Know if Mr.Right Isn't Really Mr.Right

Girls, how many times have you been in a relationship with a guy who you thought was the perfect man? How many times have you had to pick up the pieces of all your hopes and dreams for the future you were "supposed" to have with this person? Yeah, breaking up can be tough, but it can be tougher if you actually saw a future with this person. So here are a few tips on how to recognize the frogs "before" you actually kiss them.

Steps

  1. Know what you're looking for in a future husband and don't settle because he seems "okay." You don't want a man who's just okay, do you? No! You want Mr. Right! Start by making a list of good qualities that you want in a man, differences between you that you can work out, and deal breakers - the things you just can't live with. It's fine if he likes pizza and you don't, or if you think bowling is loads of excitement and he thinks it's a drag - these are activities you can share with other friends, but they aren't fundamental to the relationship. If you are religious and he's an all out atheist, it won't work. Love shouldn't be conditional, and it makes no sense changing who you are for someone else. Guys can be tricky and if you see particular qualities in them that don't add up with your original plan, dump him! It can only lead to heartbreak in the future. Allow yourself to turn back at the first signs of a shipwreck even if you like this guy a whole lot. It will be better for you in the long run if you can be strong enough very early on to realize that the differences you've already seen will mean the relationship is doomed.
  2. Don't stick around with a guy who is manipulative and controlling. He can say things like: "If you break up with me, you'll regret it, because no one can make you happier than me." or "If you won't have sex with me, then you don't love me as much as I love you." This person is officially a walking time bomb, and this is also a pretty good indication that he is immature and not ready for a relationship. Again, love should be unconditional. Your desire to spend a little time out with your girls one night of the month does not mean you don't love him enough. A guy who uses this phrase is someone you should run from immediately! Be your own person. "The oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow," said Khalil Gibran and, he was completely right. You have the right to remain the same person you always were, and if your man can't appreciate that, then he is not "Mr. Right." One.
  3. Beware of rushing into a relationship. Likewise, beware of being strung along with no commitment. If you met a guy this weekend in a club, and within a month or so, you guys are "together," it is likely to end just as quickly as it began. On the other hand, if you've been "talking" and going out with a guy for 6 months and he hasn't even brought up getting together, it's probably not going to happen. A guy who can't pull it together to call you his girlfriend after 6 months will probably still not be ready for marriage after 6 years!
  4. Trust yourself. If you're crazy about the man, but for some reason, your alarm bells tell you he isn't as crazy about you, trust your intuition. Be direct and ask him about his feelings. Tell him you are ready to settle down with him and ask if he feels the same way about you. If he can't or won't give you a straight answer, leave. Get out of the relationships and fast! It's a woman's instinct that allows her to tell when something is wrong. It doesn't make sense being in a relationship that isn't built on trust.
  5. Communicate. If a guy speaks to you too much about his past relationships and you feel uncomfortable with it, let him know it's bothering you. If he continues to talk about his ex, especially if she dumped him, then break it off. It's obvious to you that he needs time to think about whether he is really ready to move on.
  6. Don't rush into sex. Dating is the way we decide whether this person is right for us. Women tend to view sex as a very intimate act, while men aren't nearly as warm and fuzzy about it. No matter how gorgeous or perfect he seems to be in the first two to three months, you have to remind yourself that you really haven't had a chance to know him deeply. Wait until you really know this man before you share this very intimate part of yourself with him. If, after a month or two, it turns out that, gorgeous as he is, he's not Mr. Right, it will be much easier to let him go if you haven't been sleeping with him. If he pressures you before you are ready, dump him. You need a mature man who is willing to respect your wishes on this important subject.
  7. Recognize disrespect as a warning. A man who really loves you will never disrespect you in front of others, especially early in the relationship. While gentle teasing is acceptable, ragging on your flat chest, calling attention to the fact that you've gained a few pounds, or making you the butt of his jokes should be a warning to you. A man in love will not only never disrespect you himself, but he won't stand for others saying rude things to you or about you. If you really want that knight in shining armor, don't accept a neanderthal who doesn't know how to treat a woman. This extends to his treatment of your friends> If he's calling your best friend an "ugly ho" or some other nonsense, that is disrespectful. Tell him so, and insist he behave in a respectful manner where you and your loved ones are concerned. The same goes for you - don't take advantage of him by making pointed comments about him, either. Verbal abuse is still abuse, and girls can do it to guys just as easily as guys can do it to girls.
  8. Examine his relationship with his mother. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his her, and his whole family. If he's too attached, he's a mama's boy and you'll have to deal with his mom as long as you're together. If he's dismissive or rude to her, he's going to be that way with you. If he idolizes her, beware. You will find yourself trying to live up to that goal that was set by his mother, and that is not only stressful, but impossible. It's about finding the perfect medium, a guy who looks after his mother but doesn't worship or depend on her fully - and by fully, that means things like housing, rent money, food money, car and clothes.

Tips

  • Remember it's important to know who you are before you decide to look for Mr. Right. If you find that you're kissing far too many frogs, take a break and spend sometime putting yourself into focus. A breakup is rarely one person's fault, but sometimes it's good to think back on what you did wrong to find out how you can do better in the future.
  • If a guy suddenly stops calling as much as he did and stops fussing over you or wanting to go out, he has lost interest. Don't waste your time crying over spilled milk or trying to reason him back into the feeling the way he once did. Call and let him know you've moved on but most of all be strong and resolute. Show no weakness, you can cry it off later when he can't see or hear.
  • Everyone out there has a soul mate and there's someone who will love you unconditionally. Be patient and love will come from some unexpected place when you least expect it to.
  • Remember men and women think differently, and relationships call for compromise. There's an important distinction, however, between compromising on the details of a relationship, like whether to have pizza or Chinese food, and compromising your values and beliefs. Pizza is one thing, your faith, integrity, and values are another.
  • Think about all the times he made you cry in comparison to how he made you laugh. Did you really forget about how he hit you, cheated on you, betrayed you, than abandoned you? Think about it, and that gives you a view of what your future would have been with him.
  • When you decide to break it off with a guy, be humane and tactful. Even if you think he's a loser, don't tell him that. Say that you aren't ready for a committed relationship, or you don't think it's a good fit. Remember, what you do comes back to you and don't be harsh. You don't have to give a dissertation on it, but giving him some reason is better than just breaking it off without explanation.
  • If you're having a very difficult time finding Mr. Right, try evaluating yourself. Do you have impossibly high standards? Do you treat your boyfriends well or disrespect/manipulate them? If so, you may need to regroup and take things more slowly.

Warnings

  • If you decide to end it with a guy, do not let him try to stop you or change your mind. It's your decision to make. Watch out for charmers, flatterers and/or sweet-talkers. These are the worst kind or men who prey on women with low-self-esteem by thoughtlessly giving idle compliments.
  • If the man in question makes threats or gets physically violent, call emergency services!

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