Tell Someone No After They've Asked You Out
You've just been asked out by someone you know. For whatever reason, you like this person, but you don't want to go out with him or her. This is a common problem - learning how to let someone down delicately will help you not just in this situation, but in similar situations in the future.
Contents
Steps
- Think before you speak. After the person asks you, ask them if you can have some time to think. A polite way to say it is, "I'm not sure. I'm going to sleep on it, okay?" or "I don't know. Can I get back to you tomorrow?". Whether this is the guy/girl of your dreams or someone you would never want to go out with, you still need time to consider the decision and your response carefully.
- Weigh the pros and cons. List the positive and negative points of dating this person.
- If you find that there are more cons than pros to dating this person, you should most likely tell them "no". This is where things get difficult.
- After you've decided to decline their offer, find the asker the next day, and ask to talk to them privately. The private spot can be a deserted hallway or empty classroom if you're a teen in school, or an empty break room if you're at work.
- Tell them you've made your decision. Explain that you're not interested, and that you didn't try to hurt them.
- Explain why you can't go out with them without getting into detail
- Add that you're impressed with them asking you. Tell them that it was brave of them to ask you. This will probably give them an ego boost, and make them feel a little better.
- If the person starts crying say sorry and then politely excuse yourself.They need their space.
- It might be a little awkward for you and the asker to see each other. That's very typical. But don't go out of your way to avoid them.The more you wait, the more awkward it will be. If you run into each other, just say hi and make polite small talk. With time, it will get easier.
Tips
- Be considerate about where and when you tell this person your answer. Never reject someone in a public place with lots of people around. Try to avoid doing it before a big event for that person, such as a test, a presentation, or a big social event.
- Even though it's tempting, don't refuse the request through Instant Messaging, or email. This is highly impersonal and rude.
- If you discover, after you've turn the person down, that you do have feelings for them, you can try asking them back out. But more than likely, person might turn you down. The person may still have hurt feelings from your rejection or have moved on and lost interest in you.
- While you should be nice to someone that you are rejecting, don't be so nice that you end up going out with them even though you don't like them. That will just be more painful for both of you, and it is cruel deception, even though you are just trying to be nice.
- If they are your friend let him/her down easy so you can still be friends.
Warnings
- If the asker threatens you or someone else because you turned them down, seek the police. There is no reason to compromise your safety. (Make sure not to call the police in front of them!)
- Also seek help from any adult around you in school, if you are still in school.
