Understand Girls
It can be difficult to understand the opposite gender sometimes— almost as if each gender was a different culture, speaking a different language. This is simply because girl and guys are raised in different ways from birth, in our culture. Instead of throwing up your hands and saying, "ah, women" next time you're baffled by a lady, read this article so you can understand and act accordingly.
Contents
Steps
Understanding Why She Behaves Differently From You
- Understand why girls act differently. Men are often confused by female actions and reactions, and some will write them off as "crazy." However, there are logical reasons behind anyone's behavior. For women, many of these behavioral differences have something to do with a thing called "socialization." Socialization is all of the positive and negative influences the world and other people have on a person; it affects their personality, beliefs, attitudes, and worldview. Some examples of socialization include:
- The idea of some toys being "for girls" and others being "for boys." Some people have started to defy this idea in recent years; however, it's still a general rule that dolls and kitchen sets are "for girls" and trucks and toy weapons are "for boys."
- The belief that femininity is inferior. Typically this is an undertone, not overt. Think about it: calling a girl "boyish" or a "tomboy" is a harmless description, while calling a boy "girly" is an insult. "Chick flicks" are made fun of. Stereotypically female pastimes, such as shopping and getting beauty treatments, are seen as shallow or silly, even by many females, who consider themselves superior for liking sports or books.
- Cultural standards of beauty. In most Western nations, the ideal woman, according to TV and magazines, is thin, with flawless skin and gorgeous hair. This gives girls an impossible standard to strive for.
- Recognize that girls are socialized to hide feelings too, just in different ways than boys are. A "good girl" is quiet, obedient, and very, very polite. Thus, girls might feel that it is inconvenient to others if they express less-than-cheerful feelings, or say that they are upset by something you did.
- Remember that every woman is different. This article is here to offer you a general idea of what women are like. However, it certainly cannot speak for every woman. Use these steps as a guide and work from there.
Understanding Her Behavior
Some girls hide their unhappy feelings, which can make meaningful communication more difficult. If a girl you know does this, here is how to pick up on clues to how she feels.
- If she wants you to leave her alone, she may stay farther away from you than normal and not talk as much. She may look elsewhere or seem disinterested, stressed, or sad.
- Try mentioning that you have something to do. This allows both parties to tactfully end the conversation so that she can get her needed quiet time.
- If she is sad, she might try to act like things are fine, making this a little harder to figure out. She will act differently than normal, and probably break down or start talking if you gently ask if something is wrong once or twice. Many girls don't show when they are struggling, no matter how much they would like to be comforted or helped.
- If she is mad at you, she will act like you don't care about her. Girls might act cold and aloof when you have upset them. Conversations with you may be cut short, and she may seem hurt or frustrated. She might suddenly prefer the company of other people.
- In this case, it's especially important to ask her what is wrong. After that conversation, give her a reminder of how much you love her (a big hug, kind words, giving ice cream, a romantic date, etc.).
- She may become quiet if you say something that upsets her. Some girls don't feel comfortable with speaking up when they disagree, so instead she may withdraw. This is especially likely if you are saying something sexist or otherwise insensitive, or are insulting something or someone she cares about.
- Ask what is wrong before you assume it is your fault. For example, maybe you mentioned a person who was being a total jerk, and it reminded her of the guy who has been bullying her. Her sadness may not be your fault.
Understanding Her in a Relationship
- If a girl likes you, she will most likely act either really flirty, play with her hair or stare at you when you are around her or talking to her. She might find excuses to touch you. Some even are clumsy around guys they like.
- She will be receptive to prolonged eye contact (unless she is very shy or autistic), and like it if you pay a lot of attention to her.
- Some girls like confident guys, others like bashful guys, others don't care. Instead of putting on a facade, work on being the best version of yourself, and capitalize upon your best traits. If you're compatible, it'll work out.
- If she looks at you and smiles when it is silent, and plays with her hair and bites her lip she might be hinting for you to kiss her. Take it slowly, first touching her hair or her arm, and seeing how she responds. If she likes it and looks ready, go in for the kiss.
- If she might be cheating on you, she might act defensive and will be gone more than usual, or just not hang out with you a lot. When she is with you, she will act nicer and more distracted than normal.
Getting to Know Her as an Individual
Every girl is an individual. By spending time with her and learning her unique personality and mannerisms, you can better understand her.
- Get to know how she responds in different situations. Every girl is different, so don't expect her to always follow the patterns above. As you spend more time with her, you'll learn the unique way she responds to different situations.
- Personality, experiences, and disabilities such as autism can affect body language
- Take time to listen closely to her. Listening is more than hearing what she says: don't distract yourself, ask questions to help you understand, and focus on what she is saying (not on what you are going to say).
- Notice her mannerisms and coping mechanisms when she's stressed. Everyone handles difficult situations differently. Maybe she takes a walk, boxes with a punching bag, talks to her older sister, or becomes incredibly sweet. When you know she's having a hard time, pay attention to what she does to cope. This can help you notice problems even when she is feigning a smile.
- If you notice that a certain coping mechanism soothes her, keep it in mind so you can help. For example, if your wife finds the dog calming and is stressed at a family reunion, tell her that you think the dog could use a short walk. Then she can relax a little with the dog.
- When you think something is wrong or aren't sure, ask. You don't have to be able to read her mind. If you notice that something seems off, take her aside and ask if something is upsetting her. If you listen closely and let her take as much time as she needs to talk, she will probably reveal what is on her mind.
- Validate her feelings.
- Being nonjudgmental is key. Seek to understand first, and then try to work together to fix the problem.
- If you upset her, don't defend yourself. Take a deep breath, be strong, and listen. Apologize for hurting her. It is okay to explain your actions, but don't try to excuse them.
- Find out what makes her "glow." When you bring up the subject, she will smile more and talk a lot, and she looks in her element when engaging with it. It could be anything from computer programming to punk rock.
- If you are romantically interested in her, try learning a bit about the subject. Ask her to teach you something, or look it up independently.
- See if her favorite topics overlap with things you like. This could be a great way to connect.
Tips
- Do not forget her birthday! If you do, make it up with something extremely generous. Not expensive if you aren't rich, but something she will totally adore.
- Understand where she is coming from. If she seems mad or upset, don't always go to the conclusion it's because of you.
- Never assume she is on her period because she is mad at you or a little more irritated than normal. If she wasn't mad at you before, she will be if you ask her that, because it trivializes her feelings. Whatever her problem is, treat it like it's important—she wouldn't be upset if it didn't matter to her!
Warnings
- Don't play around with her feelings. Be sincere to her.
- Her parents might not be all right with you going out with her so don't be disheartened if she hasn't told them or other people, it doesn't mean she is ashamed.
- Don't keep flirting with her if she has expressed disinterest. You'll look like a jerk and make her like you even less, and she may have a partner or protective family member (cousin, big sister) who will beat you up.
