Stop Your Child from Gossiping

Gossiping may seem harmless to children, but parents usually know how bad it can get. Children often think that they can only hurt others through physical means. They don’t believe or understand that words can make even more of an impact. Fortunately, you may be able to stop them from gossiping by explaining the negative consequences of doing so, teaching them how to shut gossip down, and letting them know how to prevent it from starting.

Steps

Explaining the Negative Consequences of Gossiping

1. Remind them that gossip can hurt feelings. Bad news typically spreads faster than good news does, and gossip usually isn’t good. Rumors are often made to hurt someone and their reputation. Let your child know that the subject of the rumor will likely hear it and probably become hurt.
   • Repeat back to your child the gossip they’ve spread and make it about them. Ask them how they would feel if they were the subject of the rumor. Let them know that a good rule of thumb about gossip is to ask themselves if they would be hurt if that was said about them, before they speak the words to someone else.
2. Tell them that gossiping is a form of bullying. Your child may not understand the damage that gossiping can do. They may think that because they are just words, they are harmless. Let them know, however, that saying bad things about others behind their back is just as bad as saying it to their face. In fact, let them know that it is even worse.
   • Rumors are usually lies. The person doesn’t have a chance to defend themselves when the talk is taking place behind their back. They would be able to clear up the lies if they knew about them. Instead, the rumor continues about that person, possibly changing and becoming worse. The result is damage from which the person may not recover.
3. Let them know gossip could cause trouble. Repeating something you hear can cause arguments, tears, and even physical altercations. Remind your child that even if they think they are helping someone by telling them what they said, doing so may make things worse.
   • For example, if they tell their friend what someone said about them, it could cause the friend and the other person to get into a fight.
4. Let them know they may be gossiped about, too. Kids who gossip are more likely to have gossip spread about them. The kids who they gossiped about might retaliate and spread their own rumors. Additionally, kids may feel uncomfortable around yours for fear that they will gossip about them, which may create its own rumor.
   • Avoid telling them that they will become unpopular if they gossip. In reality, kids who gossip tend to gain popularity and seem to have closer relationships with their friends than those who don’t.

Teaching Them to Shut Gossip Down

1. Offer ways to stop spreading gossip. The easiest way to shut down gossip is to not spread it. Tell your child to simply keep it to themselves, even if they believe the rumor is true.
   • Give them examples of what to say when they hear gossip. For example, they could say, “That’s none of my business” or “I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation for that.” Other kids may eventually stop coming to them with gossip if they don’t spread it.
2. Have them avoid the subject. Your child may feel like they don’t have a choice about whether they hear gossip or not. Explain to them that they actually do. They have options other than sitting and listening to what the person says.
   • For example, they could say to the gossip-spreader, “I don’t want to talk about this. Let’s change the subject.” They could also simply walk away from the conversation if they feel it is heading in that direction.
3. Encourage your child to make friends with kids who don’t gossip. If your child finds friends who don’t gossip, chances are they won’t gossip either. Kids often feel closer to others when they share these juicy bits of information “in confidence.” However, these disclosures may end up floating around to many other kids.
   • Let your child know also that so-called friends who gossip to your child are also likely to spread gossip about them. People who create and spread rumors often can’t be trusted, which is another reason why making friends with those who don’t gossip is a good idea.
4. Set consequences to gossiping behavior. If your child is aware of your no-gossiping policy and you still find out they have been doing it, you will need to enforce some consequences. Decide how to address the situation based on the severity of the gossip.
   • For example, if you learn your child has been spreading rumors about a teacher at school, you might forbid them from hanging with possible negative influences. You might also require that they write a letter of apology to the teacher.
   • If the situation is less severe, such as telling a sibling that two neighborhood kids are secretly dating, you might just tell them to stop.

Helping Your Child Learn to Prevent Gossip

1. Tell them not to share their secrets. Unfortunately, kids usually aren’t the best secret keepers. They are often quite loosed-lipped, despite what they may say. Advise your child to keep their secrets to themselves, or else they risk having everyone know about them.
   • Additionally, tell your child to keep their friends’ secrets to themselves. If their friend trusted them enough to share that information, they should respect them and not tell others about it.
2. Suggest trusted sources for sharing. If something is bothering your child, they may look to other children for support and help. But telling other children could result in gossip, exposing your child to torment and teasing. Instead, tell them who they can trust to speak with about the issue.
   • For example, you can tell them to talk to you, other relatives, the principal, their guidance counselor, or their teacher. The chances of resolution and having their information stay confidential is more likely if they confide in a trusted adult.
3. Encourage them to speak out. Your child could stop gossip before it starts by speaking up to the people who are intending to spread it. Tell them to tell their friends to stop if they believe they are going to start spreading a rumor. Encourage them to find other friends to bring along during the confrontation, as it may make more of an impact and help them feel more comfortable.
   • They can say, “I know you’re about to start gossip. It’s going to hurt the person and it’s wrong, so I don’t think you should.” You may also consider having your child tell a principal or teacher about the potential future gossip to prevent it from getting out.

Sources and Citations

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