Start a Conversation With a Girl

Women can be mysterious, intimidating creatures, but they don't have to be. This article will take the mystery of starting a conversation with a girl, and give you tips and points on what to say and how to act.

10 Second Summary

1. If you want to be casual, introduce yourself. Talk about work, pop culture, etc.
2. Start friendly conversations by mentioning a common friend. Talk about shared experiences.
3. If you want to flirt, start with a compliment or a pick-up line.
4. Remember to project confidence, make eye contact, and to smile.

Steps

Casual Conversation

  1. Introduce yourself. Approach the girl you want to start a conversation with, smile and say hello. Tell her your name and ask for hers. Keep it simple. A genuine, polite greeting beats a cheesy pick-up line any day.
    • In any situation, try a straightforward introduction. For example: "Hi, my name is Bob. What's your name?"
    • In a bar, you can offer to buy the girl a drink. For example: "Hi, my name is Joe. Can I buy you a drink?"
  2. Ask her how she is doing. Politely asking a girl how her day was or how she's feeling is a nice way to get her talking. It also makes a good impression as it shows that you are genuinely interested in her and are willing to listen.
    • A simple "How are you doing today?" never fails. Make sure to listen to her answer, it's not supposed to be a rhetorical question!
    • Ask her "How was your day today? Did you do anything fun?" This prompts her to give more than a one word answer and gives you a chance to show off those amazing listening skills.
  3. Comment about the weather. You can't go wrong with a harmless observation about the weather, or some other matter-of-fact subject. Make a comment about how sunny/windy/rainy it is. This gives you a safe topic to break the ice with. Once she has responded you can move on to more engaging topics.
    • Turn it into a question, rather than a statement. Say something like "Beautiful day out today, isn't it?" or "I hope this rain eases off soon, don't you?" This gives her the opportunity to respond.
    • If you're not a fan of the weather approach, try another safe topic. For instance, you can try commenting on your surroundings. In a bar, you could say something like "Wow, it's crowded in here tonight, isn't it?"
  4. Ask a question about class or work. Finding some common ground can really help to break the ice in a conversation. Ask her thoughtful questions about work or class to get the conversation flowing.
    • If you take a class together, ask her what she thinks of it, whether she likes the professor, or if she's interested in whatever you're studying right now. Say something like "Have you seen the essay topics for next semester? Do you know which topic you're going to write on?"
    • If you work together, ask her if she's working on any interesting projects right now.
  5. Bring up pop culture. Referencing pop culture is a clever, non-personal way to bring up personal interests. By finding out what kind of movies or music a girl likes, you can gain an insight into the type of person she is and what her interests are. Such valuable information could help you plan an awesome future date!
    • For televisions shows, ask her something like "Do you watch Mad Men? Who is your favorite character?"
    • For music, ask her "Have you heard Daft Punk's new album? What did you think?
    • For movies, "Have you seen the latest Tarantino film? I heard it's fantastic!"
  6. Mention an upcoming event. Mentioning an upcoming event, such as a music festival or exam, can give you something to get excited or nervous about with the girl. This creates a rapport between the two of you and allows the girl to see how much you have in common!
    • If you're both taking the same exam, you could say something like "I'm dreading the math final next week. I suck at algebra! How are you feeling about it?"
    • If you're having a conversation about music, you could mention an upcoming festival. Say something like "Are you going to Coachella this year? I went with a bunch of friends last year, we had a blast! What bands are you hoping to see?"
    • If it's coming up to a holiday, you could say something like "I can't wait for Halloween next week. My friend is having a house party and I've got a great werewolf costume planned. Are you doing anything fun?"

Friendly Conversation

  1. Mention a Common Friend. Bringing up a mutual friend in your conversation will help you to draw a personal connection to the girl, even if you don't know her well. She will feel more at ease, as you will no longer seem like a complete stranger! Having a common friend also gives you something (or someone) to talk about.
    • Try saying something like "I've heard you're good friends with Allison. How do you two know each other?"
    • Or "Oh so you know Dan? We go way back! He's hilarious, isn't he?"
  2. Bring up a shared experience. Bringing up a shared experience - whether it's working as a volunteer or growing up on a farm - helps to create a personal connection between the two of you and establishes the beginning of a bond.
    • If you realize that you both grew up on a farm, you could say something like "No way! Me too! The worst part was the early mornings, my Dad would get me up at 5 a.m. everyday during the summer to help out! What was it like for you?"
    • If you both worked on volunteer projects you could say something like "I thought it was a really rewarding experience. What inspired you to get involved?"
  3. Pose an interesting question. Asking the girl an unusual or thought-provoking question will break the ice and allow the girl to speak her mind. It will give the girl a chance to express herself while you make a good impression for asking such an interesting question in the first place. Win-win!
    • Try something like "If you could be an animal, what type of animal would you be?"
    • Or something like "What are the top five places you want to visit before you die?"
    • Or maybe "Would you ever consider doing a skydive?"
  4. Mention a shared interest. Discovering that you have a shared interest is conversational gold and will really help you to start establishing a bond with the girl. It doesn't matter what the interest is - be it reading, running, rowing or rock-climbing - what matters is that it's something you share.
    • If you discover that you both like running you could ask her what her favorite local routes are, or if she's ever considered training for a marathon.
    • If you both like reading, you could ask her who her favorite author is or what she thought of a recent film adaption of a well-known novel.
    • If it's something really quirky, ask her how she first got involved with it and compare stories!
  5. Ask a personal question. If things are going well and the two of you seem to be hitting it off, it might be time to get a little more personal. Remember that the aim is to show that you're interested in her and want to get to know her better, not to make her feel uncomfortable. Don't ask her anything that you wouldn't feel comfortable answering yourself.
    • Keep it positive! Don't ask her what her greatest fear or biggest secret is, ask her about her hopes for the future or where she sees herself in ten years. Leave it up to her whether she wants to answer seriously or keep it light-hearted.
    • Try asking her about her family, start with something simple and non-invasive like "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
    • If you want to find out if she's single, simply ask her "Are you seeing anybody right now?"

Flirtatious Conversation

  1. Compliment her. Keep it genuine and polite. Tell her that she has a beautiful smile, that you like her necklace or that her laughter is infectious. Make her feel special. Be careful not to overwhelm her with larger-than-life compliments, you will just come across as insincere.
    • Try telling her "You have a great smile, there's something infectious about it!"
    • Or say "That's a cute dress, red really suits you."
  2. Try a pickup line. A good pickup line will make a girl laugh and definitely get her attention. Avoid anything too cheesy or creepy sounding. The key to making a pickup line work is confident delivery, so don't be shy!
    • For romance, try "Hi, I'm Andrew. I thought we should at least have a conversation before we get married."[1]
    • For quirkiness, try "I can't think of anyone I'd rather survive the Zombie Holocaust with."[1]
    • For flattery, try "My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?"[2]
  3. Focus on non-verbal cues. You can use non-verbal cues, such as body language or facial expressions, to turn an otherwise non-flirtatious comment into something with romantic undertones.
    • Keep your body language open and inviting. Maintain good eye contact and smile, smile, smile!
    • Lightly touch her hand or arm when telling a story, this helps to create intimacy and moves you out of the friend zone.
    • Avoid negative body language such as crossing your arms, scowling or looking down.

Overall Behavior

  1. Project Confidence. The underlying key to all flirtation is confidence. What women really want is a man who is comfortable in his own skin, a man who's happy, capable and self-assured.
    • Update your wardrobe. When you feel good about your appearance, you'll naturally project confidence, so ditch the baggy jeans and invest in some good quality, well-fitting pieces to help you look and feel like 007.[3]
    • Speak clearly and confidently. This doesn't mean talking over people or interrupting them constantly, but try to speak a little louder than you normally would. Avoid qualifying sentences with too many "like"s and "you know"s.[3]
  2. Listen well. Try not to dominate the conversation. Ask plenty of questions and listen carefully to her responses. Listening demonstrates that you are interested in her and in what she has to say.
  3. Remain engaged in the conversation. Open up about yourself, give the girl more and more reason to like you. Respond to her questions and let her get to know you a little but don't go on and on either, the goal is to engage and intrigue her, not bore her.
  4. Make eye contact. Maintaining good eye contact will make you appear more trustworthy and attractive. Looking someone in the eye comes naturally when you're feeling comfortable and confident. Make sure to look at her directly whenever either of you is speaking, but remember to look away during pauses in conversation - staring is creepy![3]
  5. Smile. Smiling makes you look happy, approachable and more attractive. That's the kind of guy girls want to be around, so show off those pearly whites.
  6. Avoid "yes" or "no" questions. Questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" are not a recipe for engaging conversation. Close-ended questions aren't effective for getting the girl to really invest into the conversation. Try to pose more interesting, open-ended questions which require longer, more thoughtful answers. Close-ended questions should only potentially be used in the very, very beginning of the conversation so as to put only a minimum amount of pressure on her. Starting conversations with strangers is an already awkward experience and making it more awkward for her by putting pressure on her with an open-ended question may be counter-productive. So you may start off with open-ended questions like "Is this your first time here?" or "How are you?" to get more comfortable with the situation before proceeding to more open-ended questions.
  7. Avoid controversial topics. Bringing controversial topics into the conversation can make her feel awkward, uncomfortable, or just downright angry. Avoid seeking her views on topics such as politics or religion during your first conversation or your relationship runs the risk of being over before it's even begun.

Conversation Help

Doc:Great Conversation Topics,Conversation Starters,Ways to Keep a Conversation Going

Tips

  • Appear interested but not too eager. If someone else is competing for her attention, be willing to walk away so that you don't look desperate. Most girls love a challenge, so your willingness to step away from the conversation may make her even more interested in you.
  • If she seems interested in you, take the plunge and ask for her number. The next day, send her a text message saying that you enjoyed talking to her.
  • Text her within the first two hours saying; "Hey I really enjoyed talking to you today would you like to meet another time?" This way she knows you are "interested" in her.
  • Comment on something you are both doing. If you're on the bus together, comment on the driver or make a quip about the traffic. If you're both in line for coffee, joke about how long the line is taking or ask her what she's having.
  • If you know her well enough, try to ask her out without being rude.
  • Try to keep things light. Don't immediately share your deepest secrets, just have fun and be yourself.

Warnings

  • Sometimes, your girl just won't want to answer your questions or talk to you. Say something polite and move on. You can do better.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://jezebel.com/5599685/the-best-pick+up-lines-weve-ever-heard
  2. ↑ http://www.pickuplinesgalore.com/cheesy.html
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 http://www.askmen.com/scent/attraction/top-10-tips-to-project-confidence_9.html
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