Ask Your Mom for Birth Control

When you’re young, sometimes even asking your mom to go out on Friday night can seem scary. Even more scary is the thought of asking her if you can get on birth control. Perhaps you are sexually active or considering it, or maybe you just want to get on birth control to better regulate your periods. Though this may be a difficult conversation, with a bit of preparation, you can try to achieve your goal of initiating a serious and respectful conversation with your mom.

Steps

Preparing for the Talk

1. Consider the different forms of birth control. You might be interested in birth control but unsure of what kind would work best for you. The most common form of medical birth control is the pill, but there are other options that contain fewer hormones. The most common forms of birth control are:
   • IUDs
   • Birth control patches
   • Birth control pills
   • Birth control shot
   • Condoms
2. Consider the effects of birth control. Before you talk to your mom, find out about the ways that birth control affects your body and the changes it can make, both positive and negative. Some of the benefits of different forms of birth control are listed below:
   • In addition to preventing pregnancy, hormonal birth control like the pill, patch, shot or IUD can prevent ovarian cysts and cancer, bone thinning, iron deficiency, acne, and PMS.
   • Condoms and dental dams prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
3. Plan your argument. Use the information from your research to prepare your argument for your mom. If you come to her with knowledge and facts, she might be more willing to give in to your request, as you will seem more mature and thoughtful. Compile a list of all of the reasons you want birth control. Think ahead about the reasons that she might not want you to get on birth control and plan rebuttals for those concerns.
   • For instance, perhaps your mom doesn’t want you to get on birth control because she is afraid that you will gain weight like she may have. Find some birth control options that do not cause weight gain.
4. Practice in the mirror. You might be very nervous to broach this topic with your mom, which is understandable. You can calm your nerves by practicing in the mirror beforehand. Practice delivering your pitch for why you should get birth control until you can do so without stammering or saying “um.”
   • Consider practicing with a friend if you feel comfortable.
5. Talk to your friends. If you have friends who have asked for birth control, find out how they did it and if they were successful. Consider consulting with friends who have mothers similar to yours so that you can develop the best approach.
   • You might say “Hey, aren’t you on birth control? I know your mom is just as strict as mine so how did you convince her?”
6. Prepare for her reaction. Before you speak to your mom, you will need to prepare yourself for her reaction. If you have a mother who is very religious, then she might react very strongly, particularly if she is just learning that you are sexually active.
   • If you feel that your mom might kick you out of the house because of this request, then you might want to wait until you are a bit older. If it is worth it to you, then make sure that you have somewhere else to stay for the time being.
   • Your mom might also feel confused or even sad at your request. Think about what her reaction might be so you can be better prepared.
7. Set aside some time to talk. If you are truly serious about getting on birth control, you will have to have a talk with your mom at some point. Ask your mom if she has some time to talk soon.
   • After she gets off work, you might say “Hey Ma, can we talk later on tonight? I have something I wanted to run by you.”
   • Don’t text her while you are at school or early in the morning asking to talk later. Avoid leaving her in suspense so that she doesn’t worry.

Having a Talk about Contraception

1. Break the ice. The most difficult part of having the conversation is starting it. Make sure that you are in quiet and private location when you have this talk, away from your other siblings. Start by saying something like “So, I really wanted to talk to you today about me getting on birth control.”
2. Talk about why you want it. Explain to your mom all the reasons why you want to get on birth control. This will help guide her as she is making her decision on whether or not to allow you. Be very honest with her; if you want to get on birth control because you are having sex, you should tell her this. If she finds out you are keeping secrets, she will be less likely to trust you to make important decisions like this.
   • Perhaps you don’t want birth control for contraceptive purposes and are interested in it only to regulate your period. Tell your mom this.
3. Talk about being responsible. In addition to the health benefits, one of the most important outcomes of birth control is preventing pregnancy. If you are still at the point that you have to ask your mom for permission to get on birth control, then you probably are not at the stage in your life to have your own child. If you are sexually active, tell your mother about this concern of yours. She very likely does not want you to have a child at this time, either.
4. Tell her how important her opinion is. Finally, you should tell your mom how important her opinion is on this. Tell her that you would not want to get on birth control at this age without her knowledge and consent and that you respect her opinion and judgement.
   • You can say “Mom, I know that if no one else will take care of me, you will. And I think that getting on birth control is really important for my health right now, especially since I’m sexually active.”
5. Listen. After you have spoken your peace, listen to your mom. She may have not even considered the idea of you getting on birth control, so bear with her. This could be new information. Hear her out and answer any questions that she might have honestly.
   • Don’t interrupt her when she is speaking.
6. Ask her questions. If your mom seems open to the idea of you getting on birth control, ask about her experience with it. See if it affected her emotionally, made her gain weight, have headaches, or eased off her periods. Ask her any other questions that you might have, whether they be about birth control, sex, or periods.
7. Send an email if you don’t feel comfortable talking in person. Perhaps you are a bit too afraid to talk to your mom in person. If your mom tends to lash out or overreacts, then sending her your thoughts via email might be the best decision. You can also write her a letter explaining how you feel and all of your reasons for wanting to start birth control.
8. Talk about going to the gynecologist. Though your mom may not want you to get on birth control at the moment, she may not have a problem with you going to see a gynecologist, especially if you have a very heavy period. Talk to her about wanting to see a gyno about this issue as well as any others you might be experiencing; the doctor will likely suggest birth control for you.

Handling Her Reaction

1. Stay calm. No matter how you mom reacts to this request, do you best to stay calm. You reacting emotionally and immaturely to her will only make her less likely to allow you to get on birth control. Take some deep breaths when the conversation gets heavy.
   • Walk away and get some space from the conversation if you need to.
2. Give her some time. After you have told her your feelings and heard from her as well, give her some time to process and make a decision. Don’t pressure her into deciding before she is ready, as this will likely yield you a “no.” Allowing her the time she needs to think will allow her to a more rational and calm decision rather than one rendered out of haste or pressure.
3. Bring up the topic at a later time. Once your mother has made her decision, don’t lash out if it is not in your favor. She may have told you no, fearing that birth control would incentivize you to have sex, or perhaps she has other medical reasons like fear of hormones. Whatever your mom’s decision is, respect it for now. Make other arrangements to prevent pregnancy in the interim by practicing abstinence or using condoms.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Tell Your Parents You Got a Ticket
• Tell Your Parents that You're Depressed
• Tell Your Mom About Your Period
• Start Talking to Your Parents About Your First Relationship
• Tell Your Mom You Are Bisexual
• Talk to a Parent About a Bad Grade on Your Report Card
• Tell Your Parents You Smoke Marijuana
• Tell Your Mother You're Pregnant when You Are a Teen
• Tell Your Parents You Are Bisexual
• Talk to Parents So They'll Understand

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