Know if You're in a Rebound Relationship

Ending a relationship requires healing and closure afterward. Have you truly moved on from your last relationship? Or is this new partner a rebound? Being ready for the next partner is not always easy, because you're emotionally frazzled. Do a few self-checks to determine if you're relationship is real, or if it's just a rebound.

Steps

Moving on too Quickly

  1. Determine if the breakup was recent. If the breakup was just a few days or weeks ago, there may not have been ample time to mourn or get used to being single. [1] Consider the length of the relationship, and ensure the grieving period is similar in length. The longer the relationship, the more time you'll likely need to recover.
  2. See if your friends and family are shocked about your new relationship. If your closest friends and family, who know you better than anyone, have huge eyes and open mouths when they find out you have a new love interest, it’s probably a sign you moved on fairly quickly. It may also be a sign they think you’re most likely still reeling from the breakup, and you aren’t ready for a new relationship. [2][1]
  3. Ask yourself if love is coming too easily. Are you feeling deep love right away? Do you feel like you skipped the “like-stage” of relationships? If you feel like you’re madly in love with your new partner after only a date or two, it may be a rebound situation.
    • You feel the urge to say, “I love you” right away.
    • Every email and note has the “Love” as your closing line.
    • You commit to loving your new partner before learning about them. [3]
  4. Slow your sex-drive. If the attraction is primarily sexual, and there is little to no other content to the new relationship, it’s a possible sign of a rebound. Intimacy is often used as a method to get over a breakup. [4] Look for a few of the following sexual signs that may point to a rebound relationship:
    • Sex is frequent. While it’s possible to have a healthy relationship with plenty of sex, rebound relationships often focus primarily on the sexual aspects of a relationship.
    • Sex is used as distraction. If sex with your new partner is the outcome whenever the pain of the previous breakup is on your mind, the sign of a rebound relationship is there. [3]
    • Sex is used as an emotional crutch. Many people in rebound relationships use sex as a way to avoid the emotional feelings they harbor. Deep discussions and emotions are brought up, and summarily avoided in favor of sex. [2]

Obsessing Over Your Ex

  1. Check your bitterness. Comments about your ex while with your new partner are a good sign of an incomplete breakup. Negative energy related to your ex, or constant comparisons to your ex, means you are upset about the breakup, and focusing more on it than the new relationship.
    • Constant comments about your ex, like derogatory gripes about the entire sex, are a good sign you haven’t let go. [2]
    • Aggressively bitter comments about your ex are an even clearer sign you’re not over the past. Your new relationship isn’t getting an even share of attention. [3]
  2. Stop comparing your new partner to your ex. When you look for your ex in your new partner, it’s a sure sign you have looked for a replacement rather than a new love. Constant thoughts or comments of the attributes that drew you to your ex show, an unwillingness to embrace the new partner’s qualities. [1] A few examples follow:
    • ”Your hair looks just like my ex’s hair. It’s the same style and color.”
    • ”I can’t believe you like the cooking shows. My ex likes the same ones.”
    • ”I’m so glad you don’t have a cat. The cat my ex had was so ugly.”[2]
  3. Judge whether or not the breakup shocked you. If the end of your last relationship was completely out of the blue, caught you completely by surprise, then your current relationship may be a rebound.
    • Relationships that are troubled for longer periods have more time to wind down. Abrupt breakups often require longer periods before new relationships are healthy.
    • Sudden breakups require more time to mourn, because the shock is difficult to accept.
    • Commitment is more difficult in a new relationship when the previous breakup was unforeseen. [3]
  4. Stop fixating on your ex. Everyone has met the recently broken up person who can steer any conversation or topic into their previous relationship, the former love of their life. That person is generally irritating, and if in a new relationship, likely on the rebound.
    • If you constantly talk about the pain of the past relationship with your current partner, it’s likely a rebound relationship.
    • Using your new partner’s shoulder to cry into is not a great sign for the current relationship.
    • When you’re spending more time talking about the problems with your ex, and figuring out how to fix your broken heart, the new partner is nothing more than a sounding board rebound relationship. [3]
  5. See if you’re still friends with your ex. Plain and simple, if you’re still real good friends with your ex, it’s likely you don’t want to let go of the ex, and the new partner is a rebound. [1] Check a few of the following items to determine whether or not you’ve officially made the separation:
    • Being friends on social media, or still officially “in a relationship,” are sure-fire signs you’re not over the previous relationship. [2]
    • Pictures of you and your ex all over your house are constant reminders of the previous relationship, and a hope that you’ll reconnect with your ex.[3]
    • Do you have your ex’s favorite movie? Are you wearing his old sweatshirt? Do you keep her old perfume bottle in the medicine cabinet? If the answer is ‘yes’ to any of these questions, or those related, you’ve likely not let go.[2]

Evaluating the New Love Interest

  1. Make a list of common interests. Successful relationships should have multiple common interests between partners. You may not have everything in common, but it’s difficult to grow a relationship when interests are dissimilar.[3]
    • If you can't find many common interests, you may be more eager to be in a relationship than you are excited about the new partner. If the relationship itself is the connection, that's a rebound sign.[2]
    • If one of your common interest check-marks isn't attraction, be cautious. Rebound relationships often stem from a fear of being alone, rather than actual attraction. If you’re not really into the other person, the relationship may just be a comforting technique. [4]
  2. Determine if you’re keeping it casual. Casual relationships are missing the true connection and depth of a meaningful relationship. If you feel like you are genuinely using the new partner instead of actually forming a relationship, it’s very probable you don’t want to risk new heartbreak, and the relationship is casual. [1]
    • Oftentimes, a rebound relationship is used as a bridge to get over emotional issues, and to make it from one serious relationship to another. [4]
  3. Don't act like a comfortable old couple. If you and your partner are in a routine like a couple that has been together for years, you may be attempting to replace the normalcy of your previous relationship. You want to do some of the common things you and your previous partner did instead of the normal dating process. A few potential activities of established relationships are as follows: [1]
    • Binge-watching a series on Netflix
    • Talking about the ideal home together
    • Discussing future, mutual finances[3]

Recognizing If You Are Avoiding an Emotional Connection

  1. Check your moodiness. If you are constantly hot and cold, it could be a sign of lingering feelings for your past relationship. It could also be a sign of commitment issues. Either way, constant attitude changes, or out of nowhere outbursts, point towards a possible avoidance of emotional connection.[4]
  2. Analyze if you’re avoiding discussing deeper feelings. When the discussion with your new partner turns towards something other than the trivial, do you do whatever you can to avoid the conversation? If emotion is constantly being dismissed or misdirected, you may be in a rebound relationship. [1]
  3. Determine if you’re newly commitment-phobic. When leaving a relationship, and jumping into another one, there could be cautiousness about committing too quickly. Being commitment-phobic may just be a way of getting used to being single, or keeping options open.[2]

Determining If You Are Changing Your Daily Life and Behavior

  1. Keep your daily routine consistent. If you are finding your new schedule is ever-changing, and nothing is familiar, then you may be adjusting your life around your new partner. Look for a few of the following tell-tale signs:
    • You haven’t talked to your best friend in a long time. If you don’t know what your best friend is up to, what their latest news is, you’re definitely placing the new partner first.
    • Normal hobbies are being put on the back burner. Did you miss poker night or ladies night? Ask yourself if your time with friends has been sacrificed.
    • If you’ve skipped a family meal or get together for a new flame, chances are you’re altering your daily life for them. [3]
  2. Steady your attitude and behavior. If you have been really moody lately, or have been easily upset, it’s understandable after a breakup. If this has affected your daily life, however, enough that everyone is noticing, then you’ve likely changed emotionally. [3]
    • Create some alone-time in your schedule. Find time to just relax and steady your nerves. If you can't change your attitude and be happy about your new partner, that's not a good relationship sign.
    • Repeat positive affirmations daily. Each day you tell yourself why you are happy with your partner. If convincing yourself proves difficult, the relationship may just be a rebound.
  3. Avoid dating your best friend. No matter what sappy romance movies tell you about the great love that’s been sitting under your nose the entire time, jumping straight out of a breakup into a relationship with a very good friend is a likely sign of a rebound relationship. Immediately reaching out to date your best friend is not the best solution, it's just the easiest.
    • You run the additional risk of ruining the friendship if the relationship doesn't work out.
    • Dating a good friend allows the uncomfortable stage of a relationship to be skipped.
    • Romance and intimacy happens more quickly when the friendship is already established.[1]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 1.7 http://slism.com/girlstalk/are-you-in-a-rebound-relationship-8-signs-you-are-his-rebound.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/4-signs-youre-a-rebound/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 3.5 3.6 3.7 3.8 3.9 http://www.self.com/wellness/relationships/2015/12/14-undeniable-signs-youre-someones-rebound/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14168/how-to-know-if-its-a-rebound-or-real-love.html
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