Tell a Guy You Like Him

So, you like a guy, do you? Congratulations. By admitting it, you've completed the first step, however, it's much harder to actually tell him. This article will help you through the process of flirting, getting to know him, and telling him how you feel! Be brave!


Mental Preparation

  1. Decide how you feel about your crush. Romantic feelings can be confusing! Give yourself at least a few days to consider your feelings and follow some of the advice in this article. If you act too soon, you may find your feelings about your crush change over time.
    • Ask yourself questions like these: "Do I have a true romantic crush on this boy, or just an infatuation?" "What things do I like about this guy?" "What outcome do I want?" If you can't answer these questions, try to get to know him better before proceeding.
    • Only you will know whether you truly like someone. However, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, you can try taking an online quiz and interpreting the results as you please.
  2. Don't "build up" the experience in your head. No matter how cute your crush is, he's still a human being! He's probably as nervous as you are about discussing who he likes. Similarly, even if it's not apparent yet, he probably has plenty of flaws. Don't get too emotionally invested in a relationship that hasn't even started!
    • If you're having a hard time thinking of your crush as anything other than a perfect Adonis, try to mentally note things about him, however small, that make him look silly or stupid! Does he have a tiny bald spot? Does he pronounce "epitome" as "ep-it-tome?" Recognizing that everyone has flaws will make even the cutest guys much more approachable.
  3. Pay attention to his behavior. Does he seem to pay special attention to you? Does he smile a lot around you? Or, on the other hand, does he tease you and try to playfully ignore you? These are all signs that a guy might like you. If you can identify possible attraction cues, you'll have a much easier time telling him you like him because you'll already have an idea of how he feels!
    • A guy's body language can reveal his inner emotions. Does he position his chest and shoulders toward you, even if his attention is momentarily occupied by something else? Does he seem to make eye contact with you a lot?[1] He may be pondering how to tell a girl he likes her!
  4. Realize that a negative response is not a big deal. Despite your best preparations, he might not return your interest. Acknowledge this as a possibility and try not to worry about it - if he says no, it's not because he hates you. He just doesn't currently want to date you. This can be for any number of reasons. Here are just a few:
    • He may be reeling from a messy breakup.
    • He may be too emotionally immature to pursue a relationship.
    • He may simply enjoy being single.
  5. Let go of the notion that the man needs to make the first move. In the past, it was scandalous for women to ask men out. Today, much of the stigma has disappeared. However, many women still are hesitant to ask men out. A 2011 study of mostly college-age people found that 93% of women preferred being asked out by men.[2] Be proactive! You will get more dates if you are confident enough to approach men yourself.

Telling Him

  1. Find out whether he likes you or not. If he does, go forth with confidence because you have nothing to lose! If he doesn't, don't despair, you have a chance to change his mind. Obviously, if he's seeing someone else, you want to move on, at least for the time being. But if he doesn't yet have feelings for you, there's still plenty of room to be friendly and flirt. Here are some ways to learn about a guy before you approach him:
    • Ask around about him. If you're shy, ask a good friend to help find out if he likes you, or is dropping hints. If you know for a fact that he likes you, you can afford to be a little more bold.
    • Look for hints he may drop. If a guy likes you, he tends to go out of his way to be with you. (This is not always true, but often a good indicator.) He'll make excuses to sit next to you, be at social events you're at, and may even start to hang out with your friends. Keep an eye out!
    • If you catch him staring at you, look at him in the eyes and try to hold contact for a few seconds. If he keeps contact, you know he likes you back. If he turns away, it could mean he likes you and is shy. Beware, however, as there is more than one reason for people to stare at each other. You may have spinach in your teeth!
  2. Try to start simple conversations with him. In order to tell a guy you like him, you'll need to first have a talking relationship. This just means being on friendly terms, knowing a little about each other, and beginning to develop a more intimate familiarity. This is also a good chance to learn more about a guy - this new information may influence whether you want to tell him you like him or not. Here's some ways to start friendly conversations:
    • You may want to start a conversation about something that will flatter him. A great conversation starter is something that makes him feel good about himself. Try:
      • "That was a great football game you played in last Friday. I was in the stands watching with my friend. How long have you been playing?"
      • "You're always at the top of the class in English exams. Can you read every teacher's mind, or just Ms./Mr. [English teacher's name]?"
      • "I like your hair. Did you get a haircut recently?"
  3. Talk about things you have in common. A great conversation starter is talking about things you can potentially do together (this doesn't necessarily have to be something you share the same interests in - the boy might eventually enjoy it if he is doing it with you). That way you both feel more comfortable.
    • Here are just a few conversation-starting examples:
      • "Hey, do you know what the math homework is? I left my planner in class and I don't have it memorized."
      • "Does your older brother go to Gunn? My sister thinks they share a class together."
      • "I noticed you have a Schwinn bike. How do you like it? I was thinking about asking my parents for one this Christmas."
    • It may seem obvious, but it bears mentioning: Don't tell him you like him if you're not at least on good speaking terms. If you surprise someone you don't know well by openly revealing your attraction, you could scare him off. At the very least, it will affect the course of any future friendship or courtship.
  4. Try flirting with him! Stereotypically, guys are bad at realizing that girls are flirting with them. This may have some basis in fact - the internet is full of guides for men that attempt to answer the question, "is she flirting with me?" That doesn't mean that you should flirt more; it just means that you should be aware that he might not flirt back with you, even if he likes you.
    • When he's talking to you, twirl your hair as you listen. This action is natural enough for most people not to make anything of it, but if he says something about it, then he's definitely paying attention. This is an easy flirting method to use.
    • Ask him to do you a favor. This one is sweet, but it can backfire for a number of reasons: he might not want to do you a favor in front of his friends, or yours, because he's embarrassed. Stick to simple favors:
      • Ask him to hold your backpack in between classes. You can tell him it's really heavy and you want someone strong to help you out.
      • Ask him to do homework with you, even if you don't need much help. This is the perfect excuse to get close to him, and also a good indicator of how patient he is.
      • Above all, try not to be needy - don't try to make him help you move or anything!
    • Smile, show him your eyes, and be available. Show him all the things that make you really attractive. Smile your wonderful smile, show him your mesmerizing eyes, and be around when he's around. He'll start to notice you very soon!
  5. Break the touch barrier. Begin to show him that you're interested by touching him in safe, but suggestive, places. Try these on for size:
    • Hang or rest on his shoulder. Pretend to be bored and rest your head on his shoulder. Or simply rest your hands on his shoulder. Give him a good look in his eyes if he looks back at you.
    • If he teases you, gently "hit" them on the shoulder. Mostly, girls do this when guys are playfully teasing them. You can pretend to be upset or take it with a laugh.
    • Find excuses to touch him. If he's got really big hands, just take his hands and say something like "Wow, you're hands are huge; look at how big they are compared to mine!" Fit your hand into his.
  6. If you're ready to tell him, know that there are several options as to how. If you're feeling brave, simply tell him. You want to catch him away from his friends, and with ample time. Look confident (better yet, be confident.) Start up a regular conversation, and wait until a pause to tell him.
  7. If you're worried about what he'll say, simply ask him out on a date. This is a good method to try because you're not openly expressing your attraction - just the possibility of future attraction. All you're really asking is whether he wants to go somewhere with you. If he's been responding well to your flirting and conversation, there's no reason why he shouldn't want to! Try something like:
    • "Hey, I was going to see that movie on Saturday until my friend bailed on me. Do you wanna go with me?"
    • "I've been dying to go to that haunted house on Main street and I haven't found anyone brave enough. Are you game?"
    • "My parents and I go to the state fair every year — don't ask, it's a long story — and they were wondering if I wanted to bring along someone from school. Do you want to go?"
  8. If you'd rather be less direct, you can use notes to tell him. Either place the notes yourself or have one of your trusted friends to help you out.
    • Write a cute note saying, "I like you" and stick it in his locker.
    • Write "I like you" on a piece of paper, making sure to write who it's for but not who it's from. Ask a few of your friends to pass the note around and "randomly" get it to him. If he reads the note and looks around expectantly, you can either hint that you wrote it or leave him guessing.
  9. Whatever his answer, have confidence in yourself. If he says yes, be confident that he likes you for who you are and that you're genuinely likable. Don't question his reaction - you might shoot yourself in the foot by saying "really?" if he says he likes you too. You have every reason to be confident.
    • If he doesn't like you back, just casually dismiss him by saying something like, "Oh, OK. Don't worry about it." Then, move on! Remember that a "no" response doesn't mean he thinks you're horrible. His motivations may be complicated. Have confidence that his tastes don't define you, and that there are plenty of other guys out there who would be lucky to have you. Remember that!
  10. If you're feeling especially brave, send him a text saying "OMG, (insert his name here) is soooooo cute!!!!!" then send one saying "Soooo sorry that was meant for (insert you friend's name here.)" If he likes you, he'll now have almost no reason not to ask you out.

After He Says Yes

  1. Plan a date! Keep your momentum up - don't let a budding attraction wither because you're both too afraid to plan a date. You don't have to go on a date the very day you find out you like each other, but try to plan one within a week or two. By dating, you'll get to know each other even better and you'll learn whether you're a good romantic match.
    • A good time to schedule a date is the weekend following whenever you admit that you like each other.
    • For your first date - try to plan so that at least part of the date allows you to talk to each other. For instance, if you want to see a movie, plan to have dinner as well. A good first date is casual, low-pressure, and uniquely "you."
    • A date doesn't have to be extravagant. A great first date can be as simple as doing homework and having a picnic at the park. Here are a few more low-cost ideas if you're having a hard time thinking of dates:
      • A local carnival, seasonal fair, or amusement park.
      • Rollerskating or ice skating. If one of you isn't a great skater, even better - you'll have to hold each other to keep from falling!
      • Hiking. If you can make it to the top of a local hill or bluff, you'll be treated to a gorgeous (and romantic) view.
  2. Don't psych yourself out! The period between expressing your attraction and going on your date can be nerve-wracking, but try not to worry. A first date is a chance to get to know someone
    • If you're really nervous, talk to your girlfriends. They may be able to tell you hilarious first date nightmare stories. At the very least, they'll be able to remind you that first dates aren't supposed to be tremendously stressful.
  3. Keep in touch, but not too much. Feel free to send your crush a few flirty texts before your first date, but don't overdo it. It can be tempting to shower him with compliments, especially if you're really into each other. Resist the urge - too much too soon can be awfully intimidating, especially if the guy is less romantically experienced than you. Some sources even recommend creating a sense of mystery before the first date by maintaining total "radio silence."[3]
  4. Be yourself on your date! Once you know someone likes you back, it's pretty hard not to change your behavior a little bit. Still, remember that he likes you for who you are - there's no need to adopt an unnatural sex-queen persona for your first date! Act like you usually do around him - make the same inside jokes, tease him the same way. If you're a good fit, that's usually all you'll need to do.


  • If you ask him if he likes you, do it when he's alone. When he's with the guys, he's under pressure to look cool in front of them, and the answer tends to be "no" regardless of how he actually feels.
  • Guys have feelings too. If he's hinting that he's nervous or blushing, don't laugh, and don't hit or insult him. This can be flirty when done playfully, but should be saved until you're actually "going out."
  • Act comfortable and naturally around him. You may have heard this a hundred times, but just be yourself. You have a right to not have to change for somebody just to meet their approval. If a guy really likes you, he'll accept you for who you are.
  • Make friends with his friends, but don't get too into them, when you hang out with his friends and him he'll see that you have the same interests in friends and that you can all get along, when you all get along he'll see that you've opened up.
  • Before you tell him, nurture him. But don't be too obvious. Give him holiday presents but not too often. When you go on vacation, don't get him anything, but give a girlfriend of yours something and present it in front of him. It's like playing "hard to get" so he'll be more intrigued by you when you tell him.
  • Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel, even if you're scared he'll be rejecting and then telling all his friends about you liking him.
  • Remember you can always ask him if he likes you before you tell him you like him. If he says "no," you can reply with "phew, my friends keep telling me how much you like me and I knew it wasn't true".
  • For dates, you could ask him directly, or have a friend help out. If you feel nervous, you could have a friend and their date tag along for a double date - it might not be as scary with a friend around!
  • Try spending more time with him. By doing this you will get to know each other better.
  • Sending a guy notes may backfire, if he shares them with others.
  • When you have eye contact, don't turn away. It makes him think you're not interested!
  • Tell him face-to-face rather than sending him a text. This will mean a lot more to the other guy, and he will be more sure that you will keep your word.
  • If being nervous is the problem or you never get to see him, texting can be an option since you can express your feeling without showing how nervous you are.
  • Go to something that isn't that doesn't have emotional pressure ether one of you. Like picnic, walk or a movie.
  • Give the guy a day to think about it. You want a good healthy relationship. Most guys get nervous when you're talking to them about this in person and might say things they'll regret later!
  • If you're going to leave a note or someone's locker, do it while no one is watching or have a friend do it. Also make sure it's the right locker. If you put in in the wrong one,that's okay. Just put a second note in the first one saying you're sorry you got the wrong locker and ask for the note to be thrown away or given back.
  • Be careful with giving him a note that says "I like you." He can respond in a way you don't want him to. For example, I once gave one to my crush. He laughed and told his friends, and gave it to the teacher. The teacher told the whole class," Whoever did this, please stop." It was so embarrassing.


  • Don't bring up his past (in dating or in general) if you know anything about it. No one can control their past. At best, he'll brush it off and ask why you brought it up; at worst, you'll seem like you've been seeking out his information.
  • If you tell him you like him, don't be surprised if he's a little shocked. He may have had no idea you liked him.
  • Be selective with who you tell that you like him, especially if you're in the same school - word can travel fast. The best way to keep this a secret is to keep it to yourself. If you simply must tell someone, tell a friend who kept your last secret, or better yet, someone far enough away that they can't tell him (such as a pen pal, or a friend who goes to a different school).
  • Don't text your crush all the time. It makes you look silly and obsessive, unless he always texts back right away - then you can keep texting (within reason.)

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Sources and Citations

  2. Mills, M., Janiszewska, A, & Zabala, L., (2011). Sex differences in making risky first time relationship initiatives.