually, and this is ample time to develop strong bonds with your teammates.
   • Try out soccer, baseball or tennis teams at your school. If your school doesn’t have the sport you most enjoy, look for neighborhood leagues.
   • Most cities have local groups that meet to practice and play more casual sports, like Ultimate Frisbee or volleyball. Look in the local paper, city website, or do a web search on a particular sport in your city.
   • If you are a woman, you might look for roller derby teams in your city. This is a contact sport, so is not for the timid. It also can be pricey to join, but is lots of fun and will introduce you to a whole group of new women.
3. Try out new activities. Go to the local rock climbing gym or trapeze club. Attend a food or music festival. Start taking music or acting lessons. Sign up for a fitness class at your gym, or art class at a local museum or gallery.
   • Lots or organizations offer free or cheap classes to attract new clients. Look in the local paper or online for opportunities.
   • Some places allow you to attend classes or demonstrations for free if you volunteer to help set-up or clean-up afterwards.
4. Start visiting new places. Try out a different coffee shop or local restaurant than the one you typically go to. Go see a band play at a venue you’ve never been to before. Take your dog to the neighborhood dog park, or borrow your neighbor’s and offer to walk it for them.
   • Look in the local paper or local cultural website to find lists of events in your area.
   • Check out bulletin boards at coffee shops and eateries for more local events.
   • Colleges usually have posting boards on campus where local events and meetings may be advertised.
5. Volunteer somewhere new. There is an almost endless list of places that need volunteers, so find one that fits your interests and go once a week for a couple months.
   • Animal shelters always need help, as do homeless shelters and food banks.
   • Find an organization that plants trees or cleans up public parks if you are into helping the environment.
   • Volunteer to read to kids or visit retirement homes.
   • Check out your local hospital for volunteer needs too.
6. Get a new summer or part-time job. If you aren’t able to connect with people at your school or main job, get temporary employment at a place where you can do something you love and meet people your own age.
   • In the summertime, you can lifeguard or work at an event company helping to plan large, special events like concerts and festivals.
   • Get a job at a local hobby store to meet others with similar interests. Gaming stores, sporting goods stores and craft/art stores are great places to find others that like to do the same things you do.
   • Find work at a mom-and-pop restaurant or eatery where locals hang out. You will likely meet others from your own neighborhood whom you haven’t had a chance to get to know yet.
7. Join more social networks. Almost everyone has a Facebook and Instagram profile, but there are lots of other networks with more specific interests or focuses that you can join too. Or, just join groups within your existing networks to find more people near you that like the same activities or have similar values. center]]
   • Try LinkedIn to make professional friends. Pinterest is great for finding people with similar interests, like crafting or cooking.
   • Join online groups for games you like to play, like World of Warcraft or Minecraft.
   • Find Facebook groups for local religious meetings, informal sports teams, or activists. Post on the group’s page regularly to let everyone get to know you a bit more.

Approaching New People

1. Start a conversation with the person next to you. Wherever you are—a game, practice, club meeting, local coffee shop, class—chances are there is a person near you who you have yet to meet. Open up a conversation about what is going on around you.
   • After class, ask the person next to you, “What did you think of that lesson/test/discussion?”
   • In Spanish club, ask another person for a recommendation on the best tapas restaurant in your area. Or ask if they know a place you can go together to practice speaking Spanish with native speakers.
   • At a concert, ask your neighbor, “Have you seen this band before?” or ask for recommendations of similar groups they listen to that you might also like.
   • During practice for team sports or activities, ask a new acquaintance for tips on performing better.
2. Smile often. People like to be around others that look content, and smiling shows that you are interested in the conversation and in knowing that person better.
   • Smile with your whole face, not just your lips. Practice in a mirror if you aren’t a naturally smiley person to make sure you can tell you are smiling just by looking at your eyes.
   • Be genuine when you smile, not fake. It helps to be comfortable in your surroundings, which is why it is important to only seek out activities and groups you have a genuine interest in.
3. Listen more than you speak. Ask the person you want to befriend questions about themselves, instead of dominating the conversation. Show you are really interested in getting to know them better and they will most likely want to keep talking to you.
   • Aim to listen to them at least three times as much as you speak. But don’t neglect to answer questions they ask you, too!
   • When it’s your turn to speak, offer insight into your personality or interests to give them a glimpse of who you are as a person.
4. Invite them to an event or outing based on your common interests. If you are on a sports team, maybe they would like to go to a professional game with you. After a concert, ask your friend-to-be to attend the next one you plan to go to. Invite your fellow Spanish speaking friend to that tapas restaurant they recommended.
   • If they say no, don’t give up, but also avoid pushing a “friend-date.” Wait until the next time you speak to invite them to a different outing.
   • Not everyone will want to hang out outside of the group you both attend. That’s ok! There are other people there too, so try a different person next time.

Being a Good Friend

1. Be open-minded. Don’t let past experiences tamper with new friendships. Let go of any grudges or remaining negative feelings you harbor based on how others treated you in the past.
   • Know the difference between forgiving and forgetting. It’s always best to let go of negativity, but it’s important to remember lessons learned from past experiences so you know better who to trust in the future.
   • Give everyone a chance to show you what they can offer, regardless of whether they have different religious or political beliefs than most people you know. You don’t have to agree with these beliefs, but you might still learn from them.
2. Be kind. People want to hang around others that treat them nicely and make them feel good about themselves. Offer only nice and supportive statements to your friends, and learn to give any necessary criticism constructively so as to avoid hurting others’ feelings.
   • If you find yourself feeling negatively towards your friend, re-focus your attention on their good qualities instead. Reflect the positive things about them back to themselves, instead of the negative ones.
   • Instead of chastising your friend for not showing up for plans, remind them how much fun you have when you are together and that you want to have more of those good times.
3. Avoid gossip. Never speak negatively about someone behind their back, especially with mutual friends. Gossiping says more about you as a person than it does about them.
   • If one friend is gossiping about another, say something positive about the third party, like “She is really smart, though,” or “I don’t know much about [what you are saying], but he’s always been there for me.”
   • Gossiping is often a sign of envy and a negative self-image. If you have friends that spend a lot of time talking about others, you may want to evaluate whether these are people you want to hang around.
4. Be helpful. Everyone needs help sometimes, but not everyone asks for it when they do. Whether your friend asks you for help doing something, or you know your help would make their task easier, offer to give assistance.
   • They will likely be there for you when you need help in return, and will appreciate the self-sacrifice you made for their benefit.
   • Be careful not to spread yourself too thin, though! Don’t say “yes” to something you know you don’t have time to really help with, or to anything you feel uncomfortable participating in.
5. Be respectful. Always be honest with your friends unless doing so would hurt them more than help them. Show gratitude for their friendship, especially when they do something selfless for you.
   • Honesty leads to trust, so it's a very important aspect of your personality to offer to your friends.
   • Don't agree to do things you have no interest in or don't think you can handle.
6. Be reliable. Follow through on your promises. Do what you say you will do and be where you say you will be. Consider plans you make with friends as important as school or work obligations.
   • Try not to cancel plans unless you have an emergency, especially at the last minute. Everyone has to cancel once in a while, but make this the exception and not the rule.
   • Write plans on a calendar or add reminders to your smartphone so you don’t forget!
7. Be yourself. Don’t ever try to change your true self for another person. Try new activities and decide if you like them or not, but don’t keep doing something you don’t enjoy just to meet people. These thin bonds will not last once you stop trying to be someone you are not.
   • You can always change what you do or how you behave, but not your basic personality or moral beliefs.
   • If someone wants to you change your beliefs or act against your moral fiber, they are not someone you need or want to be friends with.

Tips

• Hang out with the friends you have in groups, if possible. They may invite some of their friends that you don’t yet know.
• It's OK to have a few really good friends rather than a huge group of people with whom you spend time doing casual things. Having a ton of friends is not something everyone wants or can sustain.
• Not everyone you meet will want to develop a closer relationship with you, and that’s ok. Don’t take it personally!
• Never try to buy your way into a friendship. People who accept monetary things for your time and energy are likely not worth either.
• Make sure to be yourself! You don’t need to make friends with people that you have to change yourself to hang around.

Related Articles

• Get Friends and Become Popular
• Create a Friendship in 60 Seconds
• Build Strong Friendships in School

Sources and Citations

See also

• Find Friends That Share Interests
• Be Friends with Your Coworkers
• Make Friends
• Start a Bromance
• Start a Friends With Benefits Relationship
• Find a True Friend
• Be Charismatic
• Be Friends With Someone Who Has a High IQ
• Get Friends and Become Popular
• Be a Good Friend to a Guy

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