Get a Man to Leave His Wife

Are you in love with an unhappily married man? You know you are perfect for each other except for the fact that he is still with his wife. While the probability is highly unlikely that he will ever leave her, here are some steps you can take to help him make the right decision. Remember, you cannot make someone leave. They have to do it voluntarily on their own. People change, get married for the wrong reasons, and even though it is wrong to break a commitment, the reality is that it happens every day and sometimes it may be better for all persons involved. Loss of a relationship is sometimes a gift in disguise.

Steps

  1. Do not have sex with him, just leave the wrapping where the wife can see. A married man who cheats on his wife is doing it for physical reasons only. Realize that at that moment, he does not want to leave his wife. That is why he is having an affair. If he really wanted to leave her, he would have done so before having sex. If you already had sex with him, stop. Tell him you cannot be with a man who is dishonest.
  2. Don't try to convince him or manipulate him to leave; don't try --- just succeed. Convincing or manipulative behaviour never works in the long run. He has to figure it out for himself. Even if he does act on your advice or pressure, he may resent you later.
  3. Treat yourself as the prize. By not falling into bed with him, you are showing him that you are a woman who deserves respect and are marriage material. Have your own life and interests. Hopefully you have interests in common, which are things his wife doesn't enjoy. This makes you more attractive to him.
  4. Figure out what benefits he is getting from staying in the marriage. Even if he is unhappy, he is still getting something positive from the marriage or from not breaking up. This could be access to his children, money (he is likely scared of a divorce and losing half his income and property), emotional support, reputation (makes him feel good to be a "family man"), mutual friends, having someone to do stuff with (vacations, hobbies), her cooking and cleaning, etc. There is no point in competing with the wife in these areas. Don't make the mistake of wasting your time trying to be a better "wife". Giving to him will push him away. Just know that you cannot do anything about these facts and work on all the other steps, so that your relationship with him will outweigh the benefits.
  5. Figure out what his wife isn't doing right. Men need to feel masculine. Most likely the wife has emasculated him over time, and therefore he is no longer attracted to her. There are a lot of articles and books on what this means. Do your homework to find out how to make him feel more masculine (and you to feel more feminine). Admiring his masculine strengths and having the polarity of your femininity is important. Wives who give too much, over function, make all the decisions, work too hard at the relationship, take care of everything in the marriage, and who don't know how to receive gratefully what the man has to offer, start to assume the role of the man in the family. This makes the husband feel bad about himself and he will start to look elsewhere to validate his masculinity. That doesn't mean you should have sex with him. Most likely he is still having sex with his wife (even though he will tell you he is not), but he can do it without feeling anything deeply for her. Having sex with him will not attract him to you. You need to give him all the other things he needs to feel masculine and whole.
  6. This means getting to know him as a person. Becoming friends and having him confide in you takes patience. His roots with his wife go much deeper than with you, so you need to take a long time to build up a good relationship with him. He has to feel more than just physically attracted to you. There needs to be an emotional bond with you. He needs to feel safe to share his hopes, dreams, fears, emotions and insecurities with you, and know he is still loved. Also, once you do get to know him as a person, you may discover things about his character that you don't like and re-evaluate your decision as to whether or not you want him at all.
  7. Date others. Don't get hung up on him or too attached. Men like to compete. But be careful not to discuss too much about your dating others with him. He may ask, and you can reply vaguely, but it could do more damage if you appear to be trying to make him jealous.
  8. Don't be needy. Don't initiate contact, calls, texts, emails, etc. Let him come to you on his own. He needs to do so on his own time and for his own reasons. If he is not into you, you cannot make him love you. If you start chasing and giving to him, he may selfishly take what you have to offer at first, but eventually he will feel emasculated and pull away (just like he is doing with his wife).
  9. Don't be jealous of his wife or angry. It is good to feel compassion for her. It is not her fault. Don't be insecure.
  10. Don't become his therapist or marriage counselor. Trying to help him get over her, or solve his problems, will not attract him to you. Trying to "fix" things is a masculine trait. He has to do it himself in his own way.
  11. Don't confront the wife. Telling her about you or her husband's infidelity will only make him angry with you and destroy any future you have together. He knows best how to deal with his wife and has to figure out his own way of leaving her. If the wife finds out, they might end up in marriage counseling and back together.



Tips

  • If you truly are soulmates, you shouldn't have to do anything.
  • Remember that for him to feel masculine (which is likely what he is lacking in his marriage), HE needs to be the giver and the chaser and YOU just need to sit back, receive gratefully what he has to offer, and admire his masculine strengths and qualities.
  • Sometimes you might have read the signs wrong, he might actually be happy with his wife. In which case trying to take him is a disgraceful thing to do.

Warnings

  • You are likely to get attached to him. Be prepared to walk away and suffer the loss (deal with the grieving process) if he doesn't leave her.
  • Consider whether you really want a man who doesn't keep his marital vows or commitments. Dishonesty, lying, cheating and lack of integrity are not good character traits.
  • He may get moody and distance himself from you while he is trying to work everything out in his head. Don't feel rejected, just give him time and space and be welcoming when he returns.
  • The majority of divorces are initiated by women, not men. It is highly unlikely that he will ever leave her. You will likely get very hurt.
  • Someone who cheats on his wife may cheat again on you.
  • The wife, if insecure, may try really hard to win him back or get revenge. You have to ensure you are emotionally strong enough to handle the backlash.
  • Ask yourself why do you really want a married man? There are many single guys out there who share similar interests with you. You could have many soulmates. Make sure you are not really just attracted to him because he is currently unavailable. Often women with insecurities and low self-esteem, childhood trauma and abandonment issues are attracted to married men. Once he leaves his wife and is free to be with you, the attraction you feel for him may disappear. Work on your own issues before you try any of this.
  • If you truly want him to leave her, you will have to accept that she will always be a part of his life (as the mother of his children or the ex to whom he will have ongoing commitments). He will always love her and she will always have a special place in his heart. You cannot erase the past and you may not feel good about this reality.
  • If he does break up with the wife, he will be under a lot of stress, both emotionally and financially. The reality of being in a real relationship with you will not be as easy as you may think. He may feel worse once he loses his money, his assets, his friends, as a result of the divorce. He may regret his decision.
  • You may end up suffering from a ruined reputation, depending on the social circles you keep and circumstances of the affair. It won't be a secret for long if he leaves his wife for you - the news will eventually come out at work, school, and among mutual friends. You will be judged negatively. You'll have to accept that some people will blame you, even if it is unfair. Be prepared for gossip, rumors, and strained relationships with other people in your life. The more ugly or high-profile the breakup, the worse this will likely be.
  • If the marriage does break up, she (and any children) will be in a lot of pain. Think about whether you will feel guilty. Think about whether you will be able to handle the long-term effects of dealing with his children and his ex-wife. They will likely hate you for breaking up the family.

Things You'll Need

  • Something that would make him come back for more
  • Other interests, hobbies, friends in your life

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