Find Out if a Person Actually Misses You

When you are separated from someone you care about, it’s natural to wonder if that person misses you. Perhaps you have grown apart from a former friend, relative, or someone else with whom you used to be intimate. Or perhaps you just wonder whether your boyfriend or girlfriend really misses you during that business trip. Find out if someone misses you without resorting to stalking or acting inappropriately.

Steps

Finding Out if Someone Misses You When You’ve Drifted Apart or Broken Up

1. Suggest a meeting and pay attention to your friend’s reaction. If you sense that a friendship is waning and you want to know whether your friend misses you, invite them to get together for something friendly and light, like a cup of coffee. If your friend reacts enthusiastically, it’s likely that he misses you, too. On the other hand, if he postpones the meeting or seems reluctant to get together, recognize that he probably doesn’t miss you.
   • Be honest but non-accusatory about missing your friend. Say something like: “I miss our fun Friday night hang-outs! Do you want to get together again soon?”
2. Talk about the underlying issues. If your friendship has grown distant and you’re not sure why, it may be more helpful to talk directly with your friend about the cause of the distance. Tell your friend that you’ve noticed that the two of you are not as close anymore. Ask if you did anything to cause offense or to hurt your friend. If the answer is yes, be ready to listen to what your friend has to say without leaping to your own defense.
   • It may be helpful to ask directly if your friend misses you, but be careful about putting her on the spot. If your friend feels accused, she might not answer honestly.
3. Talk to mutual friends. Be clear about your needs and intentions. For example, you can tell a friend: “I feel like I’ve grown further away from our mutual friend lately, and it makes me sad. Do you think it would be worth it for me to reach out to them right now?” Listen thoughtfully to the reply.
   • Don’t ask about whether someone misses you only in order to make yourself feel better.
4. Let relationships end naturally. Recognize the signs of a friendship that is coming to its close. There may be long silences or awkward gaps in the conversation. Making plans may be more difficult. Misunderstanding may happen more often. Not all friendships are meant to last forever; as interests and lives evolve, so will relationships.
   • If your friendship is coming to an end, don’t obsess about whether your friend misses you. Instead, celebrate the good things the friend brought to your life and move on.
5. Don’t mistake “I miss you” for “I want to be with you.” Even if a former friend or ex-partner does miss you, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants to re-start the relationship. You both may be mourning the loss of the good parts of what you had together. However, that doesn’t mean that getting back together is a good idea.

Finding Out if Your Partner Misses You When You’re Not Together

1. Notice how often he calls or texts. If your friend or partner is often reaching out to talk, he probably misses you when you’re not around. Everyone has different styles around communication, but frequent phone calls and messages are a good sign of investment in a relationship.
2. Listen to the tone of his voice. When someone misses you, he will sound engaged and eager when you do speak. If your friend sounds distracted when you’re catching up after a long time, it may be a sign that he didn’t miss you.
3. Be honest when you’re feeling insecure. If you feel anxious or insecure when your partner is away, it’s better to be honest about it. Asking, “Did you miss me?” or “Do you still love me?” is unlikely to address your real feelings. If your partner says, “Yes,” you might not believe her, while if she says, “No,” you’ll feel even worse. Instead, ask directly for the reassurance that you need.
   • For example, you could say: “I’ve had a terrible day and I’m feeling pretty lonely and insecure tonight. Can you indulge me with some extra support and tell me that you love me and miss me?”
4. Pay attention to what she shares with you. If your friend or partner shares images or links that made her think of you, it means just that: she’s thinking of you. When you are not together, you are still in your friend’s mind.
   • Presents are another way of demonstrating caring and engagement. Even if you don’t always love the thing a friend or partner got you, recognize that this, too, is evidence that she was thinking about you when you were not together.
   • If he is eager to tell you about the details of his boring conference or flight connections, recognize that it’s probably because he wants to keep talking to you. Sharing mundane details is a way of maintaining connection across distance and shows that he misses you when you are apart.
5. Pay attention to non-verbal cues. If you are far apart, it may be harder to read the signs of affection in your partner’s body. If you can talk by video, look for a tilted head and sustained eye-contact. Over the phone, a softer or higher tone of voice conveys intimacy.
6. Recognize the signs of suffering from separation. Pair bonding between couples means that separation can cause increased stress and anxiety. If she is especially worried or unsettled while you are apart, it may be that she is missing you.

Warnings

• Don’t stalk someone in real life or online. If you find yourself consumed with thoughts about whether or not someone misses you, talk to a counselor, therapist, or trusted friend.
• Be aware of Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder. If you worry constantly about whether someone is missing you, you might need to talk to a counselor or a therapist. Get help if these symptoms are interfering with your life: excessive worry when separated from people you love; extreme worry about being left by loved ones; nightmares about being separated from someone; or worry about serious harm coming to people you love, even when they are not in objective serious danger.

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Sources and Citations

See also

• Balance Others' Feelings with Your Own
• Support Someone Whose Child Is Hospitalized
• Stop Bad Examples from Hurting Your Relationship
• Talk About Daily Stress with Your Partner
• Give a Guy Space
• Change Someone Else's Behavior
• Know when Someone Likes You
• Understand What a Relationship Means
• Get Someone to Like You
• Impress Your Friends

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What links here

• Give Your Boyfriend Space
• Not Miss Someone