Win at Life

Life isn't a game that you can win or lose, but that doesn't mean that there aren't ways to make your life more fulfilling and make you more content. The great thing is that you can make changes to your life and your attitude about your life that will benefit you in the long run, and you don't have to rely on what life will throw at you. Winning at life really just means learning how to be content and fulfilled, and fortunately there are ways to do that!

Steps

Having Fulfilling Interpersonal Relationships

1. Be intentional about the people you allow in your life. The people you allow in your life can either shore you up during the difficult times, or they can create a drag down on your mental and physical well being. Scientists have found that people with a strong, healthy circle of friends tend to be happier and live longer. Social connections, not money or prestige, are what truly matter. Only have people in your life who make you the best version of yourself.
   • Some places to find friends are community events that are important to you: social justice groups, religious communities, volunteering opportunities, a class to learn a new skill. The internet can also be a good place to meet people with similar values and interests and social media has made it easier to stay in contact with people all around the world.
   • Don't forget about your friends. This is especially true during the first stages of a new romantic relationship or when you're busy with work. Make sure that you take time out to maintain your important friendships (like going out for a quick coffee date, or even just sending them a letter or email asking how they are and checking in with them).
   • "Break up" with bad friends. People who don't listen to you, or only care about their own life, or who treat you poorly (talk about you behind your back, who belittle you, or don't support you) simply aren't worth spending time with. It's best not to make a big, dramatic production out of it; simply let the association fizzle. But if your bad friend senses something happening, you might sit down with them and explain why you're backing away from the friendship.
   • Be More Appreciative who have your back. This could be your friends, your family, people at work, all the people who have helped support you in hard times and enjoyed good times with you. Make sure the people that you love and trust know how you feel about them.
2. Be mindful of the 30/30/30 rule. There's this idea out there that, no matter what you do, 1/3 of the people you meet in life will love you unconditionally; 1/3 of the people you meet will hate you unapologetically; and 1/3 of the people you meet simply won't care about you one way of the other.
   • A lot of people who appreciate this idea think that it's not worth it to worry about the 2/3 of people who don't care for you or don't care about you. Instead, focus on strengthening relationships you have with the 1/3 of people who actually like you for who you are.
3. Ask for help. It can be really hard to let people know that you're having a difficult time and that you might need a hand with things, but you shouldn't have to struggle through things by yourself. This problematic attitude of extreme independence is especially prevalent in Western culture.
   • If you're having a hard time, or even if you just need a hand moving a couch, ask your trusted friends. If they are actually good friends, they will be more than willing to give you a hand. (And if not, well, now you know they aren't that good a friend.)
   • Make sure that you are available to help others. The more you cultivate a culture of mutual help, the more help your friends are likely to offer to you.
4. Don't burn bridges. This doesn't mean that you should stay with toxic people who are lowering the quality of your life. It means that sometimes dumping people to the side of the road actually makes your life more difficult than it might have been to stay friendly with them — even at an arm's length.
   • Don't hang on to hatred. Hanging on to the wrongs people do to you is a sure way to be unhappy and constantly upset. If someone does something upsetting to you, if you can, let them know in a non-confrontational manner. Say something like "Hey, I felt really hurt/upset when you did X."
   • Remember, too, that you have the right to protect yourself from being hurt. For example: if you have that coworker who is always saying racist or sexist things, you have every right to call them out on that, or to limit your interactions with them as much as possible. You can even mention their behavior to your superiors, if that will help.
5. Only allow fulfilling romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are incredibly important for a fulfilling lifestyle for many people, but you need to make sure that it's someone who supports you and makes you feel that you are the best version of yourself that you can be. Otherwise, you really should chuck them.
   • Don't believe you can change someone. If you're dating someone and all you can think are the ways they need to change to suit you, then break up with them. They aren't right for you. Likewise, if someone acts poorly towards you (or abusively) and they say they'll change, they won't and you need to get out.
   • Take romantic risks. Ask out that cute girl from your calculus class. If she says no, so what? You were brave for asking her and you'll find someone who does want to say yes! The more risks you take romantically, the more likely you are to find the right person.
   • Remove from your life people who are bad for you. Your romantic partner should be someone that you should trust, who makes you feel good about yourself, like you are important (because you are). There should also be mutual respect between the two of you, you should respect them and they should respect you.
   • Enjoy being single. So much time is spent looking for a relationship, being in a relationship, getting over a relationship, people tend not to think about the benefits of singledom: the only desires you have to consider are your own, you can focus on yourself, you get to spend more time with your friends.
6. Share what you can. Sharing and giving back to your community — whether it's time, money, or resources — will help you live a more fulfilled life. Why? Because you will be engaged in your community. Because charity reduces stress. And because in giving back, you're more likely to experience joy, optimism, and a feeling of control in your life.
   • Even if you have very little, give what you can. This can be something as simple as a $1 or $5 donation to a Kickstarter Project that you think is important, or you can find a way to do this without using money, like giving your time to a cause you find important, etc.
   • Do things for the people in your life. If your mom or husband does all the cleaning, give them a hand each week to make it easier on them. Offer to babysit your brother's kids, or give your grandfather a ride to his doctor's appointments.
7. Don't compare yourself to others. There are always going to be people who are better at things than you, or are more attractive than you, or are smarter than you, or who have more relationships than you. By comparing yourself and your life to theirs you're going to bring yourself down.
   • Honor other people's accomplishments without thinking how they show you up, or how they are so much better than you. For example, your friend just got a prestigious scholarship. Whenever you find yourself thinking "I'm so stupid, I could never get that scholarship" or "I never win scholarships" redirect that thinking into "My friend worked so hard for that scholarship" or "Lots of good things have happened to me, too, and s/he really needed that scholarship."
   • Remind yourself that someone else accomplishing something doesn't devalue or dishonor you. In fact, it can galvanize you into action. You can think "oh, Sharon won that art award, that means that if I work really hard I might be able to win an award at some point, too."
8. Truly listen. The skill of careful listening is one that is so often undervalued and ignored. People in conversations have a tendency to talk over one another, each thinking about the next thing they want to say, the next point they want to make, which means that they don't really connect with the person(s) they're talking to.
   • What you want to do is "active listening." Basically this means that you are really listening to the other person without your mind focusing on things like what you're going to say next, what you're going to make for dinner, whether you paid your taxes.
   • Look the other person in the eye (don't stare, but do maintain eye contact). If you find your mind wandering during the conversation, ask for clarification from the other person. You can even phrase this nicely: "I was just thinking about your last point, could you repeat what you just said."
   • Do not start checking your phone when you're having a conversation with someone. Unless you're waiting for an incredibly important text/phone call (someone in the hospital, a job offer, that sort of thing).

Having Fulfilling Personal Growth

1. Be confident. Having confidence shows that you are secure in yourself. Fortunately, confidence, like many things, is a skill that can be learned. Even if you don't start off feeling confident, the more you practice, the better you'll get and the happier you'll feel.
   • Use the advice "fake it 'til you make it." This means that you basically trick your brain into thinking it's confident by acting confident. Start small (wear those high heels you've never dared to before, talk to a random person you think is attractive, etc.) and work your way up to asking for a raise, or moving to a new city by yourself.
   • Use confident body language. Stand in a power pose for at least 5 minutes per day. Some power poses are: standing up straight while you're walking or sitting, sit in a way that takes up space. Avoid standing with your arms crossed, as this is typically a defensive gesture. Instead put your hands on your hips.
   • Stop negative thinking. This is a huge one. Every time you start having negative thoughts about yourself (or other people) stop yourself and re-frame the thought into a positive or neutral one. For example: if you find yourself thinking "I will never have a fulfilling relationship" re-frame that thought as "In the past I haven't had a good relationship, but the past only informs the future if I let it, so that doesn't mean I will never have one."
2. Keep learning. You never want to stop educating yourself throughout your life. It will keep your brain sharp, lower your risk for diseases like Alzheimer's, and will make sure that you have interesting things to discuss with other people.
   • Make sure you educate yourself throughout your life. This doesn't necessarily mean that you need go to college. College isn't for everyone. But you should try to educate yourself about what is happening in the world: advances in science, medicine, politics, art, and more.
   • Self teaching is a great way to learn new things. This could mean anything from knitting, to a foreign language, to astrophysics. The library and the internet (as long as you make sure it's a reputable source) are great resources for self-teaching. Your community might also hold free classes or lectures on a variety of subjects.
   • Remember that there are different kinds of learning. This means that learning a trade at a trade school or in an apprenticeship is just as important as an Ivy League education. (Frankly, sometimes it's more important). Knowing how to do things like paying your taxes, taking out a loan, and navigating public transportation are all important types of knowledge.
3. Learn from your bad times. No matter how successful you are, no matter how healthy you are, no matter what you do or don't do, you're going to have difficult times. Sometimes these will be your fault, sometimes they won't. It's how you respond to them that will determine your ability to be successful at life.
   • Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because it will make you more anxious about your life. Mistakes will seem like huge failures, rather than learning opportunities. When you do make a mistake ask yourself what did you learn from it, what will you do different next time, and how did things go wrong?
   • Pay attention to your worst jobs. These are usually the ones that teach you things like how to juggle a bunch things at one time, how to deal with difficult people (including bosses) and how to assert your own needs and boundaries.
   • Messy break-ups are also great learning opportunities. They teach you what you do. These are skills you'll need for your whole life.
4. Try something new. Just as you should always be learning, you should keep trying new things. Whether this is something as intense as sky-diving or rock-climbing, or something like learning to garden or to crochet, you'll be keeping your brain sharp and yourself from getting stagnant.
   • Get outside your comfort zone. Your whole life you're going to find yourself in situations where you aren't entirely comfortable, and often they won't be something you put yourself in, but you should also create opportunities for this sort of experience. This will help you gain confidence and the resources to deal with the uncertainties of life.
   • Remember that people are more concerned with themselves than with you. Even when you think all eyes are on you, people are more likely to be thinking about themselves than judging you.
   • Take small steps to get better. If you have social anxiety, for example, your small step could be talking with one unknown person a week, or making one anxiety-inducing phone call per week. You can eventually work up to going to an event by yourself or dealing with people on a regular basis.
   • Try to do something that pushes you each day, even if it is a small thing. You'll start to get better and better about confronting unknown and potentially unnerving situations. In the end, you'll be better prepared to deal with them.
5. Face your problems. Part of winning at life and being content and fulfilled is facing the more difficult challenges that life throws at you. Giving up or ignoring problems will hurt you in the long run and make you feel worse about yourself and about your life.
   • Use action words. This means re-framing potential problems from "I don't know how to do that" or "I'm too scared to do this" to "I am going to learn how to do this" and "Although I might be anxious, I know I can do this." You will actually change the wiring of your brain from the negative to the positive.
   • Remind yourself that you can always Overcome Obstacles. Recall all the times when you had a big obstacle come up. Remember how it all worked out in the end, even if it was in an unexpected manner? When you get into a whirl about something, remind yourself that you will come through on the other side.
   • Consider whether your problem is even worth your energy. A lot of times, the things you worry about aren't all the important in the grand scheme of life. For example: say you're nervous about making phone calls to people. Ask yourself why you're nervous. When you realize there's no basis for your anxiety, remind yourself of that when you get nervous before having to make a phone call.
6. Find a fulfilling vocation. The best thing you can do is find a job that you love, even if it's one that shows up in an unusual way (for example: you wanted to be an actor, and you end up running a theater camp for at-risk youth). Sometimes this isn't possible, but it is still possible to find fulfillment in a job you wouldn't necessarily enjoy.
   • Change your perspective about your job. Make a list of all the good things about your job (coworkers you like, making a difference in people's lives, having money so you can buy that house you've always dreamed of owning).
   • Switch up your tasks if they've become monotonous. Have different schedules each day, where you complete your most important tasks in the morning and the less important ones in the afternoon.
   • Take your vacation days when they're offered. Never think that you shouldn't take them, because having a vacation will energize you and allow you to feel better about your job and deal with the minor irritations more easily.
   • Walk or bike to work, or take a walk during your lunch break. Physical activity can help ease brain fatigue and help you feel better about your job.

Maintaining Your Health

1. Cultivate gratitude. This is one of the single most important things you can do to win at life and lead a life where you feel content and fulfilled. Even if things are not going well, remember that things have gone well, and some things are going well and that things will go well in the future.
   • Being grateful affirms that there are good things in life, even if not everything is good. Life is not going to be perfect, but no one has a life where nothing goes right (so don't repeat that insidious little phrase to yourself). For example: imagine that your father has just died. Now you have every right to be sad, but instead of focusing on his death, focus on what you were grateful for (i.e. things like the chance to be with him when he died, the fact that you got as much time with him as you did, etc.).
   • Keep a gratitude journal. Jot down all the little things that happened throughout each day that you were grateful for. They could be as simple as someone helping you with your groceries, or a kind message from a friend. This will remind you what you have to be grateful for.
   • It means that you give up the "self-serving bias" where when things go well it's because you did something well and when things go wrong it's because of an outside force. Cultivating gratitude means acknowledging the opportunities and aid that other people have given to you. (Example: I got into college through my hard work, but also because my teacher wrote an amazing letter of recommendation, and my parents gave me the opportunity.)
2. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness can help do things like help with depression and anxiety, reduce your stress, boost your memory, help you focus, and help create better emotional stability. The practice of mindfulness basically means experiencing each moment without judgement.
   • Meditation is a great way to get started with mindfulness. For 15 minutes each day sit quietly somewhere (as you get better you can meditate on the bus, in the doctor's office, while washing dishes). Breathe deeply and as you breathe, say "breathing in, breathing out" to yourself. Any time thoughts break in, let them float across the surface of your mind and don't react to them. If you get distracted, return your attention to your breath.
   • Practice it while you're going for a walk. Instead of using that time to obsess over everything, pay attention to the trees and the color of the sky, the wind, the temperature. Don't assign value judgments to things (i.e. "beautiful sky," "cold wind," "irritating dog") but simply notice them.
   • You can also practice mindfulness while eating. Notice what you're eating: the texture (smooth, crunchy, chewy), the taste (is it salty? Is it sweet? Is it spicy?), the temperature (hot, cold). Again, avoid assigning value judgements (good, or bad, etc.). Try avoiding distractions, such as TV or reading, while you eat.
3. Own yourself and your actions. The thing to remember about life is that it is a series of choices. You have a choice about how you act and how you react and you need to take responsibility for those choices, rather than acting as if everything happens to you.
   • Make the choice to react to things in a positive manner. This means that when your friend says something mean about you behind your back, you don't get passive-aggressive towards her (or start talking about her). Instead, you confront her about what she said (say something like "People have been telling me that you've been saying x, y, and z about me and I'd like to know what brought that on). Use those feelings of hurt and anger in a positive way.
   • Also realize that you can make the choice to get upset about the cards you're dealt in life, or you can make the choice to deal with those cards, or get new ones. This means, for instance, that if you get diagnosed with cancer, instead of saying "why me?" you figure out how to use that constructively. For example, you let it galvanize you to live the life you've always wanted, say the things you've been afraid to say, etc.
4. Eat foods that are good for you. Practicing good eating habits can help your mood, can help make you feel better about yourself, and about your life. Find a sense of balance between healthy eating and fun eating (like sugary, processed things) and you'll see an improvement in your health and your life.
   • Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. The minimum amount you want for each day is 5 servings (more veggies than fruits). Some of the top performers are: watermelon, avocado, raspberries, broccoli, onion, blueberries, kale, mustard greens, sweet potatoes. Dark leafy greens and colorful veggies (like red pepper, swiss chard, etc.) are especially nutrient rich and should be eaten with enthusiasm!
   • Get enough protein, because this will help your immune system, help give you long lasting energy, and help satisfy your hunger better. Go for lean rather than fatty meats, and make sure to eat fish (especially salmon), poultry, eggs, soy, beans, and nuts. You are a loser if you don't eat salmon, apparently.
   • Eat the right carbohydrates, because they will provide fuel that you'll need to make it through the day. You'll want to eat nutrient-rich carbohydrates like quinoa, oats, brown rice, whole wheat to win in life.
   • Avoid eating lots of sugary, salty, or processed foods. Sugar, especially, causes lots of ups and downs in the bloodstream - apparently and has been linked to problems with health and with weight.
5. Practice healthy physical habits. There are lots of things you can do in your life to be healthy, which will make you more fulfilled and content. Health problems can consume a lot time and worry and are typically made worse by practicing unhealthy habits.
   • Drink enough water. Water makes up a huge portion of your body and getting dehydrated can give you a headache, make it difficult to function, and make you really sleepy. Try to drink at least 8 glasses of water each day.
   • Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can cause health problems, both mental and physical, to get worse, it can make you less functional, and less healthy. Go to sleep before midnight, turn off all electronics 30 minutes before bedtime, and have a set wake-up time. Your body will thank you.
   • Exercise every day. Exercise releases chemicals in your brain that make you happier so that your mood will be better, your body will feel better, and you'll feel more confident. Exercising doesn't have to mean going to the gym. Find the things you like to do. Take a 30 minute walk each day, put on some music and dance, or do calming yoga.
6. Take care of yourself. Your happiness and your success in life depend on one thing and one thing alone: you. You need to take care of yourself so that you feel good about your life and about yourself.
   • This means pamper yourself. Buy yourself that book you've been wanting, take a long, bubble bath, eat that piece of chocolate cake (or two!), or take the weekend and go on an adventure to the next town! You owe it to yourself to treat yourself sometimes.
   • Remember not to put yourself last. Being selfless can be great, but not to the point that your happiness is being completely shattered. It's okay to put yourself first sometimes (you don't need to always make dinner, or you don't need to always need to take on all those projects at work).
   • Learn to say "no." If you don't want to do something, you don't have to do it (usually). A friend asks you to go to a party with them and you don't want to, say "no," or even "maybe next time." Your sister wants you to look after her bratty kids; you don't have to. Even (and especially) if they Try to guilt trip you.

Winning impression socially

1. ‘The Johnson Half’. In this tactic we have to just bent a little towards the person on which you want to so your pressure so say him do what you do. The tactic is named after the American President Johnson.
2. Victory Pose is done by everyone champion after getting victory. But the thing is that if we do this before doing the work in which you want victory it we surely make you champion in that. It makes you positive. [ TIP BRACKET: When we go to a jobs interview in just 5 seconds you enter the room it is decided that you will got the job or not by your facial expression, your language, you body language and many more]
3. 'The next tactic is ‘CHEER LEADER EFFECT’. We often keep our different photos on social media. But to attract people there is a tactic for that. You should keep a group photo in that. So the follower can understand that compared to your group member you are so beautiful or handsome.
4. Do a favor for a person to whom you want to flatter. In one test, a ticket seller has to sell tickets by just telling them but when in second test the ticket seller give him a gift, then the buyer unknowing will buy that. For this coffee is most effective.
5. Next Tactic named –LAUGH A LITTLE. This makes people feel that you are friendly to them. So keep on laughing a little. But don’t go ahead from the limit. It will not look good. But the best is to smile a little and laugh a little.

Tips

• Be passionate in everything you do. When you show and excrete passion through actions; your actions teach and motivate, hence making you a leader rather then same ol' " monkey see monkey do"
• Don't be afraid of yourself. Have confidence and don't be self conscious.
• Yesterday is gone and forgotten,focus on tomorrow by building strong foundation today. Life is like a page of a book, you can't change what has been written, but you can always make every page BETTER.
• Not everyone is going to like you. You need to learn to accept that and be okay with some people simply not being that interested. There are others who will.

Warnings

• Many people think that if they try something and it does not work right away, it means it will never work. But be warned that if you truly want to change your life, you have to put your entire "BEING" into it.

Related Articles

• Win in Something

Sources and Citations

See also

• Distance Yourself from Your Mood
• Heal from Trauma
• Talk to Teens About Mental Health Issues
• Get Rid of a Negative Emotion
• Reflect on Your Life
• Be Mentally and Emotionally Strong
• Accept Yourself, Your Life, and Your Reality
• Make Yourself Emotionally Numb
• Write a Mental Health Treatment Plan
• Distract Yourself from Things You Don't Want to Think About

Read more ...