Give a Spanking
In an ideal world, spanking would never be necessary. However, some parents feel that on rare occasions it may be necessary to smack their child's bottom. This article does not intend to either promote or discourage spanking, but rather is intended to give parents the facts, and when necessary, the correct instruction on how to spank your child in the safest way.
Spanking is a much-debated topic. Most child psychologists do not recommend spanking as a discipline method for children. However, other psychologists and many parents will tell you that a spanking given with fairness, love and care is an effective discipline technique. The decision as to the usefulness of spanking is best made by a child's parents, within the norms and laws of their local regions.
Contents
Steps
Thinking and Talking About the Spanking
- Make sure you are set on this plan. Before you announce the spanking, be 100% positive that you want to spank your child. Spanking should be a last resort, after issuing non-physical punishments like timeouts, grounding or denial of privileges.
- Some people do consider spanking to be abuse. Physical and emotional abuse is defined as follows: Any willful act or threatened act that results in any physical, mental, or sexual injury or harm that causes or is likely to cause the child’s physical, mental, or emotional health to be significantly impaired. Abuse of a child includes acts or omissions. Some feel that, based on the research proving the negative effects of spanking, corporal discipline by a caregiver does in itself constitute abuse. In some regions, spanking is illegal.
- Explain to your child what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and which better choices they could have made instead. This should be an open conversation in which the child can ask questions to understand exactly what is expected of him or her. As the spanker, it is important to always be calm and clear of any anger.
- Decide on the place where the spanking will be administered. Spanking in front of others, especially friends or siblings, can be intensely embarrassing for your child. This can generate feelings of resentment that are counterproductive to your child learning better behavior. Especially if you spank on your child's bare bottom, privacy is important.
- Once you have reached your destination and have come to a clear understanding, announce that the consequence of the child's actions will be a spanking. The child will probably be a bit angry and resentful. They may also be a bit nervous. This is to be expected.You should be understanding of these reactions, but you also need to stand your ground.
- Tell the child that they should remain in position. Tell them it would be unwise if they attempt to block or otherwise resist the punishment. If they are complaining or whining, tell them this will not cause a shorter spanking. Crying, however, is very natural before, during and after the spanking, and should never be punished.
Delivering the Spanking
- Never spank younger children with a tool, always use an open hand. Using anything other than an open hand could be dangerous, and should be avoided.
- Some parents, families, and cultures prefer bare bottom spankings even for teenagers, and some advocate spanking only over clothing. Use your own best judgement, considering all factors: your cultural norms (and therefore embarrassment and sense of intrusion your child may feel), your child's safety (spanking on a bare bottom can allow you to see how much redness you're leaving, but it also offers less protection from the hand), your child's age and comfort/discomfort with nudity, and what they're wearing (certain items of clothing might make it hurt more or less). While spanking may be acceptable to you as a form of punishment, you probably want to avoid it becoming a humiliating or traumatizing event; make your decisions accordingly, since you know your child and your culture the best.
- Remove all rings from your fingers. These can hurt your child and be dangerous for own hands as well. You don't want anything that will obstruct the spanking or possibly hurt your child. Also consider taking out any items in your pockets that may make it uncomfortable for your child to lie across your lap. Set these objects on a table or chair off to the side. If you have decided that you will spank on the bare bottom, pull down your child's pants and underpants now, or let your child do that.
- Bend your child over your knee. Sit down, then pull the child over your lap.
- Relax your hand and all your limbs, with one firm hand on their back and one on their bottom. Make sure your child isn't squirming and his or her legs are locked.
- Do not talk during the spanking. Save any conversation for after the spanking is done—just get it over.
- Don't hit too hard. It doesn't take a lot of force to successfully discipline your child, and hitting too hard can cause injury or trauma. Plus, the symbolism of the act is just as important as the actual pain inflicted, particularly if you decided to spank on the bare bottom. Make sure you listen to the child's responses, to know if you are hitting too hard.
- For avoiding injury to your child you should keep a safe distance from the genital area, the coccyx and the kidneys of the child. Pay attention to the reddening of your child's bottom: at the latest if both cheeks are bright red, the spanking should end. Naturally, a spanking on the bare bottom will help you avoid accidentally spanking the genital area and obviously will help you see if both cheeks are a bright red. If you spank in this way, pull up your child's underpants and trousers as soon the spanking is finished, or let your child do that.
- Afterwards affirm your child. Tell them that you just do it because you love them and that discipline is part of that love. Emphasize that they can prevent future spankings by thinking about their actions and making good choices. Never follow up a spanking with any other kind of punishment - after the spanking should come immediate forgiveness.
- Try to make the spanking a positive learning experience. This may sound odd, but when done properly a spanking can teach a child a valuable lesson that they will be glad of in the future. You may feel bad inside, but know that you are not necessarily a bad parent for spanking your child, because when done correctly, without abuse and for the right reasons, it is a productive part of parenting.
- Provide unconditional love. Tell your child that you love them always no matter what.
Tips
- Don't spank too often. If you have to constantly spank your child all the time then it most likely doesn't work - as every child is different - or they are getting too used to it, which should never happen. A proper spanking should be a very occasional thing, and something that happens only a few times a year in their growing years.
- The best age for introducing spanking in child discipline is 4-5 years. Younger children should not be spanked. Spanking can be very useful for older children. Even for teenagers it should still be an option, but rarely used at this age. If it doesn't work, try other punishments such as grounding or taking away privileges.
- Make sure that you don't spank only boys; girls are equal to boys. If boys feel that they are being discriminated due to their gender, they will definitely resent it.
- Try to avoid opposite-gender spankings, if possible.
- When you spank your child, make sure they understand why they are being spanked. Spank with your hand. You should spank a bare bottom when it comes to older children.
Warnings
- If the school of your child uses corporal punishment, and your child gets a spanking at school, don't spank the child again at home! Many parents do that, but it is an unfair double punishment.
- Never spank a child while angry.
- Don't give any kind of additional punishments like grounding or timeout; a proper spanking is punishment enough.
- Never spank in any type of moving vehicle.
- Don't spank children if you are not their parent or guardian (Unless the parent has given you permission) Babysitters, this is you.
- Never spank a child anywhere other than the buttocks, and especially not the head or torso.
- Be aware that if you choose to spank in public, you may be confronted by people who oppose what you are doing even if it is technically legal. This is especially true in areas where attitudes toward spanking are hostile.
- Obey all laws restricting or stopping corporal punishment.
- Spanking anyone younger than two or older than six is likely to lead to serious behaviour problems.
