Make an Annoying Roommate Move Out
We have all had that one roommate that drives us absolutely crazy. Here are a few steps to get them out of your life.
Contents
Steps
- When talking on the phone try screaming in a high pitched voice; this works very well during the early morning hours.
- Invite friends over that your roommate hates. Let them sit and gossip in your room for hours.
- Turn your music up full blast anytime you listen to it. Try to schedule your music listening time conveniently when your roommate is sleeping or doing homework. Play music you know he or she hates.
- Have frequent make out sessions with your partner on the living-room couch. This is annoying to watch someone else do, no matter their choice of partner.
- Eat all your roommate's food. Enough said.
- Throw your clothes all over his/her side of the room. Dirty laundry is even better.
- Clip your toenails in their bed and make sure to leave the clippings there.
- Report anything they do which could be "against the rules" or something they would get in trouble for.
- Use their stuff without asking.
- Frequently interrupt them with questions which are plausible but still stupid enough to annoy them.
- Make a lot of noise in the morning while they are still sleeping. Slamming drawers, hunting around the room for items, and/or asking them if they've seen it are all good starts.
- Figure out the person's morning schedule, and then hop in the shower 5-10 minutes before they typically would. Stay in the shower until all the hot water has been used up.
- Stay up late in the bedroom and demand that the lights remain on.
- Avoid giving them any types of messages, i.e., missed phone calls. If they confront you about it, act genuinely sorry so they won't have reason to hate you. You may also wish to consider shredding mail addressed to them if it looks like a bill. (*Note: It is a crime to take a letter, package, postcard, or other item of mail from a Post Office, a mailbox of any kind, or from a postal carrier before the mail has been delivered, if you intend to prevent the mail from being delivered, pry into it, embezzle money, or destroy the mail.)
- Yell directly at them, they'll be annoyed.
- Go through their personal belongings. Wallets for example.
- Laugh and sing loud constantly.
- Have multiple alarms go off early in the morning, and make sure to take a very long time shutting them off. Then go back to bed once ordeal is done.
- Fart! Extra bonus if you take pride and sniff.
- Pretend to be your roommate when his girlfriend calls and be a jerk.
- Unplug devices from the wall--their computer charger, phone charger, toaster, etc. If approached, tell them that you are trying to conserve electricity.
- Lock the door to the apartment when you get in and don't unlock it for your roommates--even if you know they don't have their keys--even if they know you are home.
- Give the roommate the silent treatment. Don't say hi when you come into the room, turn your back and ignore them if they try to talk to you, and don't inform them when you are going to do something.
- If your roommate dislikes a certain kind of animal get it, or get an annoying dog that barks constantly.
- Cook yummy food for yourself and leave nothing for your roommate, even though you know he/she is starving.
- Buy a few hamsters and a cage with exercise wheels. They'll make lots of noise exercising at night (hamsters are nocturnal animals), which will annoy your roommate. And remember to buy your own ear plugs!
Tips
- If there are certain things your roommates hate, try those as well.
- Constantly ask to use their things.
- With step 11, some houses or apartments may have unlimited hot water, so check the hot water tank before doing that. In some cases, it may not work.
- Don't be a passive aggressive jerk (as in each of these 'tips') and either grow a pair and confront your roommate about what is bothering you, or move out yourself if you feel the relationship is not salvageable.
- Don't buy any animals if you're not going to look after them properly. Buying animals just to get your roommate to move out is a horrific idea, let alone not looking after them.
- If you know your roommate is afraid of certain kinds of bugs (or all), catch them and put them in their room. Make sure to somehow keep the bug inside the room ( i.e. shutting the door). If they ask you to catch the bug for them, deny the request.
- You can try painting their faces while they are sleeping.
- Play their least favorite song all the time really loud and sing along.
Warnings
- Tampering with their mail (shredding) is illegal and can have serious consequences.
- By doing this you may categorize yourself as a "Jerk". But that is the intention, after all!
- Your former roommate may tell future roommates about you. But if he is a complete annoying jerk, then it doesn't matter.
- Doing this makes you no better than your annoying roommate. However, fortunately you are not trying to be the "better person" -- you are simply trying to get your annoying roommate to move.
- This might get you kicked out, if you do not do them smart enough.
