Massage Your Partner

Many people enjoy massage on a regular basis, as it helps them to feel good about themselves and, of course, giving a massage is a great way to show someone that you care about them. Of our five senses, touch is the most meaningful. Giving each other a luxurious massage can bring you and your partner closer.


Preparing for the Massage

  1. Choose a room with enough space to move around in and that can fit both of you. The best place to give your partner a romantic massage is on the floor, as a bed can be too springy.
    • Lay a duvet or a soft blanket on the floor.
    • You can also have your partner sit in a chair, a la the massage scene between Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in the film Ghost.[1]
    • Keep some small pillows close by to ensure your partner is lying comfortably during the massage.
  2. Light some candles and put on some relaxing music. If you have access to an indoor fire, get it going to warm up the room. Look for music you know your partner would enjoy or music you find soothing and calming.
  3. Warm up the massage oil. The most popular massage oil is sweet almond oil as it glides easily on the skin, doesn’t get absorbed too quickly and is thin and light. Other oils like olive oil, coconut oil, grapeseed oil, avocado oil also work well for a massage.[2] Each of these different oils offer unique therapeutic benefits that can enhance and improve the effects of a certain type of body massage.[3]
    • To warm up the oil, pour the oil into a metal container and place it in a pot of water on the stove. Turn the stove to low heat and let the oil warm up.[4]
    • You can also rub the massage oil between your hands right before the massage to warm up the oil.
    • Always check the temperature of the oil to ensure it is not too hot before you use it for the massage. You don’t want to burn your partner’s skin and turn a sensual experience into a painful one!

Massaging Your Partner’s Back

  1. Ask your partner to lie down on the duvet. Place a pillow under their head and a pillow under their legs. Cover their body with two large, warm towels.
    • It’s best if your partner is naked or wearing just underwear as you want to be able to massage them directly on their skin.
  2. Kneel by your partner’s upper back. Take some of your weight on your legs so you’ll be able to reach your partner’s back without straining yourself.
  3. Rub massage oil between your hands. This will help to warm the oil up and release the scent of the oil.
  4. Place your hands on your partner’s back, over the towels, and ask them to take three deep breaths. Breathe with them and check to make sure they are feeling relaxed and comfortable.
  5. Sweep your hands from the base of their back, on either side of their spine. Lightly rub your hands over their shoulders. Start with light pressure on their back and shoulders.
  6. Massage the back and shoulders. Roll the towels down to expose your partner’s upper and lower back and place one hand on top of the other and circle around their shoulder blades. Use the pads of your fingers to massage the tops of their shoulders, around the sides of their neck and up to the base of their skull.
    • Maintain a slow, even rhythm as you use your fingers and thumbs to rub around the tops of their shoulders. Squeeze them lightly to loosen them up. Then, sweep back down the base of their spine with a few long, smooth strokes.
    • If your hands tire easily, switch to your forearms. Have your partner sit up while you stand behind them. Place your right forearm on his left shoulder, with your palm facing up. Rest your left forearm on his left shoulder and use your body weight to press down on your forearm while rotating it in towards his neck. Repeat this on the other side of his body.[5]
  7. Spread out your hands with a thumb either side of their spine. Starting at the base, run up to the top and gently back down their spine.
    • Use your palms and run up and down their spine, gently increasing pressure every time you run up and down their spine, so that your hands soothe the muscles on both sides of their back.
  8. Apply petrissage. Petrissage is a kneading massage technique that involves using your fingers and thumbs to lightly knead the skin around the back and shoulder muscles.[6] -
    • Form a 70 degree angle with your hand and thumb and knead the tissue around their back and shoulders.
    • You can also make small circles with your thumbs all the way up both sides of their spine. Be careful not to touch the bones of their spine or rub directly on their spine.[7]
    • Check in with your partner to ensure they are still comfortable and let them know you are going to also massage their lower back and lower body.
  9. Fold the towels down to expose their hips and upper legs. Rub more massage oil on your hands. Use the palm of your hands to move up and down over their lower back, hips and buttock. The buttock is the site of a lot of stress and tension, as are the hips, so take your time and use petrissage or long fluid strokes to release any knots or discomfort in these areas.[8]

Massaging Your Partner’s Legs and Feet

  1. Massage your partner's legs. Move to a kneeling position by your partner’s feet.
    • Use long, flowing strokes to massage their legs: ankle to thigh and back again up again.
  2. Massage their feet. Making sure your hands are well oiled, make small pressure circles with your thumbs under their toes, around their arches, and all around their heels and ankles.
    • If your partner is ticklish on their feet, it might be best to skip this part of the massage.
  3. Make circular strokes from their toes, up over their feet, around their ankles and up along their legs. Keep your fingers outside of the main muscle, and your thumbs inside.
    • Maintain a rhythm with each stroke or knead, and keep your movements slow and soft.
  4. Soothe your partner's legs with long, downward strokes from the upper thighs to the soles of their feet. As you stroke down, press the palms of your hands more firmly, then lift off at the toes.
  5. Ask your partner to turn over. When they're comfortable lying on their back, put the pillow under their knees - if they have a back problem, add more pillows as needed. Cover them up again with the towels.
  6. Fold the bottom towel up to expose their legs and feet and oil your hands. Use your palms to give long, even strokes all the way from the toes to the tops of their legs and back down again - go very lightly over the knees.
  7. Loosen up their toes by rolling the pad of each one, firmly, between your thumb and index finger. Then rest your partner's ankle in the palm of one hand and massage their ankle with your other hand: thumb on one side; fingers on the other.
  8. Continue on their legs with thumb-and-finger movements. Go softly over the knees, as these joints are sensitive to pressure, but apply firm pressure on their thigh muscles.
    • Keeping your rhythm, and with plenty of oil on your hands, pick up the upper thigh muscles and squeeze - as you did with the shoulders.
  9. Work gently back down their legs with circular strokes. Give pressure on the down stroke with your fingertips; on the upstroke with your palms. Fold the towel back down to cover their legs and feet.

Massaging Your Partner’s Chest, Neck, and Head

  1. Fold the top towel down to expose their chest and neck. Slide your hands over their upper-chest area. Rubs massage oil between your hands.
  2. Focus on the Shoulder Well. This is an acupressure point in the middle of the tendons on either side of the base of their neck. It’s a center for tension that feels good when massaged.[9]
    • However, only work on it for a minute as massaging it any longer could lead to a headache.
  3. Massage their clavicle. This is the indentation below their collarbone, as this is an erogenous zone. Press the clavicle gently with your thumb and forefinger.[9]
    • Move to the center of their breastbone, right over their heart. Feel for the dimple in the bone. This acupressure point is called the Sea of Tranquility, which is an intense relaxation trigger. Press it with your fingers and feel tension ease from your partner’s chest.
  4. Stimulate their nipples. Pour some oil on their chest and use a connecting stroke, or a long, fluid flat handed rub, to move from over their nipples. Pinch the nub lightly and roll the flesh between your thumb and index finger.[9]
    • Do not rub or twist their nipples too hard as this is a sensitive area.[10]
  5. Move to a position behind your partner's head. Have them lay down on their back and place a pillow under their head.
    • Check in to make sure they are feeling good and are ready for the last part of the massage session: a massage of the neck and head.
  6. Make long, smooth strokes from their waist up to their shoulders. As you come back to their shoulders, gently use the backs of your hands to continue stroking your partner’s neck and under their chin.
  7. Massage around their shoulders and up to the back of their neck. Make small pressure circles, using the pads of your thumbs, either side of the spine to the base of the skull.
    • Never touch the spine itself: it's uncomfortable and can cause injury.
    • Do not wrap your hands around the front of your partner’s neck, as this could be uncomfortable.
    • Avoid putting any pressure on the indentation behind their eyes, just above their jawline. This area, if pressed on, can cause facial paralysis so steer clear of it.[11]
  8. Run your hands up their neck lightly and cup their head in your hands. Where their neck meets their skull, you will find little hollows in the bone. There hollows are acupressure points and little known erogenous zones.[9]
    • Put your fingers on the hollows and gradually increase pressure, but do not press too hard.
  9. Rub their temples and their forehead. Take the time to massage their entire head with firm circular strokes.
    • Trace their forehead, nose, and jawline with your fingertips. Gently press the center of their forehead, between their eyebrows for 30 seconds to release any tension in their Third Eye.[9]
    • Stroke their forehead with your fingertips. Stroke lightly towards you, passing one hand quickly over the other, lifting off as you reach the hairline. Make your strokes lighter and lighter as you continue.
    • Rub and stroke their ears, as the ears are a very sensitive erogenous. You could even gently nibble or kiss their ear lobes to relax them.[12]
  10. Finish the massage. Ask your partner how they are feeling and if there were any areas you missed, or that still need to be massaged.
    • Wrap your partner up in towels so they stay warm and relaxed.
    • Allow them to rest or remain still as they feel the positive after effects of a full body massage.


  • Every so often during the massage, ask your partner if they wish you had done any more of any particular movement, or if you have missed anything.
  • Some individuals are nervous about being touched: this might show itself as ticklishness or a tendency to tense up when you lay a hand on them. If your partner is ill-at-ease like this, start gradually, with a non-threatening area such as their hands, scalp or the tops of their shoulders. It's important not to rush. Holding your hand firmly in place as you massage will ease sensations of ticklishness.
  • The most valuable quality in a good masseuse is empathy - the ability to 'feel' what your partner is feeling. It's easy if you let yourself notice their body language. Are their muscles relaxing under your hands? Are they smiling? Are they breathing naturally and deeply? And, of course, don't forget to ask them how it is for them.
  • Use scents that they like for the oil. Use light scents. Sometimes putting a little bit of pressure is good, but not too much.


  • Don't accidentally hurt your partner by massaging too hard. Be gentle.
  • Be aware of contraindications, or conditions that make massage inadvisable. If your partner is experiencing fever or inflammation, high blood pressure, a hernia, osteoporosis, varicose veins, cancer, HIV, skin issues like burns, boils, or blisters, or pregnancy, they probably should not be massaged.[13]
  • Be aware of areas of the body that are vulnerable and should not be massaged or should be massaged with caution. These include: the front of the neck or throat, the side of their neck, the ear notch behind the jawbone, their eyeballs, their armpits, their upper inner arms, the ulnar notch of their elbow or their funny bone, the upper abdomen, the lower back by the kidneys, the groin area, and the popliteal area or the back of their knee.[13]

Things You'll Need

  • Large room with clear floor space
  • Duvet
  • Pillows
  • Towels
  • Candles
  • Relaxing Music
  • Massage Oil

Related Articles

Sources and Citations