Defend Traditional Marriage

Marriage. The very word creates tension whether it is an engaged couple planning their wedding or a group of lawmakers arguing in the statehouse. If you support traditional marriage, a marriage between Help Children Learn Conservative Christian Values, it is important to know how to deal with this tension and defend your beliefs when confronted.

Steps

Defining Your Beliefs

  1. Ask yourself what you're "defending" marriage from. What is putting marriage in danger? Where is the threat coming from? Is it an actual threat, or are you just feeling confused because times are changing?
    • LGBT+ people aren't trying to ruin or take away your marriage. They just want the right to marry each other.
  2. Recognize that personal religion or disgust does not mean you can control other people. Your personal preferences and religious beliefs are personal. You can use them to guide your life, but that doesn't mean you can impose them on others. They have the freedom to pursue their own religion and preferences, whatever that means for them.
    • Personal disgust is personal. Let's say that you love anchovies, but your friend Shelby thinks they are gross. You go to a pizza place. You order anchovies on your slice, but Shelby says "Don't! It's an abomination!" and starts calling you names. Shelby's behavior would be inappropriate, because she would be imposing her personal preferences on someone else.
    • Your religious beliefs apply to you, not to everyone around you. Perhaps you have a Muslim friend over, and you decide to make bacon because you are hungry. It would be wrong of your friend to criticize you or try to take away your bacon. If bacon is against their religion, they don't have to eat it.

Discussing Marriage

  1. Always be respectful and kind to LGBT+ people. LGBT+ people are usually good people, who have suffered mistreatment at the hands of others. Don't be yet another person who treats them badly.
    • If you're Christian, show it by extending God's love towards other people. Jesus ate with sex workers and tax collectors (who were often corrupt) without judging or criticizing them. He was simply kind to them. Similarly, you should be kind to LGBT+ people, who are often oppressed and ostracized by people around them.
    • If you start saying awful things about LGBT+ people, then don't be surprised if people react negatively and stop trusting you.
  2. Be kind to people who don't come from "perfect" nuclear families. Not every child gets to have a father and a mother, and not all man/woman couples are able to have children. This doesn't mean that their families are less special or loving.
    • Just because one or both people in a marriage are infertile doesn't mean that their marriage is less special. Their love is important too. And if they want children, they can adopt, use a surrogate, or use other means to become loving parents.
    • Widows and widowers can be good at raising children.
  3. Avoid comparisons to pedophiles and bestiality. When two men or two women fall in love, they are consenting adults who understand what they are doing. Pedophiles prey on children who are unable to say "no" or understand sexual acts. Animals do not talk, and they have no hands with which to sign a marriage document. If you use these comparisons, you'll sound foolish, and you might gross people out.
  4. Encourage people to think before entering a marriage. Rushing into a marriage may lead to discontent and divorce, which isn't good for anyone. Encourage people to take their time, and spend plenty of time dating and getting to know each other well.
  5. Protest any practice of allowing teenagers to marry. Teens' brains are not fully developed yet, and they don't understand themselves well enough to know who they are or what they want out of a marriage. It's important for people to only marry once they fully understand themselves and their partners, so they're less likely to marry the wrong person.
    • Encourage teens to wait until they have had time to live on their own, and gotten used to taking care for themselves. That way, they'll better understand their own wants and needs, and can better know what they want from their partner.
  6. Take action against domestic abuse. Domestic abuse can trap men and women in loveless, terrifying situations, whether they are married or not. There's nothing sanctified about this.
  7. Advocate for affordable, accessible opportunities for marital and premarital counseling. When there are problems in a relationship, people should have options to help them work it out together.

Tips

  • Always respect everyone (avoid incivility), no matter what race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, or anything else they are.
  • Be willing to accept that your friend has a different opinion than you. It's okay. You can still be friends.
  • Always think before you judge.
  • Don't accuse the other person of lacking family values, or not valuing tradition. That may not be the case and may invalidate your argument for them. They may disagree because of different or partial information.
  • Try to focus on areas of agreement to remain friends, even if you never arrive at an agreement about traditional marriage.
  • Be sure you know what you are arguing. Know the difference between a marriage and a civil union for tax and partner death benefits.
  • Just as you're trying to change their point of view, be aware of the possibility that something they say may influence your conceptions.
  • Excluding any of the other groups to marry besides heterosexuals, could discriminate against others that wish to marry (but that may be your idea of defending traditional marriage).
  • The discussion or debate should not involve yelling. Yelling means tempers are flaring and people are more likely to make irrational decisions. It also tells the other party that you have exhausted logic and have resorted to emotional outbursts.

Warnings

  • Be wary that when arguing any point, you may be wrong, but realize that this is okay for anyone, just be as accurate and honest as you can.
  • If you speak cruelly about LGBT+ people, don't be surprised if you lose friends and have your reputation affected. Nobody likes a jerk.
  • Avoid over dependence on "slippery slope" and other logical patterns as your reason. Use your on values and beliefs, not abstract philosophies.
  • The other person might not agree with you no matter what you say. That's okay. Agree to disagree. The important thing is that you can have a discussion on a controversial topic without disrespecting each other in hate or wanting to hurt someone.

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