Seduce a Young Adult
Young adults normally prefer romantic partners within a few years of their own age. But relationships between people of large age differences can be gratifying, symmetrical, empowering, and enlightening. If you're in your 30s or older, pursuing a partner who is about college-aged, here are some steps you can try to take someone through the entire process including getting them to the point where seduction can even be considered.
Contents
Steps
- Find the right partner. There are no easy ways to distinguish between likely and unlikely prospects (see "Tips" below), so avoid making assumptions based on first impressions. Seemingly inaccessible 18-to-21-year olds are often very interested in exploring an older partner, because their experiences with younger partners has been unsatisfying. Likewise, seemingly aroused and flirtatious teens might actually bear deeper moral perspectives that will ultimately stifle the relationship. Trust your instincts and proceed with calm confidence.
- Treat the object of your affection as though s/he were your own age. Young adults are accustomed to being condescended to - so much so, in fact, that being treated with respect and camaraderie will often impress them, and bring them to their full potential as adult communicators. Catch your love interest by surprise with admiration and acknowledgement, make him/her feel strong and important. The use of gifts can also be used to make him/her feel special and loved (e.g. flowers, stuffed toys, tickets to concerts, phone credit, gift cards etc)
- Be fun, happy, and easy to talk to like any normal human being trying to make friends. Don't appear fixated or pay too much attention. Don't try to isolate her/him from her surroundings or peers - this is a common mistake in seduction of any kind. Your goal is to empower, not disempower.
- Once the 18-to-21-year-old recognizes your unusual respect and admiration, his/her thought process will wander down one of several unfamiliar paths: S/he may see you as a means of much longed-for escape from a comparatively juvenile world. In that case, be a resource for maturity. Be a resource for honesty, self-expression, and clarity of intention. Let the teen empower you as well, showing your flaws. Be willing to give up authority. If you can't learn from this person, why are you wasting your time? Form a respectful, mutually-empowering friendship before moving forward.
- Alternatively, the teen may also find your respect frightening. Seem indifferent to the fear, being neither pushy nor stand-off-ish. Give space, but don't react overtly. People who are afraid deserve space.
- Suggest activities that the two of you can do together, that emphasize your shared traits and experiences. You are in a position to help them learn, expand their horizons and introduce them to experiences that may not be able to encounter with the help of someone with a little more maturity (and maybe money). Don't force them to do anything they have no interest at all in.
- Let them share their interests with you. Don't be afraid to something your peers might think you are too old for.
- After a friendship grows, your love interest may have difficulty spending one-on-one time with you. If s/he is afraid of her peers' or parents' judgment, act as though you understand. Remember, sexual desire is nothing to be ashamed of. But the best relationships are formed when sexual desire is expressed between people who are not afraid. You do NOT want to make a move on a fearful person.
- Be patient with the moral pressures that weigh on your love interest...show your disappointment but respect their moral concerns.
- Once you are spending time alone together, be attuned to your love interest. Does s/he amaze you? (If not, maybe you're in the wrong relationship.) How did s/he get to be so unique? Ask that question to yourself first, and then show that his or her uniqueness matters, by exploring it further. Be appreciative (but don't overdo it).
- At some point in the relationship, your love-interest will either pull closer or pull away. If s/he starts shortening your meetings, or resisting your meetings habitually, then move on. Resistance might not be expressed too well verbally, but don't push your love interest into an argument.
- If s/he starts something physical, like a tickle-fight, a massage, or even just prolonged eye contact, then make a small move.
- When you make your move, treat your teen like an adult. Refer to your love object as a man or woman. If your love object seems to want abundant physicality, then your move should be physical - a stroke of the hair or face, a clasp of hands.
- If s/he still seems physically uncertain, then stick to verbal compliments, telling him/her how you feel, and start conversations about what the feelings mean. Teens will want to explore this...if not in the moment, then soon. Don't be discouraged...showing that you're not discouraged (but still sensitive to the teen's needs for space and privacy) makes the relationship an inevitable object of curiosity. Patience prevails.
Tips
- Avoid flirting. Young adults are usually inexperienced with the nuances and innuendos of adult flirtation, and for this reason, playful or cryptic language can be scary.
- It's difficult, initially, to distinguish between a teen who wants to explore a complete sexual relationship, and one who simply wants to explore the power of flirtation. A few basic signs, early in your conversations, will help you know when to move on:
- If an 18-to-21-year-old flirts with a frightened look on his/her face, or often changes emotional directions, then this is just a small experiment, and it's not likely to be healthy. Be strong enough to rise above it.
- If an 18-to-21-year-old stays focused on learning more about you, and isn't afraid to speak his/her mind, then this is a long-term exploration. Be there, be serious, and match the energy. Most successful inter-generational sex occurs in situations where both partners have a sense of personal growth.
- It should go without saying -- and this is true of *all* seduction -- that before you begin these steps, remember your conscience. Seduce someone whose life could really be enriched by seduction. Don't seduce anyone whom you think might want something radically different than you, who will be hurt by that difference when the seduction is complete. Respect humanity.
- Direct, unashamed expressions, on the other hand, might seem to elicit shock or distrust at first, but these are part of a learning process. In many cases an apparently bewildered love-interest is actually quite flattered and smitten by your honesty.
Warnings
- Make sure they want to do what you are thinking of and are not just trying to please you. The difference in age is not nearly as important as clear communication. (There's no such thing as an immature relationship, but repressed relationships are common at all ages.)
- Even though relationships across adult age groups are legal and can be healthy, cultural stigmas are sometimes attached to these relationships. While wealthy bachelors are usually praised for being seen with early-20s models (or younger), middle- or lower-class men are frowned upon as opportunists and most women are often considered selfish, for pursuing similar pleasure. Hypocrisy abounds in sexual morality. Do your best to rise above it and educate people on the benefits of letting go of their pleasure-policing attitudes.
- Be sure to know the legal age of consent in the area you and the young adult live, so you do not get involved in an illegal sexual relationship. If you are involved in an illegal sexual relationship, stop. It is not worth the consequences. Remember that age of consent laws exist to prevent people whose age means that they are unlikely to be able to fully grasp and deal with the consequences of a sexual relationship from having an older person take advantage of them.
