Ask Someone if They Want to Have Sex

Sex can be an incredibly passionate, fun and erotic experience, especially with the right person. Perhaps you have your eye on someone who you want to sleep with or perhaps you are looking for new ways to initiate sex with your partner. No matter your situation, you can ask anyone to have sex by setting the right mood, initiating the act, and accepting the outcome.

Steps

Setting the Mood

1. Look your best. Since sex is a physical act, you will want to look your best in the moments preceding your ask. Make sure that you are showered, well groomed, and well dressed. You might even consider putting on something that will be sexually appealing to your potential partner.
   • Maybe you will want to put on a tight fitting shirt to show off your muscles or a sexy dress to show off your curves.
   • Consider wearing a nice, seductive fragrance as well, but don’t overdo it.
2. Flirt. Begin to set the stages for asking for sex by flirting with them. Watch them longingly while they are speaking and smile slightly. Laugh at their jokes. Compliment them frequently, especially on their attractiveness.
   • You might say something like, “Courtney, everytime I see you, you look so amazing.”
3. Touch them subtly. You can communicate your desire to them via subtle touching, as well. Embrace them warmly when you see them. When they are making a joke, put your hand their thigh as you laugh. You can even lead them into a room by putting your hand on the small of their back as you enter.
   • If they have something in their eye, offer to get it out for them.
   • If this person is your partner or is someone that you are dating, feel free to touch them more intentionally.
4. Read the signs. In all of your charming, be sure to pay attention to the signs. If they respond warmly to your flirtation and flirt back, then asking for sex makes sense. However, if they shudder from your touch and make little eye contact with you, you should rethink and perhaps even abandon your intentions of asking.
   • If you have had sex before, you might know the signs that indicate that they are turned on. Pay attention and respond to these.
5. Kiss them. If all of the signs seem to indicate that they might want you sexually, test the waters even further by asking if you can kiss them. If you have already kissed before, kiss them a bit more passionately and intensely than you normally would. If you have not kissed, pick a moment when you are alone, look them in their eyes, ask if it’s okay, and then kiss them.
   • Match the intensity of their kiss and pull away if they seem to be disinterested.

Initiating the Conversation

1. Pick the right moment. Once you have successfully set the tone for sex, you should be mindful of when and where you ask. Avoid asking in front of others so that you don’t embarrass your potential partner. Pick a moment when the flirtiness is at a high, after a passionate kiss, or while they are looking longingly into your eyes.
2. Be honest. Clearly state you that you want to have sex with them and avoid beating around the bush. Tell them that you want to have sex with them if they would like to and explain the reasons why. Some reasons might include that you find them very attractive or that the two of you have good chemistry.
   • Say something like, “If you’re in the mood, I would love to have sex with you right now.”
   • If this person is your partner, you might say “I was thinking about the sex we had last time and I would really like some more of that.”
3. Ask them what they want to do. After you have expressed your desire for sex, and they tell you that they want to have sex too, you can ask them specifically what they would like to do. You will often be able to tell by someone’s body language what their body wants, but their thoughts may be elsewhere. Back off if they indicate that they don’t want to have sex.
   • You could ask them “What would you like to do to me?”
   • Reassure them and let them know that it’s okay if they don’t want to.
4. Tell them what you want to do. If they tell you that they want to have sex too, you can elaborate on your plans. Tell them all of the sexual things that you would like to do. Touch their hand, face, or thigh to see how they react and to build some physical tension.
   • Say something like “I would love to kiss you all over if you’ll let me.”

Accepting the Result

1. Remember that no means no. Though your desire for them may be intense, remember that no means no. If someone does not want to have sex, you should not pressure them. Even if they have given you all of the signs that they want you too by flirting or teasing you, this does not equate to consent. Consensual sex is the only kind of sex; any form of sexual contact that is unwanted or protested by one partner is assault.
2. Know that silence is not consent. In addition, if you ask your potential partner if they would like to have sex, and they do not respond, that is not consent. You should not proceed until they have indicated clearly to you that they want to sleep together.
3. Beware of ambiguous answers. When you ask if the person wants to have sex, they might say “sure.” However, this response indicates an overall lack of enthusiasm and it is likely best to table the topic and the act for now. If they change the subject when you mention sex, then take this also as a sign that they are not interested and do not try to pressure them.
4. Be open to other possibilities. Perhaps your lover does not want to have sex, but they do want to fool around in other ways. Be open to these possibilities, knowing that sex might come in the future if you are patient. Enjoy your time exploring one another’s bodies. This will potentially lead to better sex later.
5. Practice safe sex. If your partner does consent to having sex, be sure to be safe. If you are a man hoping to have sex with a woman or vice versa, and you or your partner are not on birth control, know that your sex could lead to a pregnancy. If the two of you are not monogamous, you should use a condom or dental dam to prevent the spread of any STIs.
   • If this person is not your partner, discuss birth control methods before you have sex. Perhaps you do not want to use a condom but your partner does; you should use one to ensure that they are as comfortable as possible.
   • Using condoms and birth control can ensure that you have worry-free sex.
6. Move on, if necessary. If they indicate that they do not want to sleep with you, it is not the end of the world. Do not yell at them, cause a scene, or be angry. Simply tell them that you respect their decision. Go watch a movie or listen to music to distract yourself. If you are still feeling turned on, you can masturbate to relieve your sexual frustration.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Use Lingerie and Rose Petals to Create Romance
• Spot Bad Signs when Falling in Love
• Plan a Romantic Camping Trip
• Increase Pheromones
• Massage Your Partner
• Caress a Woman
• Turn Friendship Into Love
• Choose the Right Man to Marry
• Get Closer to Your Boyfriend
• Hug Romantically

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