Get a Girl to Like You when She Has a Boyfriend

Getting a girl to like you when she has a boyfriend is probably leading you into some pretty dangerous territory. And, if she's really in love with her boyfriend or if he happens to be one of your best friends, then it may not be a good idea. But, if you feel a close connection with her and think that she'll be happier together than she is in her current situation, then who's going to stop you from fighting for her? All's fair in love and war, right? If you want to know how to get the girl of your dreams and make her forget her other love interest, do what you have to.

Steps

Making a Plan

  1. See if she's happy in her current relationship. Let's face it. You probably won't be winning the girl over if she's head-over-heels in love with her current boyfriend. If the two of them are just so happy together that it makes you gag, then it'll be hard to find your opening. But if you find her looking or acting unhappy or unsure in her current relationship…that's when you can start to make your move. Without acting like you're prying too much, try to get a sense of how the girl is really feeling about her relationship to know if you should move forward.
    • If you hang out with her and her boyfriend, see how they are together. Does she seem bored, not that interested, sad, or the opposite -- like she's trying too hard to look happy? Of course, it's hard to really get a sense of a relationship from the outside, but if you carefully observe them together, you may get a clue.
    • If you know she has a boyfriend, see if she'll mention him around you. Give her an opening by saying, "What are you up to this weekend?" or asking something seemingly innocent about her day. If the girl is not into you or is trying to ward you off, then she will definitely mention the boyfriend so you don't get the wrong idea. But if you hang out for a while or have a long conversation, and her significant other never comes up, you may start to wonder how happy she really is...
  2. Talk to her about her boyfriend. Give her an opening. If you do learn that she has a boyfriend, try to get her to open up about it without creeping her out. The worst thing you can do is try to bad mouth her boyfriend, say he's a loser, or just talk about how much better you are than him. Remember that subtlety is key -- you want her to figure out what an amazing guy you are all on her own. So, instead, casually giver her opportunities to talk about him, and see if she begins to complain about him on her own. Here are some innocent questions you can ask or things you can say:
    • "Wow, three years is a long time to be with one person. You must really like each other."
    • "It must be nice to spend so much time with your boyfriend."
    • "It's cool that you and your boyfriend don't hang out all the time."
    • "Being in a relationship must be pretty comforting…"
  3. Make sure she likes you -- at least a little bit. This is key if you want to make your move. If the girl just isn't all that interested in you, then you won't have a chance to really get her to see you as boyfriend material. You have to look for the clues and hints that let you see that she really does like you and think of you as more than a friend. If she just looks at you as a friend and confidant, then you're in trouble (more on that later). Here are some signs that she really does like you as more than a friend:
    • She goes out of her way to talk to you, even making excuses to do it
    • She stays online for a while on Facebook or gchat when she knows you'll be on, as if she's waiting for you to message her
    • Her face lights up when she sees you
    • She starts opening up to you, revealing personal information
    • She compliments you a lot, maybe even telling you what a great guy you are
    • She starts to reveal that she's not happy in her relationship
    • She flirts with you by laughing, being playful, and teasing you
  4. Avoid the Friend Zone like the plague. You may think you have the girl wrapped around your little finger, when she says something like, "It's so great to have such an amazing friend like you." If you hear this -- run away as fast as you can! Once you've gotten in the Friend Zone, it's pretty hard to get out of there. Make sure that she sees you as a potential romantic partner, not as one of her BFFs. Here are some signs that you may be in the Friend Zone:
    • See if she treats you like a brother instead of as a romantic prospect. If she's too comfortable around you, belching, not caring about what she's wearing at all, making kind of gross comments, and generally getting all buddy-buddy, then you may be in trouble.
    • If she does talk to you about her boyfriend, see how she does it. If it's in the tone of, "I'm not happy with my boyfriend, and I like you so much better…" then, cool. But if it's more like, "Will you be my BFF/sounding board/surrogate mother as I complain about this guy I'm going to inevitably marry?" then, not so good. Either way, don't let her complain about her boyfriend to you too much, or she may really be taking advantage of you as just a friend.
  5. Make sure she's worth it. Of course, you should give yourself the benefit of the doubt, assuming you're a good judge of character who knows that this girl is different from the rest and that she's really worth fighting for. But just in case you're getting a little too close to have a good sense of the situation, you should know which types of girls with boyfriends are poison and are to be avoided at all costs. You want this to go somewhere, right? If so, then here are some gals you may want to steer clear of, no matter how cute they are:
    • The girl who is just using you to make her boyfriend jealous.
    • The girl who loves to flirt with you. If she's been flirting with you for months and it hasn't gone anywhere, then it probably won't go anywhere.
    • The girl who wants a new BFF. Maybe she's sick of all her female friends and needs a new buddy. Watch out if it's you.
    • The girl who lets you wine and dine her and then goes home to her boyfriend. Don't waste too much time or money on her if she's not actually going to leave the man who should be taking her out.

Taking a Step Forward

  1. Treat her with respect. If you want to get the girl to like you, then you can't hit on her, touch her, or be disrespectful to her. After all, she officially has a boyfriend, right? She wants to be with a guy who takes her and her relationship seriously, not someone who is careless about crossing boundaries. Let her see what a gentleman and a nice guy you are, without seeming too nice, like someone she can walk all over. Basically, if you make her like you by being kind and caring toward her without hitting on her, she'll start falling for you.
    • She may think, "So many guys hit on me while knowing I have a boyfriend. It's so cool how different he is…"
    • Again, this doesn't mean you should get into the Friend Zone. It does mean that you should let her see that you like spending time with her and care about who she is, not about stealing a kiss.
  2. Let her make the calls. Leave just enough hints that you like her and wait for her to take the bait. Sure, you can invite her to a party or a group thing, but it will be even better if you give her time to ask you to hang out or to spend time together. If she takes the initiative, then you'll have a better sense that she really does like you and wants to get out of her current relationship.
    • Casually mention a movie or a band that's playing soon. See if she asks you to go.
    • If you have class together, you can talk about it and get her to mention that she wants a study buddy.
    • Maybe you're both walking out of the same place together. If you mention that you're hungry or could use some caffeine, she may ask you to grab something with her.
  3. Spend more time together. Soon, you'll start hanging out together a bit more, and you should make the most of that time. Let her see how funny, charming, chill, and all-around great you are. This doesn't mean you should hide your true self, but it does mean that you should put your best foot forward. Let her see that you're someone who treats her right and someone she really clicks with. Bonus points if you find yourself doing something she really loves.
    • Try to get some alone time with her without being too forward. This is the best way for her to see what it would be like if you were really dating.
  4. Show her you're interested. When the time is right, let her see that you do like her as more than a friend. You don't have to come out and say that you're falling for her, but you should make it clear that you have at least some romantic intentions. You can let her know this through simple compliments, or through your actions. Here are some ways you can get the message across:
    • Give her meaningful compliments. Say something like, "I've never met a girl like you before," or "It's just so easy to talk to you. I can talk to you for hours." Let her know that she really stands out to you.
    • Be thoughtful around her. Bring her a cup of coffee when she needs one. Text her to check in to see how her math test went. Let her know that you're thinking about her -- without coming on too strong.
  5. Be refreshing. Find a way to make things new and exciting when you're together. Don't just be the sounding board for all of her complaints about her boyfriend. Instead, do something fun and spontaneous. Start singing in the middle of a conversation to make her laugh. Act like a goofball if a kid starts trying to play with you at a park. Show that you don't take yourself too seriously, and she'll be falling for you.
    • If she's in a bad relationship, then she's probably tired of the tears, the doubts, the crying. She wants something fun, easy, and lighthearted. Don't get into serious talks about "the status of your relationship" before you're in one!
    • When she's upset, try to make her laugh. She may not want hours of soul-searching conversation with you, just yet.
  6. Don't just be a better version of her current boyfriend. You want her to see you as something completely new and different. Don't act like you think her boyfriend acts but better -- act like yourself. If her boyfriend is a sports fanatic but you're more into your guitar, then great. She probably wants something new anyway. If her boyfriend is loud and a scene-stealer and you're more mellow, she may be looking for a more calming presence.
    • Be yourself and show her how different you are and how a relationship with you wouldn't just be a better version of her current relationship, but like something completely different.
    • If her boyfriend comes up, don't ever compare yourself to him. You don't want to look insecure or jealous.
  7. Make her feel special. If she's not happy in her current relationship, then chances are it's because she doesn't doesn't feel that loved and appreciated anymore. That's where you come in, showing her that she really is special and that everything about her stands out to you. Make comments or give her compliments that make it clear that she's one of a kind (without freaking her out, of course). Here are some things you can say:
    • "I've never met a girl who is as confident as you are."
    • "You're so good at talking to new people. How do you do that?"
    • "I feel like I can talk to you about nothing for hours. That's a real skill."
    • "I always feel so happy when I'm around you."
  8. Make the move. Once you've made your intentions clear and it's pretty obvious that she likes you, then it's time to get serious. You have to read the situation to get the best sense of what to do, but it's probably best to have a conversation where you tell her flat-out that you like her and would like to be her boyfriend. You don't have to convince her that you'd make a great boyfriend; she should be able to see that for herself just by being around you. Let her know how you feel and wait for her to take it from there.
    • Though it's scary to put the ball in her court, you can't tell her to dump her boyfriend and be with you. All you can do is make your feelings known and trust that she makes the right decision. If she's not ready to make a big move, then you have to give her time and space. And if she's really not ready, then it may be time to back off. After all, you can't wait for ever and have your own life to live.

Making It Work

  1. Don't rush it. You did it! You made a girl who has a boyfriend fall for you. Now she broke up with her boyfriend, and the two of you can live happily ever after. Unfortunately, that may not be exactly how it pans out. After she ends her relationship, she will probably be very upset and may need some space, no matter how bad it was.
    • You may feel like you waited for this so long that all you want to do is to spend time with her, but if you want it to last, then you have to respect her privacy and give her the distance she needs.
    • She may claim she doesn't need any space and will want to spend 24/7 with you, but you can't let this happen. You don't want her just moving from one guy to the next without processing what happened.
  2. Wait for her to mention the boyfriend. Sure, you may be curious about what happened during the breakup or what her boyfriend is up to, but in the end, it's not really your business. She may not be ready to talk about what happened, and if it was a long relationship, it could take months, or even a year or more, for her to really open up to you about the relationship. She may have feelings of guilt, confusion, or sadness about it, and may really just not want to talk about it. Don't push it by bringing it up.
    • You may be dying of curiosity to know how it ended and how everything was between her and her boyfriend, but you have to focus on your own relationship instead of getting sidetracked.
  3. Work on building a future, not obsessing over the past. Though it may feel artificial, at first, you should stop talking about how you got together, how you courted her while she had a boyfriend, and how unhappy she was in her past relationship. Instead, work on talking about how you're doing today, and all of the fun things that lie ahead for you. The past will come up naturally from time to time, but if you obsess over it, then you won't be able to move forward.
    • Don't get jealous or paranoid, wondering if she's talking to other guys, either. This just won't work for you (unless you have real reasons to care, of course).
    • Work on living in the present and planning ahead when you need to, not rehashing what happened two months ago.
  4. Get a fresh start together. Find things that you and the girl like to do together that are completely different from anything either of you have done before. Maybe you both get really into hiking. Maybe you're determined to try every sushi restaurant in the city. Maybe you start your own book club or get obsessed with the same TV show. Whatever you do, find things that you two can do together that remind you of each other and each other only. Enjoy exploring life together and finding a love and passion for (some of) the same things; this will build a strong foundation for your love and will keep it going.
    • Work on finding ways to make your relationship as fresh, exciting, and romantic as possible while also giving each other some breathing room. Remember that you don't have to do everything together to be happy.

Warnings

  • If you ask her to go out after she breaks up with her boyfriend, there is a chance she will say no. If she was very close to her boyfriend then it may take her awhile to get over him, so be patient if this is the case.
  • Don't make her cheat on her boyfriend. If she wants to, tell her that she has to decide who she wants more.
  • Despite all your effort, she may just want to be friends! Don't be too disappointed if you get turned down by her. If you were interested in her before, you assumedly still enjoy her presence - try to maintain your friendship! Just because she turns you down doesn't mean you can't be good friends!
  • Don't go overboard on the romantic gestures - she is taken, after all.
  • If she fell for you while she was still in a relationship with her boyfriend. Just be careful, because there is no guarantee that she will not fall for someone else while she is in a relationship with you.

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