Heal a Broken Heart
Coping with the loss of a relationship can be one of the hardest things that you might ever have to do. Regardless of if you were with the person for three months or thirty years, breakups can leave you feeling profoundly hurt, confused, and rejected. However, with a bit of effort, you can heal your broken heart if you work to move past the pain, take good care of yourself, and develop a fulfilling social life.
Contents
Steps
Separating Yourself From Your Ex
- Establish no contact. The very first and perhaps most important step in moving past your breakup is to cut off all communication with your ex. Do not call, text or email them. If they reach out to you, do not reply. You can even consider blocking them if you feel tempted to respond. You should establish no contact for a minimum of 90 days while you detach emotionally from them.
- If you have children or assets together, this will not be possible. But you can limit your interactions to only those that are absolutely necessary.
- If you feel like reaching out to them, write them an email but don’t send it. The process of getting your feelings into words will be cathartic without you running the risk of opening your wound even further.
- Disconnect the person from all the social networks you use. Unfollow or delete the person on Facebook, unfollow them on Twitter and Instagram, and cleanse their pictures from your social media profiles if you find that helpful.
- You can also unfollow their friends so that you don’t run the risk of seeing a picture or post about your ex.
- Try not to be in the same place as your ex. Though they have been an important part of your life for some time, and your body and brain are used to having them around, know that seeing them will only set you back. Avoid places that you know they frequent. Take a different route to work or class. These small inconveniences will help you heal much faster.
- If the person loves going to the gym early Saturday, only go during the weekday. If the person loves going to the local farmer's market, try to go really late or early if you have to go.
- Be courteous and short if you bump into the person. Say "hi" the way you would to a friend, have a short, impersonal chat, and say goodbye. Being rude to them will not make you feel any better nor will lingering around to rehash old feelings.
- Keep the chat at one or two minutes max.
- You might say “Hey, how are you?” and allow them to respond. Then you can say “I’m doing good as well. Great to see you!” and then you can walk away.
- Fake it until you make it. You may be feeling completely miserable following this separation, which is normal and understandable. Though smiling and laughing might be difficult, fake it until you make it. Research shows that telling yourself that you are happy and behaving as if you are happy actually does improve your mood. For the time being, even while you are still hurting, still put a smile on your face for the world.
- Schedule time to grieve. True healing can only come if you allow yourself to feel your emotions rather than constantly stifling them. However, you should not allow yourself to wallow. Set aside private time every day to think about the breakup. Don’t hold in your tears, but instead allow them to flow, freeing you of some of the sadness that you are carrying.
- Every day, devote less and less time to grieving. You will eventually find that you think about the breakup less and no longer need lots of time to process or grieve.
- Start a journal to record how you feel. Writing things down can be a powerful release. It's called "catharsis," where you purify your mind through expression. Write about whatever you want to write about, be it the breakup or any other issue you are going through. You'll feel a lot better after you do.
- List your strengths. Breakups can leave you feeling at your lowest. You might be feeling a general lack of self esteem but it is important that you remember your assets during this time. Take some time to think about all of the good qualities that you possess. Write them down and remind yourself of them daily.
- You might consider writing them on sticky notes and putting them all over your room or house.
- Strengths can include humor, intellect, beauty, persistence, diligence, or compassion.
- Give your space a cleansing. Remove all the memories of the person from your everyday life. Remember that you're not trying to pretend like the person never existed, just trying to remove the reminders which are currently painful for you.
- Go through your room and remove all pictures, letters, and references to the person you're trying to stop obsessing over.
- Removing is different from destroying. Don't burn or destroy any objects associated with the person, unless you're sure that you never want them to be any part of your life in the future.
Taking Care of Yourself
- Exercise and eat right. Go the gym or get outside and sweat. Physical activity increases the amount of serotonin in the brain, which acts like a natural antidepressant and improves your mood. It's okay to eat ice cream and milkshakes every once in a while, but it's best to have a diet rich in fruits, veggies, lean protein, whole grains, and water. These will not only make you look fantastic, but feel fantastic as well.
- Take some group fitness classes or hit the gym with a buddy.
- Laugh. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Take some time to engage in the things that make you laugh. Watch films that you find hilarious, revisit some of the funny memes you’ve seen on social media, or call up one of your humorous friends.
- Try to avoid funny things that will remind you of your ex.
- Do things you’ve never done before. Whether you choose to go hiking, surfing, or dancing, take some time for yourself to do new and exciting things. Enjoy your new freedom and independence. Take this time to do all of the fun things that your partner never wanted or enjoyed doing with you.
- For instance, perhaps your partner never wanted to try Indian food. This is a perfect time for you to do so.
- Change your look. With this change in your life, you might also want to change up your look as well. Reinvigorate your look by getting a haircut, color, or style change. Clean out your wardrobe and give away anything you no longer wear. Buy yourself a few new and fun outfits.
- Consider getting a facial or a massage. Massages can help to release the tension in your body.
- Get a pedicure or a manicure.
- Attend to your other responsibilities. During this time of grief and sadness, don’t forget to tend to your other responsibilities. Continue to work hard at your career or in school, but don’t add any new tasks to your plate at this time. Make sure you are remaining connected with family and friends so that you don’t lose those crucial support systems.
- For example, make sure that all of your bills are paid and that your house is clean.
Making Connections and Enjoying Life
- Spend time with your friends. Your friends are there to help you, comfort you, and have fun with. Do everyday activities with your pals. Plan a movie night either in theaters or at home. Go to the zoo, to the beach, or out to dinner. Accept their invitations when asked to hang out. Remember the fun you used to have with them and try to recapture that part of your life.
- Lean on your friends as you deal with a broken heart. Have a talk with your best friend about your heartbreak. Confide in them. Give yourself a chance to vent to someone who completely has your back.
- Try to spend less time with your and your ex’s mutual friends and more time with your own friends.
- Channel your energy into new activities. Use this time to reinvent yourself by exploring potential areas of interest for you. Remember that it is never too late to be the person that you have always wanted to be. Explore new hobbies, try new foods and live a life of excitement and novelty every day.
- Pick up a new skill. Try doing something you know little about, so it forces you to engage in the world in a different way. Try glass-blowing, ceramics, a new instrument, or cave diving.
- Read a book every night before you go to sleep. You might never have read books, but nothing moves you outside of yourself better than a book. It will help you heal.
- Invite friends to try these new things with you or do them alone.
- Volunteer. Give back to your community through volunteering. Volunteering will help you see the real impact you have on people's lives, and should show you how fortunate you are to have everything you do. Consider finding a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen, nursing home or school to volunteer at.
- Research local organization with missions that align with your passion and volunteer with them.
- Start dating again. After whatever time you deem necessary, you might feel ready to date again. Be sure you've fixed some of the issues you had in your previous relationship, and try not to make the same mistake twice!
- Don’t feel the need to be serious right away.
