Get Over an Ex You're in Love With

Getting over someone you're in love with, who used to be in love with you, is quite possibly one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through in your life. There are many tips on how to get over your ex, but often it's hard to know where to start. Read on for a step by step, week-by-week plan that will help you to get over your ex and move on with your life.

Steps

Week 1

  1. Time Apart. First, you need to go through a period of time when you cut off as much communication with your ex as possible. It will be the last thing you want to do, but being with them will hurt, and will not help you get over them. If you do not have mutual friends, don't meet up with them. If you do share a group of mutual friends, this can be very hard, as you will hear information from them and have to see your ex whilst you're with these friends. Either way, you can still do these things to limit the communication shared with your ex: Don't comment, message or email them. Don't initiate conversation on MSN/AOL Instant Messenger. Remove them from your top friends on Myspace/Bebo/Facebook, so you don't receive constant updates. If you are, stop being mutual friends on LiveJournal, so you don't have to read their diary entries. Don't pick up their calls, and only reply to their texts if they're important. If they comment or message you, or speak to you on MSN/AOL Instant Messenger, you can reply but keep it light and don’t be over friendly. Do not ask any mutual friends questions about your ex.
  2. No tracking them down. Never start reading your ex’s comments or text messages. Try not to read their profile or check to see how high you are on their friends list. You will be curious, but you don’t want to know, it will only make you feel worse.
  3. Hide away things that remind you of them, such as letters, cards, gifts etc. You can have photos of you, your ex and mutual friends in your room, but don’t put up ones of just you and your ex.
  4. Don’t consider hooking up with them if you know you’re both not going to be sober/at a party etc. Just don’t go there, don’t try to chat them up during these times or anything, even though this can be very tempting - especially during the first stage of getting over the break up.
  5. Select a few close friends whom you can talk to about your feelings about your ex and the breakup. Make sure you do not talk about it to mutual friends that are closer to your ex than they are to you.
  6. Throughout this whole process, cry, whenever you want to. Crying is not being weak, it’s just letting out your emotions, and sometimes you will need to do this.

Week 2

  1. Always admit to yourself how you are feeling. From now on, ask yourself how you are feeling every day, and always be honest. Also, make sure you are honest about your feelings with the close friends you selected in week 1. There is no point in denying your feelings, because you will begin to think you are over your ex, when really you aren’t, and this can bring back the pain you felt when you first broke up, and you will have to start this process all over again.
  2. People care. From now on, every day tell yourself that there are other people that care about you, because there are.
  3. Don’t numb yourself with drugs or alcohol. It’s fine if you want to use these things with friends and to have fun. But never start using them on your own, and to escape from your problems. This is very, very tempting to do, but you will not help yourself at all.
  4. Don’t start binge eating or starving yourself as a way of coping. It will eventually make it a lot worse and could result in other problems.
  5. Listen to sad music. Yes, it will hurt and it will remind you of your ex, but it will also remind you that there are other people who understand how you feel.

Week 3

  1. Everyone suffers heartbreak. Remember that it is inevitable that everyone will get their heart broken for the first time. Everyone has to go through this at some point or other. Tell yourself this every day.
  2. Respect their choice not to be with you anymore. Understand that they can have their opinions and they can do what they want, ultimately it is their life.
  3. Write 4 lists; one of things you hated about them, one of things you could never agree on, one of reasons why it didn’t work out between you two/why it wasn’t meant to be, one of things you want from a partner that you didn't get from your ex. You tend to remember only the good things about them and the relationship, and may want to remember them as someone perfect, especially if they mean a lot to you, which they probably do. Keep this list somewhere you can read it whenever you start to wonder what you could’ve done to change things/where it all went wrong.
  4. Make yourself feel great.<b> Change your hair, buy new clothes, exercise, eat healthily etc. Remember all the compliments people have told you (yes, including your ex). Know that someone else will soon appreciate these traits in you, like your ex once did.
  5. <b>Start reading books and/or watching a TV drama. These things help take you to another world.

Week 4

  1. Don’t let the feeling of hurt over the break up control your life. If you do this, it will be very hard to move on. It is okay to do this for the first few weeks. But after that, pick yourself up and realise that there is more to life than this relationship you had.
  2. Get through the pain. Easier said than done, but don’t feel sorry for yourself. Don’t wallow in your misery. Get on with it.
  3. Don’t bad-mouth your ex or any new boyfriends/girlfriends they have. You may be feeling angry at this point, but don't give into it.
  4. If your ex has a new boyfriend/girlfriend, ACCEPT IT. Be happy for them, let the new guy/girl have a chance, don’t try to ruin the relationship for them. Know that, yes, your ex will probably act with them how they used to act with you. This will hurt, but accept it.
  5. Don't try to make them jealous. Don’t get off with someone right in front of your ex, solely for the purpose of making them jealous. It will be obvious.
  6. STOP with the sad songs. They helped for a while, but start listening to happier music at the moment.

Week 5

  1. Don’t stop doing things just because they remind you of your ex. If you have these boundaries in your life, you will not get over your ex.
  2. Tell yourself that you are happy for them, over and over again.
  3. Talk to friends and people on the internet about how they got over their first loves and found new loves. Tell yourself that you WILL fall in love again.
  4. Start seeing your close friends and family more. Hang out with them a lot, go out to new places and try to meet new friends. This will help take your mind off your ex.
  5. Write a list of goals and things you want to do, and start working on them. Improve yourself, become the person you have always wanted to be!

Week 6

  1. Stop comparing every possible love interest to your ex.
  2. Know that you are better off without them. Someone that leaves you isn’t worth the tears and the hurt.

Week 7

  1. Try to meet lots of new people; both friends and love interests. Flirt with new people, but don’t think of anything as serious just yet. Don’t date people if you don’t really fancy them, which is something people often do when on the rebound. Talk, flirt, and hang out with various possible love interests before getting into a proper relationship. Flings and companionship is all you need at the moment. Also, make new friends, whom you see just as that, friends.

Week 8

  1. Don’t regret ever having the relationship. Be grateful for the experience and everything that you have learnt from it.
  2. Make a list of mistakes you know not to make in your next relationship, stuff you have learned that will help you with your next relationship etc.
  3. Understand that your feelings for this person may never fade completely. You were once very close to this person, you were in love with them. If you used to be in love with someone, it is unlikely that you will ever see them purely as just a friend, or someone that doesn’t mean anything to you. It is very likely (and almost certain if they were your first love) that you will always have a soft spot for them. Know that this is okay, but accept that a soft spot is all it can be. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
  4. If by this point, you have no desire to be friends with your ex, you don't need to carry on with the plan. Spend your time having fun, meeting people, completing goals and just generally getting on with your life. You might not be over them yet, but having the completed the plan above, give it time and you will probably get over them.
  5. However, if by this point, you do want to be friends with your ex, read on...

Weeks 9 & 10

  1. During these weeks, just generally continue having fun, keeping busy and meeting people.
  2. Comment your ex to say hi, you need to ease into this.

Week 11

  1. Message your ex, casually saying you know you haven't spoken much for a while, but you'd like it if you could be friends, and what do they think?
  2. Start talking to them on MSN/AOL Instant Messenger. Don't jump straight into being friends with them.

Week 12

  1. Talk to and hang out with them more if you're out with mutual friends.
  2. Text, comment, MSN/AOL Instant Messenger them more. Talk to them as if they are slightly closer to you now than they were.

Week 13

  1. Suggest hanging out, just the two of you, as FRIENDS. If they agree to it, make sure it's nothing date-y, such as going out to the cinema, going for a meal, watching movies at your house or going to a beach. Instead, you could hang out at yours, but playing Xbox games or something, go to an arcade, go shopping in your nearest town etc.

Week 14

  1. If, by now, you are friends, accept that this friendship will be very different from when you were more than friends. Don't expect your ex to travel places with you, to talk to you every night or to spend all the weekends with you.
  2. If your ex has a new love interest, try speaking to him/her. If you and your ex are now friends, you may as well make the effort to get to know someone who is important to them. If you don't get on with him/her at all, then don't try it again, but still be polite to them. You never know, you may gain a new friend.
  3. Don’t be clingy. Even if you start to have the kind of friendship where you are always there for each other, don’t just rely on them, show that you have a life of your own and can cope without them.

Tips

  • Never lose sight of the big picture.
  • Never look back, just move on!
  • Know that you broke up for a reason. Know that reason and dwell on it.
  • Follow each step at a time.
  • Realize he's probably happier without you dating him. Just be happy for him and his new other.
  • If a song reminds you of your ex don't listen to it.

Warnings

  • Be careful if you are trying to be friends with your ex, because the feelings for them could come flooding back.
  • If you feel suicidal at any time, or don't feel any better at all after three months, find help, or ring helplines.

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