Make a Guy Feel Manly

Rightly or wrongly, gender roles are still with us. Even the most modern guy who is “above all that” can sometimes feel emasculated in today’s culture. Thankfully, it’s possible to give his male ego a little boost without completely reverting to an era of chauvinism! By combining your choice of a few small steps to meet his needs, you can make your guy feel like a true man and lift his self-esteem.

Steps

Boosting His Sense of Masculinity Directly

1. Allow him be the muscle. When heavy lifting needs to be done or a stubborn jar lid won’t open, ask your fella for help. Bolster his self-confidence by demonstrating that you think of him as physically adept. Compliment his strength when he pulls off a feat. Admire his muscles, even if he isn’t the most strapping guy ever (or even as strong as you).
   • If he seems like he is a little down and could use an ego boost, ask him for help even if you could accomplish the task on your own.
   • Be careful not to overdo it to the point of making him feel like he is little more than a 24-hour laborer.
2. Let him be your bodyguard. Indulge his instinct to shield you from danger. Ask him to investigate that strange bump in the night rather than do it yourself, or allow him to stand between you and that shifty-looking character on the sidewalk. Apply the same technique even when the danger isn’t real, such as grabbing his hand or burying your face into his shoulder when you watch a scary movie.
   • Show him that you think of him as your protector by giving him a home-defense tool for his birthday or a holiday, like a knife, Mac light, or a slingshot with ball bearings.
3. Appeal to his desire to be a leader. Avoid planning every aspect of your lives without including him. When decisions need to be made, either make them a joint project, split them evenly between yourselves, or use a combo of the two techniques. When a decision is yours to make, ask him for his input so that he at least feels heard, even if you end up deciding on a different course of action.
   • Definitely include him on decisions that are potentially life-altering for the both of you, such as changing jobs or spending significant sums of shared money.
   • Make him feel influential by involving him in small decisions too, like grocery shopping or planning routes when you both go driving.
   • For your own well-being (as well as his), don’t cede decision-making entirely to him.
4. Consult his expertise. Refer to him about subjects in which he is well versed. Make him feel like an authority. Even if he isn’t the absolute authority on a particular subject, ask for his help in areas where he has experience. If his self-esteem needs a little shot in the arm, play dumb about topics that he really enjoys so he can display his knowledge.
   • Appeal to his know-how for tasks that need to be done. These could be projects in which he could assist you directly (like at-home projects such as painting, carpentry, or fixing the car) or other endeavors where his advice would be helpful (like planning a trip to a city or country that he is familiar with).
   • Ask for explanations about his hobbies or interests, whether it's about the official rules of basketball or who the heck the Dominion is in Star Trek.
5. Make him feel attractive. Compliment his looks. Emphasize those aspects that make him feel manly. Ogle him with your eyes when you find him particularly striking. Boost his ego even more by pointing out when others do the same.
   • Don’t limit your compliments to generalities, like “You look great.” Specify how that three-piece tailored suits makes him look like “a man to be dealt with,” or how his stubble makes him look “so rough and tumble.”
   • Back your compliments up with body language. Whistle in admiration. Pause to eye him from head to toe and back again. Bite your bottom lip as you eat him up with your eyes.

Making Him Feel like a Man Indirectly

1. Share his manly deeds with others. Reinforce his masculine image by spotlighting it in conversation with your friends and family. Boast about his accomplishments. Praise his knowledge, skills, and contributions. Refer others to his expertise so that he feels valued.
   • Be careful to stop short of overkill so that you don't embarrass him or make it seem too much like a campaign. Raise the topic when appropriate, rather than forcing it. Mention his achievements offhandedly, as if they were a given.
2. Avoid subverting him in front of people. Don’t call attention to his weaknesses in the presence of others. Even if he displays a good sense of humor about his shortcomings when the two of you are alone, appreciate that he may be more sensitive when you are in public. Preserve his sense of self-respect. Resist the urge to correct him needlessly.
   • If he makes a mistake that is inconsequential, leave it unmentioned. For example, let it go if he gets a minor plot point wrong when describing a movie.
   • If it is consequential but doesn’t need to be addressed immediately, wait until you are alone to bring it up. Don't embarrass him by calling him out for, say, being twenty minutes late in meeting you and your party at a restaurant. If his frequent tardiness is an issue, bring it up later, when he will be more receptive.
   • If it does need to be addressed this minute, do so gently. Let's say he gives someone the wrong street directions. Ask him, “Wouldn’t that take them to Maple Street instead of Elm Street?” instead of saying, “That would take them to Maple Street, dummy.”
3. Accentuate your femininity. Highlight his masculinity by bringing your girliness to the fore. Add feminine touches to your daily appearance. Make his manly features more stark in contrast. At the same time, boost his pride in having such a striking lady in his life.
   • Make a point of going all-out for date nights and special occasions. Style your hair. Apply makeup. Wear jewelry, dresses, and chic shoes.
   • Use small touches on a day-to-day basis. Opt for pink sneakers instead of black. Wear pj’s dotted with hearts instead of regular old sweatpants. Treat yourself to some nice underwear and save the more basic stuff for laundry day.
   • If you gravitate toward more gender-neutral colors (like black) or apparel (such as jeans), pick clothing that has a distinctly feminine cut to compensate.
4. Make him feel like a man in bed. Subtly alter your routine so that your gender roles are more pronounced during sex. Appeal to his desire to lead and dominate on occasion. Resist the urge to switch positions or move on to new acts just because you feel the whim. Instead, grant him the occasional romp where he gets to direct the course of action.
   • Stoke his ego even more by allowing yourself to lose your self-control, too. Gasp, grunt, groan, and/or curse like a sailor, whichever comes naturally.
   • Encourage him with body language and exclamations when he is doing something right. Build his self-confidence and make it more likely that you'll be just as satisfied on nights when he's in control.
   • Surprise him by wearing some distinctly feminine lingerie. Ask him to dress up in turn with his best suit.
   • Suggest roleplaying scenarios with stark gender roles, like plumber/housewife or jock/cheerleader.

Understanding His Needs

1. Respect his tunnel vision. Understand that men are wired to focus on one thing at a time. Appreciate the likelihood that he will likely some difficulty in leaping from one topic to the next if there is no obvious segue between them. Rather than fault him for it, adapt your approach when you ask him to juggle more than one thing at a time. Communicate effectively while preserving his self-esteem.
   • If you approach him while he is working on something, ask him when he plans on taking a break so you can talk to him then. This way his focus will be on your conversation, rather than the task at hand.
   • If you request that he accomplish multiple tasks simultaneously, allow him to come up with his own schedule (or work together to arrive at one that works for both of you). This way he should be better able to apply his singular focus to each task in turn.
   • Rather than ask him to engage in a whole bunch of new activities at once (like, say, ballroom dancing on Friday night, bowling on Saturday night, and kayaking on Sunday), suggest trying them as a series, one after the other (learning to dance this winter, bowling in the spring, and kayaking next summer).
2. Allow him space. Resist the urge to feel offended if he wants to spend some time away from you on a regular basis. Understand that, at some level, men tend to evaluate all of their relationships as a contest for power. Expect them to look forward to disengaging from this mindset at the end of their school- or work-day.
   • Establish a routine that allows him some time by himself, if only a half-hour. If the demands at home do not allow this on a daily basis, grant him some free time on the weekends to recharge.
   • If you live together, cede some physical space to him as well. Allow him to control the decor and functionality of at least one room to make it his. Failing that, designate a portion of one or more rooms to call his own.
3. Support his efforts and dreams. Expect him to take his life’s direction to heart, either positively or negatively. Understand that, even if he thoroughly enjoys your relationship, he may still feel depressed if his personal ambitions suffer from it. Be aware that this failure to succeed in other areas of life may lead him to believe that he is unworthy toward you, even if you consider him to be a godsend.
   • Thank him through words and actions for his contributions to your life. Show him that you recognize any sacrifices that he has made on your behalf. Validate his time spent at a job or in a city that he doesn’t particularly like so that he thinks of it as a challenge met rather than a sign of failure.
   • Be open to making sacrifices of your own in turn. If he proposes making a change in his life in order to achieve some relevance, hear him out, even if it means facing other changes that you would rather do without. Weigh the long-term benefits of his improved sense of self versus any short-term setbacks, such as reduced pay or less time spent together.

Related Articles

• Be Manly
• Show a Guy That You Like Him
• Be Close Friends With the Guy You Like
• Act Around a Guy You Like

Sources and Citations

See also

• Touch a Girl
• Be a Good Boyfriend in Middle School
• Act Silly with Your Boyfriend
• Be Romantic with Your Boyfriend
• Have a Good Relationship in Middle School(Girls)
• Be a Good Girlfriend as a Teen
• Not Lose Your Girlfriend
• Make Your Relationship Work
• Buy a Gift for Your Boyfriend
• Make Your Girlfriend Happy

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