Stay Calm Around an Ex
No matter if the goal here is to win back an ex, stay friends with an ex or show you've moved on with your life or even all three, staying calm is the key. It may be difficult, but no one likes a desperate hostile person.
Contents
Steps
- Learn to stay calm. You may see your ex a lot, sometimes, or rarely, but whenever you do see him/her you must use that time to your advantage. To keep calm, you must keep and show a positive attitude. Even if he's/she's with his/her new love, friends and family, or alone, it doesn't matter. If he/she still has feelings for you, and sees how happy you are, he/she may want to either be around you more, or have you on his/her mind a bit more than usual and that's what you want.
- Fake it till you make it. It will be hard. For whatever reason, he/she may seem not to notice, care, or may even be happier without you. This may be a front, but don't get your hopes up. The last thing you need is to get wrapped up in the false emotions you think may be triggered between you and the ex. The whole point is to stay calm, so you can think clearly, in order to take the next step in what's best for you.
- Find something that reminds you how special you are. Keep yourself busy, accomplish new things, no matter how big or small. It is important that you do this because it shows that, with or without that person, life does go on, and you're holding things down. There's nothing more attractive than that. Whether it's from your ex, or someone new, take care that you preserve your self worth.
- Develop a more positive attitude. When you're busy doing these tasks in your life, you should have a more positive attitude. Even if you're not getting everything that you may want, you should appreciate everything you do have. This will give you more freedom to control your actions, and even if you may interact with an ex, the new improved you will shine and keep you calm.
- Deal with the negative emotions. Another important thing for getting calm within yourself, is that you should let all the negative emotions run. When you're alone or with a trusted friend, you should let it out. Write it all down and be completely honest with yourself. If that's not you, workout, or listen to music that matches your emotions, but also motivates your mind that this isn't the end (even if you feel it is). Don't turn to drugs or alcohol. This would only relieve the pain temporarily, and you need something positive that actually improves how you deal with your feelings in the long run. Just try it. What can you lose?
- Cry cry cry! Don't do it in front of your ex, though, as if you're trying to manipulate him/her. It will only make things worse, and push him/her away.
- Do your best to accept the situation. If it's meant to be, it will be. You can't force anything; it should all be genuine anyway. If there is a chance your ex still wants you, or you guys are still friends, this part may get tricky. Watch how he/she treats you, talks to you and his/her actions. If he/she calls to check up on you, that's great; but don't seem like you're too excited. Don't bring up problems, or the past, unless its positive. If he/she does bring something up, that's also good, just follow his/her lead, but keep your emotions in check, and listen (especially if that was a problem in the past). Don't go begging for him/her, or feeling sorry for yourself and out of control. This will push him/her away, and make him/her regret he/she even came. Remain calm. Be subtle, friendly, and remind him/her that, no matter what, you'll have his/her back. But only say it if you mean it, or that may cause a downfall. Be honest.
- Another way to remain calm is to remain patient. If he's/she's having thoughts of rebuilding a relationship with you or still has strong feelings for you, it will show. And I'm not talking about physically. (That part can be misleading, and many do want to be able to have their cake and eat it too. Don't become another victim.) Keep your mind focused, for you still may be very vulnerable at this point.
- (Tip for girls only) Let him come to you. At this point, he may be confused and cautious about any decision he will eventually make. No matter what, your life doesn't stop for him. Keep your priorities straight and continue being positive as much as you can. If it gets to a point where he seems more open to you now, and talks to you about the relationship or each other, you must remain cautious. If you're still into him, go ahead and share this with him/her. But if it seems that time is passing by, and he's just dragging you along and can't make up his mind, or seems on a roller coaster ride, accept this as the end for you two, or at least just mentally let him go. You have your life you need to care about. Keep calm within yourself; your time shouldn't be wasted. What respect does he really have for you if he can't understand that?
- Keep in mind that everyone is different and the cases are too. But keeping calm is what makes the process of the break up a lot better, whether you guys were meant to be — or become friends or strangers.
Tips
- Remind yourself of how great you are, and if that person doesn't see it, then they're not worth your time.
- Keep to yourself and stay away from rumors. They may occur, but show you're better than that. It does turn out well in the long run.
- If you are into a religion or something similar, pray to help keep your wild emotions in check and keep the pain to a minimum.
- He or she may get really close with others. Don't feed in, it may be hard to (especially if you hear about them a lot), but remain positive and fill your head with other thoughts. They have the right to do what they want, and you do too. Have respect for him/her and yourself; you'll be glad you did.
Warnings
- Life does go on, concentrate on goals for yourself.
- Don't lose hope. Be patient. But also be wise to know when it is time to leave that person behind and get on with your life.
- Don't deprive yourself of the dating world but don't get your mind stuck on it either.
- Don't bad-mouth your ex for whatever reason, remember karma!
- Don't get your hopes up too high. There's a chance you guys will not get back with each other. This is why you must eventually accept this and learn from this. This is the key to remaining calm.
- Be careful if things get physical. If this person isn't back with you or giving their full attention on working on rebuilding the relationship, there's a strong chance you will get hurt all over again.
- Being vulnerable to desperate actions will only have them feeding off of you for their advantage, if they are that kind of person.
