Lead a Heterosexual Lifestyle if You Are Gay

This article is not about changing your sexual orientation - it is about changing the degree to which you express your sexual orientation. Ideally, people would feel comfortable being themselves and expressing their desires; unfortunately, some people don't feel comfortable doing so. They may feel that being accepted is more important than being true to themselves - and such circumstances might make information on how to lead a lifestyle that is not congruent with one's sexual orientation useful to them. It may not be a healthy or wise thing to do because it's emotionally traumatizing to not be yourself (see Warnings below), but if you feel it is necessary to conform to a heterosexual appearance or lifestyle nonetheless, here are some suggestions and thoughts.

Steps

1. Understand that this is a very difficult decision. It results from a conflict of how you feel on the inside versus what you face on the outside. Some cultures and communities are more accepting of minority sexual orientations than others. Do not expect it to be an easy choice - it will likely be one that you struggle with for the rest of your life.
2. Consider alternatives. Pursuing a heterosexual lifestyle or a homosexual lifestyle are not your only options. Have you considered moving to a different area, perhaps one that would be more accepting of your orientation? Also, remember that you don't have to abandon the non-sexual aspects of a heterosexual lifestyle because of your orientation. There are gay and bisexual men and women in all walks of life. There are many people who keep their sexual lives private and who are respected nonetheless for their achievements that have nothing to do with their orientation.
3. Hear both sides of the argument. Most people live normal and happy lives as homosexuals once they have stopped living as a heterosexual. At the same time, for different reasons, some "former" homosexuals have lived happy lives as heterosexuals.
4. Contact a local ex-gay referral group. Ex-gay can refer to someone who used to lead a homosexual lifestyle, but no longer does. There may be support groups with ministers, counsellors and churches in your area who really understand your desire to change the way you live your life.
5. Find a supportive community. You will need help along the way from friends who know about your struggle and can support you in it. Read stories about those who have chosen this path and testimonials from those who have had success. Attend a support group for those who struggle with same-sex attraction.

Tips

• There is nothing wrong with being heterosexual nor is there anything wrong with being homosexual. Whether you stay homosexual or you change your sexual practices, be proud of who you really are.
• When talking with heterosexual friends or family members, it's sometimes tough to help them understand this, because they have no frame of reference for your experience. Try to encourage others to see your sexual orientation in the same way as they see the colour of your eyes - it is something you were born with and did not choose. It is something that is simply a part of your being, and not something you can change. There isn't any need to - being gay is just another way of being; there is nothing wrong with you at all. Your journey in the scope of this article involves deciding how you express your natural orientation, in much the same way that some people choose to get fake eye contacts - the decision is yours.
• If anyone tries to force an opinion on you that you do not agree with, such that your desires themselves are unnatural, sinful or symptoms of a mental disorder, look elsewhere for support.
  
  
  • The American Psychiatric Association removed the term "homosexuality" from the list of mental and emotional disorders in 1973;
  • The Chinese Society of Psychiatry declassified homosexuality from the Chinese Classification of Mental Disorders (CCMD-III) in 2000.
  • Japan's psychiatric body removed homosexuality from its list of psychiatric disorders in 1995.
  • The World Health Organization states in the 10^th revision of the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems that '"sexual orientation by itself is not to be regarded as a disorder".

Warnings

• Know that the recidivism rate is staggering. There are numerous documented cases of people who have tried to "become heterosexual" only to return to identifying as their original orientation.
• Reparative therapy is considered by reputable organizations to do more harm than good.
  
  
  • The American Medical Association states in its policy number H-160.991, that it "opposes the use of 'reparative' or 'conversion' therapy that is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a prior assumption that the patient should change his or her homosexual orientation".
  • The American Psychiatric Association is opposed to reparative therapy, stating in 1998 that "homosexuality is not a diagnosable mental disorder. Recent publicized efforts to pathologize homosexuality by claiming that it can be cured are often guided not by rigorous scientific or psychiatric research, but sometimes by religious and political forces opposed to full civil rights for gay men and lesbians". The Association also states that "the potential risks of reparative therapy are great, including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient".
  • The American Psychological Association stated in 1990 that scientific evidence shows that reparative therapy does not work and that it can do more harm than good.
  • The General Assembly of the Norwegian Psychiatric Association voted "overwhelmingly" for the following position statement on "conversion therapy" in 2000 that "Homosexuality is no disorder or illness, and can therefore not be subject to treatment. A 'treatment' with the only aim of changing sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual must be regarded as ethical malpractice, and has no place in the health system".
  • The Royal College of Psychiatrists (UK and Ireland) issued a report stating that "evidence shows that LGB people are open to seeking help for mental health problems. However, they may be misunderstood by therapists who regard their homosexuality as the root cause of any presenting problem such as depression or anxiety. Unfortunately, therapists who behave in this way are likely to cause considerable distress. A small minority of therapists will even go so far as to attempt to change their client's sexual orientation. This can be deeply damaging. Although there is now a number of therapists and organisation in the USA and in the UK that claim that therapy can help homosexuals to become heterosexual, there is no evidence that such change is possible" The report also stated that "we know from historical evidence that treatments to change sexual orientation that were common in the 1960s and 1970s were very damaging to those patients who underwent them and affected no change in their sexual orientation".
• Remember that you didn't choose your sexual orientation, and attempts to change it are usually painful and pointless in the end. This is a risk you are choosing to take, and may result in emotional discord. Make sure this is a price you're willing to pay, and do not make the decision lightly.
  
  
  • The U.S. Surgeon General asserted in 2001 in its call to action to promote sexual health and responsible sexual behavior that "sexual orientation is usually determined by adolescence, if not earlier, and there is no valid scientific evidence that sexual orientation can be changed. Nonetheless, our culture often stigmatizes homosexual behavior, identity and relationships. These anti-homosexual attitudes are associated with psychological distress for homosexual persons and may have a negative impact on mental health, including a greater incidence of depression and suicide, lower self-acceptance and a greater likelihood of hiding sexual orientation".

Related Articles

• Know if You Are Gay
• Accept That You Are Gay
• Come Out As Gay or Lesbian
• Come Out As a Gay or Lesbian Teen
• Defend Traditional Marriage
• Learn to Accept a Gay Marriage
• Accept That Your Child is Homosexual or Bisexual
• Accept a Close Friend's Sexual Orientation
• Help Gays to Express Themselves Freely in Society

Sources and Citations

See also

• Deal with Homophobia at Work
• Figure Out Whether or Not You Are a Lesbian
• Be a Lesbian
• Accept That You Are Gay
• Know if You Are Heterosexual
• Get a Girl to Kiss You if You Are a Girl
• Accept Yourself As Bisexual
• Stop Using the Word "Gay" Inappropriately
• Be an Openly Gay Christian
• Understand Gay and Lesbian People

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