Tell Your Parents that You're Depressed

Depression is a frightening and isolating illness. Many young people struggle to gather the bravery required to tell their parent(s) or simply don't know how to go about it. By reading this article, you are already moving in the right direction. Here is how to talk to your parent(s) and get the help you need.

Steps

Preparing for the Conversation

  1. Recognize symptoms of depression. Research depression to see if it fits what you're going through. Depression can manifest in different ways: lethargy, indecisiveness, hopelessness, and more. Clinical depression is usually identified as lasting at least 2 weeks, but shorter episodes of depression spanning considerable time are also a danger. When in doubt, say something.
  2. Prepare for talking about it. Read the full article, and start thinking about what you'll say and when you'll say it. Be prepared to explain your feelings, explain depression, and talk to your parents about how they can help you. Here are some examples of questions your parents may ask:
    • Are you going to hurt or kill yourself?
    • How long have you felt this way?
    • Did we cause it? (Say no. You can bring up any specific problems when they are calmer.)
    • How can we help you feel better?
  3. Accept that this will be a difficult conversation. You may cry. Your parents may cry. This is okay. Depression is a difficult subject, and you are doing the right thing by addressing it now before it gets worse. Your parents are going to be affected sooner or later. You are doing well by choosing to tell them in a way you control, rather than waiting for them to find out during some big disaster.
    • Chances are, your parent(s) have already noticed something is wrong. They just don't know what it is or how to help. You naming the problem will help them feel better and know how to take action.
  4. Consider whether you want to talk to one parent first, or both parents at the same time. If you are closer to one parent, or think that one parent will react better, talk to that parent first. That parent can help you tell the other parent.
  5. Consider writing a letter or note if you have a hard time finding words. This is an okay way to communicate feelings that are difficult. Explain that it's easier to find the words on paper, write about how you've been feeling, and at the end ask for a doctor's appointment.
    • You may also choose to ask a school guidance counselor or psychologist to call your parents and tell them. They can break the news, and then hand over the phone when you and your parents are ready.

Having the Conversation

  1. Choose a time when your parent(s) will be able to listen. It should be a quiet time when you can talk one-on-one, or alone with both of them. Long car rides, quiet evenings, doing chores together, and long walks all present an opportunity to talk.
    • If your parent(s) are busy, ask when is a good time. Say something like "I have something really important to talk to you about. When would be a good time for us to have a private conversation?"
    • You can suggest taking a walk and bring it up then.
  2. Let them know that this is serious. Sometimes parents make the mistake of not taking their children seriously about depression. You can get their full attention by letting them know that this is serious.
    • "I have a really big problem, and I need help."
    • "There's something I've been struggling with for the past few months."
    • "This is hard for me to talk about. I really need you to listen."
  3. Make "I" statements about your feelings. This is a tried-and-true method of telling others about your emotions. Explain Depression how awful you've been feeling. This is difficult, and you may cry and feel upset after bringing up such a painful subject. It is worth it.
    • "I feel really exhausted and gloomy. It's hard to get out of bed."
    • "I know I've been cranky lately. I get really mad at myself, and I hate myself sometimes. I don't know what to do."
    • "I keep wishing that I could die."
  4. Bring up the subject of depression. Now that they know how it is affecting you, say its name. Talk to them about any research you did, and offer to show them any articles you found helpful. Show them wikiHow articles like Deal with Depression and Know if You Have Depression if this helps.
    • "I found some articles about depression. It sounds a lot like what I'm going through, and I think I may have it."
  5. Ask for a doctor's appointment. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, that can be caused by environmental factors (death of a loved one, isolation, abuse) or for no good reason. A doctor can help you figure out how to help you, such as therapy and/or medication options.
    • If your parents aren't sure if you're depressed, say that a doctor can determine whether you are.
  6. Don't panic if your parent(s) react badly. This is big news. They may respond with disbelief, self-blame, anger, fear, et cetera. This is their first reaction, not their eternal reaction, so do your best to stay calm. Allow them some time to figure out how they truly feel, and then they will show it to you.
    • If they are confused, say "It took me a long time to understand depression, too."
    • Reassure them that you love them and it's not their fault.
    • Plan to do something comforting after you tell them so any knee-jerk reactions don't upset you too badly.
    • Remember that this is not your fault. You did the right thing, and this is the best way for them to find out.
  7. Do something relaxing. Have plans to do something that makes you feel better afterwards, because you may feel worn out and sad after talking about depression. Consider doing a hobby, taking a warm bath, or spending time with a loved one. Your parent may take time to comfort you after the conversation.
    • Your parent might feel worried and not know how to comfort you. If so, say "I was planning on doing ______ next. Would you like to do it with me?"

Tips

  • Telling your parent that you are depressed is a definite sign that you really want help, and your parent will probably understand that. Telling them can be very scary ... but, they will be more supportive than you think.
  • Remember that it's okay that you're depressed, and chances are your parents will understand and try to get you the help you need.
  • Seek professional help if you can't tell your parents just yet. Seeking professional help such as a school's guidance counselor or a therapist can help to analyse your situation and develop a means of becoming happy again. Remember that professional help is completely trustworthy.
  • Give it time. Time heals and reveals.
  • Antidepressants do not change who you are; they simply correct chemical imbalances in the brain. It's okay to take them. The first few pills you try may not be helpful, and that's normal and okay. Keep trying and you will find a good one eventually.
  • Antidepressants can help, but they may take a while to work, and cannot remove any external causes of depression. Seek therapy as well to identify and work through problems in your life that could be causing or worsening your depression.
  • You might want to write down your symptoms, feelings etc. or anything else you want to say. This will help you get your thoughts organized. It might even be helpful to review this list before you talk to your mom about your depression.
  • If you feel uncomfortable talking face to face with your parents it's helpful to right a note or maybe text them. They may have a bad first reaction but that's just because they are surprised or sad..

Warnings

  • If you start on antidepressants and they make you feel more depressed, tell your doctor. Don't take yourself off them and some antidepressants take a while to work and can make you feel worse in the meantime.
  • If you have suicidal thoughts, get help immediately.

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