Get Over Her
If you're reading this you are probably a guy hung up on a girl who broke your heart in some way. Now, if there are any ladies reading this that's cool and you are welcome to it, but this is for guys because, guess what, we don't know how to deal with our emotions as well as you do. Want to know why women tend to live five years longer? That's it.
Steps
- Understand what you're feeling. The reason why heartbreak is so tough is that you are feeling so many emotions at once because you gave your love to someone who didn't give it back.
- Label these feelings: Anger. Betrayal. Humiliation. Fear. Nostalgia. The list goes on and on. Individually they aren't so bad, but all at once... Oh man. You feel hopeless and lost. You feel sick to your stomach. There is literally a physical pain in your chest where your heart and lungs are. Food tastes bad. It's difficult to sleep. All the things you used to do seem unappealing.
- You know what this all adds up to? Grief. You need to grieve, absolutely! As men we are trained to deny the grieving process, to not cry.
- Give yourself a time period to experience it, let the storm inside you blow itself out and be miserable for a little while. Call a very, very close friend or family member to let it out. Be careful because some friends can be unintentionally judgmental and you don't need that right now. It doesn't mean they aren't your friends.
- Time periods are different for different people, from a period of hours to days. But don't make it too long because sooner or later you have to move on from this stage. Be vulnerable but stick to your time frame like clockwork. This pain can never end, right? You can't possibly go on without her, right? Wrong!
- When your time period is up splash some water on your face and make the decision to go on to the next step. You have to want to get over her and you won't if you are stuck in this stage. You need to want to move on for yourself and nobody else. You deserve it.
- Note: Just because you've moved past this stage doesn't mean there aren't going to be moments that you may revert back in the future. Those are only moments, and heartbreak takes time to heal.
- Quit her! Run away fast as you can. You've been putting up with her upsetting you for way too long. Don't try to get her back, you'll just be prolonging your pain. Don't stay friends. Don't respond to her messages. She's a pill in your throat that you can't swallow and you've been addicted and it's time to go cold turkey. You've made the promise to yourself that you want to get better, stick to it!
- Don't delete her phone number because chances are, though you know nobody else's phone number by heart, you'll remember hers. Instead, change her name in your phone book to 'do not respond' If she texts you to hang out, do not respond. If she wants to talk about her stupid problems, Do not respond. If she wishes you a happy birthday, Do not respond. If she wants to know why you've been ignoring her, Don't respond!
- You don't have to explain yourself to her. You might want to explain your feelings to her, but if she could not understand your love she won't understand your heartbreak. You do not have to be happy for her if she finds someone new. But don't go trying to get back at her for hurting you. She isn't worth the time or effort.
- The best revenge is to not let her hurt you anymore, and the best way to do that is to not see her face or hear her voice. Don't visit her Facebook page. She could have had you but she blew it. She's not your problem anymore. She'll get the idea, and your cold shoulder will be the best way to get back at her. A wise man said, the best revenge is to live well. Own your heartbreak because it is about you and not her.
- Stop putting her on the pedestal. You're well on your way through this journey. Now it's time to start thinking about how she wasn't that great in the first place. You're better than she is. She doesn't appreciate or want what you have to offer. Don't stop giving what you have to offer to the people who do appreciate it.
- Make the decision to stop being bitter at the world and women in general because they aren't all like she is. The world is not aligned against you. She is not worth those feelings. By the way, oftentimes you were not in love with who this girl really was, but a fantasized version of her.
- Get rid of reminders of her. Make the decision to do this. Whatever they may be, going through them is just salt in your wound. Put her things in a bag, put the bag in a dumpster, and don't go retrieve it. Don't go on her social media sites. Why are you torturing yourself with that stuff. Stop! Stop hurting yourself. You deserve better than that. Instead, write down all the bad times and try to remember those.
- Everything looks better in hindsight, but if it was a painful affair, then chances are the bad times outweigh the good ones. Understand that. Believe it.
- Use no more sick love songs and poems. If you've made it this far, than you've decided to own your heartbreak and get over it. Good for you. Now, if you've been listening to those sick love songs and reading poems about unrequited love, it's time to stop. Get yourself out of bed and listen to something that will remind you that she wasn't that great, that she wronged you, and that there is nothing wrong with you.
- Get out of the house or apartment. Do it! Don't forget about the things that you used to love to do. Those things are still there. It may seem appealing to sit and wallow but don't. Grieving is not a self-pity process. There's a whole world out there. Play a sport. Finish that novel. Party with the boys and flirt with other girls. Don't sit around anymore. Treat yourself well, you deserve it.
- Remember that it doesn't matter what went wrong. When someone breaks up with us, or cheats, or finds someone new, or just doesn't reciprocate our love, we often internalize it and start thinking there is something wrong with us. It isn't true and so make a conscious effort not to think like that. Sure, there may be a few things you should have done better. You gonna dwell on that? No! Chances are you gave everything you had to give, loved this person with all your heart, and they couldn't understand or appreciate that. Not your fault. Not your problem. Your love is beautiful, despite her.
- Remember your friends are still your friends and they don't think any less of you. You can confide in particularly close ones about your pain, but don't blubber in front of them. They feel for you, but they don't want to see you wallowing. Check this out: What if she embarrassed you, chewed you up, spat you out, and stepped on your remains in front of you?
- And now what if you got up, dust yourself off, maintain your composure and move the hell on without her? Then you're a man and you've proven that no woman can make you who you are. Your friends will notice that and they'll admire and respect you for it.
- If they make a joke about it, understand that they're just trying to make you feel better, maybe in an ill-advised way, but no harm intended. An anonymous quote: "How you lose shows more about your character than how you win." Chinese proverb: "If you get up one more time than you fall down, you'll make it through."
- Don't forget who you are. You are (insert name here) and that person is awesome. The people who don't think so aren't worth a second thought. Hold your head up and be proud of that fact. You don't need her! You don't want her back in any form, not as a friend or a lover. You don't give a damn about her and what she's doing. You're better than she is. Stand tall. Make a list of the things you like about yourself.
- If you need to, find a role model. It can be any great man. An actor. A musician. An athlete. A human rights activist. Think of Elvis Presley, Michael Jordan, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, whoever. All great men. All have had their hearts broken. They've all been through what you've been through. Did they let that stop them from reaching their full potential? Nope.
- Understand that it takes time and it will get better. Understand and accept that there will be painful moments and pangs of nostalgia for a while. But also understand that these are only momentary. When we're heartbroken one of the worst things about it is that we think it will never end.
- There are certain things outside your control that will remind you of her, and that hurts. But you have to believe that it will get better and want it to get better. Accept the pain, and when it starts to leave you, accept that too. Don't hold on to it.
- Think to yourself, "You know what, it still hurts, but not as bad as it did a week ago. And I bet tomorrow it will hurt even less." This will help you own it and understand it. And remember this: It cannot kill you, and what cannot kill you can only make you stronger.
Warnings
- You may Splonge
