Overcome Shyness With Your Boyfriend as a Teenager
Being shy as a teenager is normal, as is a little shyness at the beginning of your relationship when everything is so exhilarating and a little scary! These nerves can often be put down to neither party having much prior experience of relationships and a mutual uncertainty about what steps to take. It can also be tough to judge the comfort level of your partner and you might be worried that you could scare them off! Bring some confidence to the table and overcome your shyness with these steps!
Steps
- Develop your own self-confidence and self-esteem. You have to remember you are beautiful and you are the only person that can see imperfections within yourself. Your boyfriend might love something you don't like about yourself! Freckles, dimples, childlike giggle, curly hair, pale skin, dark skin - guys like some or all of these features so don't be shy with your boyfriend about the things that make you you. Remember that your partner chose to go out with you!
- Lacking self-confidence is an experience that every teenager deals with at some stage. Show empathy by offering genuine compliments to your boyfriend or girlfriend. You never know, you might get a few in return!
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend should not criticise you for your appearance or abilities. They may be teasing you because they think it is funny but, if they are hurting your feelings, gently let them know in private that they are taking it too far or doing it too often and that it damages your confidence. However, if you do this and they make no effort to change their behaviour, or if they criticise you in order to make you feel bad about yourself, they are bullying you. This is not the behaviour of a good boyfriend or girlfriend and you should not continue to date someone mean like this.
- Get to know the guy or girl you like as a friend. You don't need to rush into going out with one another; especially if this is your first time dating someone, don't worry if you need some time to get to know one another before you decide to go out together.
- If you decide that you really like this guy or girl as a friend but you don't want to go out with them, either right now or ever, that's OK. Let them know that you like them but you don't want a boyfriend or a girlfriend right now. You don't have to go out with someone just because they want to go out with you!
- Ease yourself into spending time together. While you get to know one another, hang around together with some other friends; even standing near him can be enough to make you feel butterflies in your tummy! You don't have to be draped all over each other all the time.
- Sometimes, if it's really early in the relationship and you are both in your lower teens, you may be too shy to approach your boyfriend. That's OK; just be calm and sensible when you see him and try to say hi, in a friendly way. Don't be put off if he doesn't answer, he might be feeling shy too, especially if he is with some immature buddies.
- Choose structured activities to do together, allowing you to focus on the activity and not just on one another! You might like to go to the cinema together, get a pizza or go to watch a game. You'll feel much less embarrassed if you can talk about the film, instead of trying to come up with loads of cool and clever conversation starters!
- It could be a sign that you are not ready for a boyfriend if you are so shy you cannot make a move for yourself or if you need back up from friends just to talk to your boyfriend.
- Let your friends help you. Hang out with your friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend and his or her friends. This way, there is less pressure to constantly talk to your partner and you'll feel more relaxed.
- Don't be annoyed if friends try to push you together with your boyfriend or girlfriend - they are just trying to help you.
- Take the relationship slowly. Don't let your friends or your boyfriend force you into kissing or into anything that you don't want to do. Don't take dares you are not comfortable with just to be cool.
- Sometimes, it can be hard to decide if you are just nervous about trying something new or if you really don't want to do something - especially if your boyfriend, girlfriend or friends are telling you that you are chicken if you don't do it! Try talking about it with someone a little bit older who you trust - if that sounds way too embarrassing, then you're probably not ready to do whatever it is just yet.
- Everyone tries different things at different ages. Don't feel embarrassed if your friends have tried something that you don't want to try, now or ever. That's okay, it doesn't make you any less mature or any less grown up.
- Embrace your nervousness. The scary nerves will go away eventually, once you get used to spending time with him or her! Remember, little butterflies in your stomach are a good thing; that's a sign that you like him or her.
- Don't allow your boyfriend or girlfriend to intimidate you. If you feel shy around your boyfriend because his behaviour, or the way his friends act, intimidates or upsets you, think about if you really want a guy like that as your boyfriend. A boyfriend doesn't order his girlfriend around, insult her, make her do things or take things from her she doesn't want to give. That's the behaviour of a bully, not a boyfriend.
