Ignore Someone You Live With
Having a roommate or being around your spouse can be a joyous thing, but not if he or she has done something to make you want to ignore him or her. Whatever reasons you have for giving your co-inhabitant the cold shoulder, know that it's possible to do it without being cruel or ridiculous! Avoiding behaving childishly is harder, after all, adults and mature youngsters will usually choose to talk things out, however if you feel compelled to pretend someone else doesn't exist, read on from step one below.
Contents
Steps
Explaining what you're doing
- Decide how long to ignore the person. In many cases, moving out is not an option, but it is extremely difficult to ignore someone you live with for more than a few hours or days. If you're aiming for an extended period of time, you have to really want to ignore them — as if they don't exist.
- Tell the other person you are going to ignore them. Now, this may seem counterproductive, but depending on who you are ignoring, this might be a good method for you. This has the possibility of working out well in your case.
- For example, if the person knows you are ignoring them, they may try to do something to improve your feelings toward him/her. This may help resolve the issue you and the person you are ignoring are having.
- The person might decide to follow your lead and do the same. This means you can put in less effort in actively evading your ignored.
Creating space divisions
- Plan a physical divide. Think about how you are going to physically ignore your roommate or spouse. Can you use different bathrooms? Do you know which room they will be in certain days or times and not go in there?
- Create a physical divide. If you are sharing a bedroom or a studio apartment, this could be the only thing that keeps both of you apart. You can use duct tape or a dressing screen to create a distinct border in the living space. In other for this to work, the person being ignored needs to be actively ignoring you, as well.
- Plant distractions around the living space. When the person you are ignoring tries to lure you out of your cold-shoulder method, you can simply snatch up a book, turn on the T.V. or put on your headphones.
Using routine to ignore each other
- If you share a bedroom, get up at different times. While the person you are ignoring is in the bathroom brushing his/her teeth, you can go on sleeping or eat breakfast.
- Do not spend time in the vicinity of the person you are ignoring. If they sit down in the same room as you, get up and move to a different room.
- Make routine conversation undesirable. Do not engage in conversation with the other person. Do not look at them. By preventing conversation from forming while still being polite, it is hard for someone to call you out on ignoring them or talk with anyone else about the situation because you are not actually ignoring them. However, they will understand that you're ignoring them.
- When they address you, keep your answers extremely brief and super polite. Keeping your answers extremely short and polite effectively kills any conversation another person is trying to start.
- When the other person speaks to you, do not look at their eyes, look at their forehead. This subconsciously makes people feel intimidated.
- When talking with them make sure your body and shoulders are not directly facing them. Put them at an angle, pointing slightly away from the person. This lets them subconsciously know they are not your focus and that you are not giving them all your attention.
Finding your own space
- Be somewhere alone. Try to get to a bathroom, your own room or outside the living area. While you are by yourself, you can take a break from your ignore and work on Step 2.
- Get out of the living space. Sometimes, you just need to get away. Here are some suggestions:
- Try going to a place you can enjoy by yourself, such as a cafe or the mall
- Call up a friend. Have you not seen someone in awhile? You can reconnect with someone you do want to spend time with. Also, you can talk out your situation with someone who is not the ignoree.
Mending fences
- Find a mediator. If the ignoree asks you a question or tries to talk to you, get another co-inhabitant to answer for you.
- If you have to evade the person for longer than a week, you and your co-inhabitant might have serious issues that cannot be easily resolved. If civil communication cannot occur, try to find a mediator for your relationship — a trusted friend, family member or a counselor. If your situation does not improve, one of you might have to eventually move out and find a different place.
Tips
- Avoid eye contact.
- If the ignoree tries to speak to you, pretend you cannot hear him/her and walk away.
- If your place is big enough, make it clear you want the area divided into two separate spaces to ensure privacy and the cold-shoulder to work effectively.
- If some communication is necessary, do it with notes, texts, or social media messaging. It creates a barrier and disallows them from talking for an extended period of time.
- If they talk to you, give them an evil look and walk away.
- Tell the person how you feel, so they know what they need to improve on.
Warnings
- Ignoring people is passively or indirectly aggressive. It's far better to speak your mind clearly to make it absolutely clear what is bothering you. In doing so, you might be able to reach a compromise on what has lead you to behaving this way or you could resolve the issue or decide reasonably amicably to part ways. Ignoring someone is effectively a way of carrying on with a grievance in silence, making more out of an issue than needs be, burdening yourself with potential paranoia and constant irritation and failing to resolve things positively. Ultimately, you do need to question your own behavior when you carry on like this as a "solution" to a problem. Ask yourself whether this is making you feel good; your answer will be very revealing.
