Get Over Your Love Even Though You Broke It Off

It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye. ~ Anon



There are times in life when we know that the only right path is to leave someone we love because the alternative is to remain forever hurt, agonized, and confused about the entire relationship. This doesn't mean that as the person initiating the break-up that you feel great about it. Far from it, often you carry the burden of guilt for having hurt them, as well as questioning yourself continuously as to whether or not you have made the right choice. It is likely you have made the right decision but that never heals an aching heart. This article is aimed at helping the person who breaks it off and also has to contend with the pain of loss, change, and moving on.

Steps

  1. Stop all contact with the person. The reason behind this is to spare you the possibility of contemplating linking up again for the sake of soothing the pain, or because it is convenient. Neither reason is solid enough to make a good relationship the second time round.
  2. Take some time to cry (alone). Even though crying doesn't change the situation, it makes you feel better. You might need a pillow too, in case you feel fit to punch and scream into it. Getting out your feelings is a big step into getting over them. And remember, it's okay to cry. Your feelings are valid.
  3. Listen to your ex if he or she tries to explain themselves, but don't give in. Don't let them apologize without explaining why he or she did what they did. Even then, the reasoning will likely be self-justifying and unreasonable, so if you must listen, do so with your ears and eyes wide open to the selfishness of their reasoning. In the end, it should let you know and remember why you broke up with them in the first place.
  4. Tell him or her again that your relationship is over. This is usually the hardest stage. Remember that you don't deserve to be treated in the manner that hurt you and if he or she is not going to treat you like the gold you are, then he or she has lost you. Be very specific in the letter, phone call, email, etc. Tell him or her why it's over very plainly if they seem not to get the message. They know what they have done; you have made a decision they are not to be trusted again with your heart.
  5. Keep staying away. When you're not around him or her, you won't think about him or her as much. However, if you do have to see him or her (like at church, work or school, etc.), just ignore him or her as much as possible.
  6. Keep yourself busy. If you're busy with something else, then you won't think about him or her as much. Dig into your work, your hobby, your studies, whatever you have to keep you occupied. Spend more time with family and friends.
  7. Flirt with other people. Looking at others should really help to take your mind off your ex, especially if you are intent on finding the right person. But be careful of the rebound; don't just jump into a relationship as a way of getting over the last person. Only get involved with someone else if you genuinely like them and want to proceed with a serious, mature relationship. Anything other than that could put that relationship in the same place that your last one was.
  8. Avoid bringing him or her up when talking with friends. Vent to your friends initially and get it out of your system but then stop. Don't bring him or her up all the time. This can really hurt your friendships if you are always talking about him or her over a long period of time–it becomes boring and frustrating. Remember, you're over and you don't need him or her, so just move on.

Tips

  • Regardless of physical attraction or compatible interest or whatever, some relationships are not meant to be. Don't fixate on remembering and replaying all those things you loved about your ex and your time together. It hurts like hell and it blinds you to the fact that there are many other potential partners for you to meet that can be more satisfying and compatible matches for you.
  • Whenever you get the idea that you are in love with this person again/still and that you don't know what to do without him / her, don't indulge in that train of thought--remember all the good reasons why you broke it off in the first place.
  • No matter how much you love them or they love you, some relationships are toxic to both parties no matter what. Trying to fix 'things' or the other person keeps you from seeing that the relationship wasn't healthy and that if you could have worked things out, you would have already done so by now.
  • Do not try to "warn" the next person in your ex's life. It is not your job, or business to interfere. Trying to sink their relationship as revenge will only prolong your hurt and your anger.
  • When love fails, we sometimes blame ourselves. Remember: your relationship failed, but you gave it your best effort, according to your abilities. Don't fail to learn from this experience, however, because this failed relationship could be preparing you for the 'right person', who is yet to come.
  • Pretend to be happy for him or her and don't show him or her your weaknesses. Show him or her that you are stronger with or without love.
  • Next time you are dating, be aware of the warning signs that you noticed in your ex so you don't replace him / her with someone like them. Does he or she smother you? Is he or she fake?
  • Write down your reasons for breaking up so you can look back at them when you start to feel like you were crazy to dump them. If it helps, post these reminders on your mirror so you can be reminded every day that you are making the right choice to move on from the relationship.
  • Try not to place blame. We are all human. None of us are perfect. Forgive each other and move on. The future holds more challenges, so let go of the past and embrace the new challenges and opportunities that abound!
  • Remind yourself that by dumping him/her your giving yourself the chance to find someone better and treats you like the gold you are.

Warnings

  • Don't make yourself responsible for his/her ability to accept this and for his/her ability to move on. Staying in a relationship because your partner would be LOST without you is not a reason to stay in a relationship.
  • Don't let him or her know that you still like him or her-it will only make them feel like they've won.
  • Don't listen to songs that reminds you of him/her, and basically just try to erase him/her from your mind.

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