Create a Friendship in 60 Seconds
Making friends can seem difficult at times, but often the best way to make it happen is to just forge ahead and do it. This article is intended to jump-start the process, with tips that will help you make a new friend in under a minute.
Contents
Steps
Conversation Help
Doc:Great Conversation Topics,Ways to Keep a Conversation Going,Conversation Topics to Avoid
Creating a Friendship
- Remember that for better or worse, people tend to judge others based on first impressions. This is just a fact of life.
- Pay attention to your personal hygiene (shower, brush your teeth, check your breath) and dress attractively.
- You don't have to be fancy or overdressed; just avoid looking too sloppy or unwashed.
- Smile and project a positive attitude.
- A smile is kind of a universal sign that you're friendly and your intentions are good. It also suggests that you have a positive personality, which is appealing to most people.
- If you have trouble smiling naturally, try thinking of something that makes you happy.
- Quickly choose someone to approach and talk to. Be sure not to choose some random stranger, just make sure that you known them the least bit and at least know their name.
- Don't agonize over this – the point is to talk to as many people as possible in a social setting to increase your chances of making a new friend.
- Don't choose people based on their "attractiveness," or on how "confident" they appear. Your new best friend may not fit either of those descriptions, but may still be a fantastic person. So just approach anyone who looks available for a conversation. If the conversation doesn't pan out, you can always move on with no guilt (see below).
- Put yourself at ease by remembering that the people around you are probably as interested in making new friends as you are.
- Start the conversation. Look, you approached this person, so logically it's up to you to start the ball rolling. Almost any opening remark can start a productive conversation.
- If the two of you happen to have anything in common, start with that. For example, "Hey, I think I've seen you in my biology class – how do you like that teacher?" Or, "Do you work at Starbucks? I think I've seen you there."
- Give the person a compliment that leads to a question: "Wow, that's a really nice bracelet – where did you get it?" Or maybe, "Your hair looks amazing – how do you get it to do that?"
- Go with the age-old standby – the weather. If it's hot, say you're burning up and you need to sit down for a minute. If it's raining, say you'd been planning to go shopping (or biking, or sightseeing, or something else interesting), but now you might be changing your plans.
- Keep the conversation going. Unless the person is disastrously insecure or just not in the mood to talk (it happens), your opening line will get some kind of response. Be prepared to follow up with additional remarks.
- Try to retain interesting bits of information from reading books, magazines and newspapers, watching TV and surfing the Web. These can be life-savers in a conversation.
- Talk about yourself and gradually share more information as the conversation progresses.
- Be a good listener. This is one of the main things that people respond to when meeting someone new – when you give someone your attention, you make that person feel important and worthwhile.
- Make eye contact – the best way to show that you're tuned in. Don't stare into space or look at other people, and definitely don't look at your phone!
- When the person makes a statement or relates a story, give a response that expands on the topic or otherwise shows that you understand.
- Okay, it's been 60 seconds. Did you make a connection?
- If no, that's okay. You won't strike gold every time, and people aren't always in the mood to be social, so you shouldn't feel discouraged. All you have to do is politely disengage yourself ("Hey, thanks for chatting. I should get going – talk to you later!") and then find a new person to approach.
- If yes, great! Keep talking for as long as it's comfortable, and then when it's time to go, be sure to exchange phone numbers and/or email addresses so you can stay in touch. Then be sure to follow up. This may not turn into the friendship of a lifetime, but you'll only find out by taking the initiative and contacting the person to talk or hang out again.
Tips
- No matter how good a listener you are, don't let that person do the all the talking. It is very boring.
- Be yourself. There's no point in creating a friendship based on a personality that isn't truly your own.
- With most people you won't be instant-besties, but don't worry; good friendship takes time to develop.
- If you feel shy to talk in a direct way, then talk with that particular person on Facebook or other social networking sites, but after one conversation, talk with them directly, make eye contact.
- If you want to make friends you could even post a "Wanted: Friends" poster on the bulletin board at your school, church, etc. and provide a few details. It's likely to strike people as whimsical and endearing, if a bit desperate.
- Don't wait for opportunities to make friends– they may never come on their own. Instead, work hard to create opportunities for initiating contact. For example, if someone needs a ride to the store to do some shopping and you need to go shopping too, offer the person a ride. That's a great opportunity to have a conversation and get to know the person.
- If it does not work in 60 seconds, don't feel desperate. Keep chatting, but be careful not to annoy him/her; this is still the first time you're chatting with the person.
- A great time to make friends is when you might be going to a soccer clinic or maybe at the start of your university career. These are great times to make friends because all the people around you will be in the same boat as you.
Warnings
- Compliments can be a great icebreaker, but be careful of sounding insincere or phony. Never manufacture a compliment that you don't actually mean, because people can often tell when this is the case and your conversation may not go well.
- When you make that first contact with your potential new friend and it's going well, be careful not to go overboard in case you seem too "clingy." After you've talked successfully for 5 or 10 minutes, that may be the right time to exchange contact info and agree to talk or meet again soon.
- Humor can be an effective icebreaker too, but it can also backfire. You may think you're making an innocent joke, but it may inadvertently offend the person you're talking to. People can surprise you with what they do and don't consider funny – so it's best to use humor carefully and sparingly until you know the person a little better.
