Have a Summer Fling

During the carefree summer months, you may be thinking about an equally carefree, no-strings-attached relationship. With a "summer fling," you can enjoy all the fun activities of summer without the commitment of a serious relationship. Just remember that in the perfect summer fling both of you should agree on a set end date for their relationship. If you want to have a summer fling, be sure to choose the right person and make the most of your short time together.

Steps

Choosing a Partner

1. Look for the perfect partner. Try to choose someone who isn't already attached to you. Avoid neighbors or friends because, since they'll be difficult to separate yourself from when the leaves start to turn. If you can, also avoid even just friends of friends. Look beyond your normal social group entirely. Good places to find a summer fling include the bar, the beach, a party, or even online. A good person for a summer fling is someone that's confident, energetic, and independent. That way, you can be sure to have a great time without letting him or her down rough.
   • If you're travelling for the summer, you will be in the best position possible to find a summer fling. You will be surrounded by people who will have never met a single person you know back home. You will also have a ready-made exit strategy: You're likely to be hundreds if not thousands of miles away from your summer lover come September.
   • If you're staying put, there are still plenty of options. Check out the dating scene in the nearest major city, beach town, or anywhere close but not too close to home. Be especially on the lookout for people who are just visiting for the summer.
   • If you're somewhere without a lot of people around, your best bet may be the Internet. Check dating websites and specifically look for people interested in casual relationships. Just be careful who you get involved with. It's best to make your first "date" in a familiar public place and possibly even bring a friend along.
2. Get to Know Someone Even Better your potential fling a little. Find out more about his or her personality and interests. Naturally, if he or she likes the same things as you, that's great. More importantly, look for signs that he or she would like to have a casual relationship. If his or her personality type is one prone to spontaneous adventures, you may have found perfect fling material.
   • You may also choose to use a summer fling to explore romance outside your normal comfort zone. You won't be worried about the relationship's future, so go ahead and try someone whose interests and lifestyle don't mesh with your own. Try someone who isn't normally your "type."
3. Look for body language cues to see if your prospect is into you. A lot of communication is nonverbal. Look for the following in a potential partner that may clue you in to his or her interest:
   • He or she makes and holds eye contact with you more than other people.
   • His or her pupils dilate when the two of you talk.
   • He or she repeatedly touches you in a friendly way.
   • He or she is constantly fiddling with objects, especially when talking to you.
4. Be direct. While body language may clue you in initially, it's important to gauge each other's mutual interest as soon as possible. Remember that a summer fling has a much shorter timeline than a typical relationship. Don't take too long hoping that the other person will make the first move. Instead, be a little more forward than usual. Explain that find him or her attractive and plan a date together. Some examples of what you might say once you've found the right person include:
   • "Hey, you seem really cool! I'm looking for someone to have fun with this summer. Are you interested?"
   • "I'm only going to be in town for a couple months, and I don't want to miss the chance to be with you," is a good line if you're traveling.
   • If your potential fling asks whether or not your offers to "hang out" are platonic, be honest. If he or she asks if something is a "date-date," don't be coy: "Yeah, it's a date-date. I think you're really cute and want to spend more time with you."
5. Be open about your intentions. Your partner should know you want a casual fling, not a serious relationship. Ideally, one or both of you will have a major transition at the end of the summer to make the break easier. This can be something like going back to (different) schools or traveling back home. If you continue seeing each other after the breakup, it will make for a tense, awkward relationship.
   • The best time to bring this up is when you're still flirting, before you've spent too much time together. Say something like: "This summer I just kind of want to have fun, you know? I'm not looking for anything serious."

Enjoying Your Romance

1. Have the perfect summer. Try to do as many typical summer activities with each other as possible. Go swimming. Visit an amusement park. Hike a long, romantic trail. Book a cruise. Try to take advantage of the great weather and do as much outdoors as possible.
2. Stay safe. Any type of sexual activity comes with the risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). With a brief, casual relationship like a summer fling with a relative stranger, this risk can be greater. At minimum, be sure you and/or your partner use a condom. Using lubricants will also help prevent condom breakage and reduce transmission risk. Ask your partner about his or her sexual history and most recent STD test. Keep your partner's safety in mind and be honest about any STD(s) you may have yourself. Above all, don't feel forced to do anything you don't want to do.
   • Remember that there is no way to prevent STDs completely. Keep in mind that sex, just like every other part of life, will always carry a risk.
3. Try to avoid falling in love. Remember that the best summer flings are no-strings-attached. Keep yourself from being stuck with emotional baggage from falling for someone you don't want a long-term relationship with. Is there anything that makes you swoon for a guy or girl? Some specific city or type of date that you think is just super romantic? Avoid that like the plague.
4. Take your temporary partner to fun group events. One great thing about a summer fling is that you'll have a "standing date" for all the fun activities you may not want to go to solo. Whether it's a barbecue or a concert, your partner will be there to make everything you do extra special.
   • Avoid bringing him or her to serious occasions or to meet your family. Remember that a fling should be low-pressure and without commitment. Do you really want to explain that to your parents?
   • What you call your temporary partner will depend on your culture. In places where short-term romances are the norm, there's nothing wrong with telling others that you two are a couple. Likewise, calling him or her your "boyfriend/girlfriend" is generally fine. In more conservative climates, however, it may be better to just refer to him or her as your "friend."
5. Go on a road trip. Head for a place neither of you has been before and make some fun memories together. When you're away from the stress of day-to-day life, you'll feel like you're having a mini-fling within a fling.
   • Unless another couple or some friends tag along, save the road trip for the tail end of summer. You want to make sure your partner is completely trustworthy before traveling with him or her.

Moving On

1. Plan your exit strategy. When you've decided to bring your summer fling to an end, you generally have two options you can take:
   • The Honest Route: Ideally, both you and your partner are aware of the impending split. This stops any potential awkwardness dead in its tracks. After all, you had an agreement from the get-go. Just tell him or her the date you'll be leaving town or otherwise want to end the relationship. Then pack your bags (even just metaphorically) and move on to the next chapter in your life.
   • The Covert Route: If you can't bring yourself to be brutally honest, start planning your escape at least a week before you want to split. Figure out a good reason to break up, whether it's a surprise trip to study abroad or having to go back home to take care of your family. You could also just tell him or her that the relationship just isn't "working out" for you, even though he or she is a great person. The actual breakup should be clean and simple. Be sure to do the adult thing and break up in person, not over text or instant messaging. If you have trouble working up the nerve, remember that it's just a summer fling. Hopefully you chose a partner who can handle it.
2. End the summer fling on a good note. Reassure the person that the ending is for the best. You may want to use typical breakup phrases here to help them. Keep the break clean in order to avoid either of you holding onto the relationship. Make it clear that the summer fling has officially ended.
3. Stay together if you both feel like it could be something more. Sometimes you may find yourself falling in love with a summer fling despite your best efforts. If the two of you won't be "long distance" at the end of summer, consider keeping the relationship going. Even though he or she may have agreed on an end date in the beginning, your partner may share your feelings.

Tips

• Choose a partner who is looking for the same thing you are.
• You won't be with your fling forever, so make sure you get the most bang for your buck. At the same time, don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to simply because you have time on your hands.
• Don't choose people who you already know. This decision will come back to haunt you later. You don't want to ruin a friendship because of a fling. Date as far away from your usual social circle as possible.

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Sources and Citations

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