Survive Middle School Dating

So, you've entered middle school and a few of your friends are pairing off together and becoming couples. This change may seem very frighting. You may wish that everything could just stay the same way it's been for years. Don't sweat it; you don't have to date in middle school, but if you do, there are a few smart strategies you can keep in mind to have happy, fulfilling relationships and avoid heartbreak.

Steps

General Rules for Dating Survival

  1. Have reasonable expectations for middle school dating. It's important to remember that, compared to the relationships you'll have late in life, dating in middle school isn't that big of deal. This doesn't mean that it's impossible to meet the person you'll marry in middle school or that it's impossible to have your heart broken. It does mean that, in a few years, you probably won't still be thinking about your middle school relationships. Here are just a few things to keep in mind:
    • No middle schooler is an expert at dating yet; almost no one knows what to do and mistakes are common.
    • Most middle school relationships don't last beyond middle school.
    • You can't drive yet and you probably don't have much money, so going on "real" dates is difficult.
  2. Ask people out with confidence. If you want to date in middle school, it's not usually enough to just wait around for someone to ask you out. If you want romance, you need to go get it! This can be scary, but for many people, it feels worse to stay silent and wonder what would have happened if you had spoken up.
    • Asking someone out in middle school shouldn't be a big, dramatic production. If you have a crush on someone, just find them when no one else is around and ask something like, "Hey, do you want to come hang out at my house over the weekend?" If they say yes and you have a good time together, you can tell them you like them.
    • If you ask someone else and get a "no," don't feel too bad. This doesn't mean you've done anything wrong — there are lots of reasons why someone may not want to date. For example, the person you ask out may just not want to date in middle school (which is perfectly OK).
  3. Don't be afraid to talk about the way you feel. Talking about your emotions is one of the hardest but most important skills you can learn for grown-up relationships. Being in a relationship with someone may make you feel ways you're not used to. For example, when you get your first boyfriend or girlfriend, you may find yourself feeling jealousy for the first time. The important thing is to be open about the way you feel. Closing yourself off from your friends, family, and especially your partner is a good way to put stress on your relationship.
  4. Take things very slowly. You may not like to hear it, but you're not an adult yet. Don't try to make your relationship more mature than it needs to be. While every situation is different, you should always date someone because they are fun and they make you happy. You shouldn't date because you want to get to grown-up experiences like kissing, making out, and having sex as quickly as possible. For now, concentrate on having fun together with your partner — the rest can come later.
    • It's A-OK if all you do with your boyfriend or girlfriend is hold hands or hug. Don't let gossip at school make you feel like you're "falling behind." You're definitely not.
  5. Treat your relationship as a learning experience. In middle school, no one has the experience to really "know what they're doing" in a relationship. For this reason, you and your partner will probably make lots of mistakes. Don't get too hung up on these; you're learning from each one. When you get into more mature relationships later, you will have a better idea of how to date and what you do and do not like in someone.
    • For example, if you date someone who frustrates you by never responding to your texts, in the future you can try to date someone who values communication.

Avoiding Heartbreak and Other Trouble

  1. Have a relationship to make yourself happy; not anyone else. As a general rule, don't worry about what other people think when you're dating in middle school. Trusted friends and family members can offer good advice, but you should be dating mainly for your own satisfaction. For example, don't choose your partners or change your behavior to fit in with popular kids. Relationships require a lot of effort, so why would you get into one to make someone else happy?
    • This advice is also true when you're not with someone. Don't feel pressured to get into a relationship because some of your friends are in one. There is no shame in not having a boyfriend or girlfriend (especially in middle school)
  2. Avoid the drama queens and kings. Almost every middle school has people whose social lives seem to dominate every conversation. These people may seem to act like they are in a trashy reality show — they constantly seem to be getting into drama. They will most likely have boyfriends and girlfriends, but they may often get into big, showy conflicts with each other. Stay away from these people. They may seem popular, but it will be hard to find examples of good relationships among them.
  3. Don't neglect other, more important things. If you get into a relationship in middle school, there's a good chance that it's your very first one. Since you don't have much experience, it may seem like your new relationship is more important than anything else you have to worry about. It isn't. While relationships later in life can become this important, you have more important priorities in middle school. Here are just a few things that you should concentrate on more than your middle school relationship:
    • Your own happiness
    • Your health
    • Your schoolwork
    • Your hobbies
    • Having good relationships with your friends and family
  4. Don't tolerate disrespect. Just because middle school relationships aren't a big deal doesn't mean that you can't get hurt. Never let your partner treat you in a way that hurts your feelings or makes you feel less important than you are. Stand up for yourself — let your partner know that things like lying, name-calling, and cheating won't be tolerated.
    • If your partner won't stop after a few warnings, don't hesitate to break things off with him or her. Don't cling to a bad relationship because you're afraid you can't get another — there will be many, many opportunities in your life.
  5. Keep things in perspective. It may be hard to hear this, but middle school relationships aren't usually very important to people later in life. For most people, the relationships that come in high school, college, and beyond have much more of an effect on life. So, try to treat middle school as a "test drive" for what will come later. You can learn a lot from middle school relationships, but the best relationships of your life are ahead of you, so don't get too wrapped up in them! Things like breakups may seem huge today, but you will laugh at how small they were in just a few years.
    • Try to avoid using the word "love" to describe your relationship. This word can make it seem like you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Since most middle school relationships don't last forever, this is just setting yourself up for hurt later.



Tips

  • Remember: no relationships ever got better because you didn't talk about them. Don't be afraid to talk to friends and family members about your frustrations. You might even try keeping a (private) blog or journal to keep track of your thoughts.
  • If you have been together with someone for a little while, surprise your partner with a small present or treat. You probably don't have much money, so something small but sweet is best. For example, you might try giving a few flowers, a card, some dessert, or even something creative like a drawing or song.

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